Children, Their Naturalness & How We Lost Ours

children-at-play-cartoon-illustrations-vector

When we look at kids, we see how they are not self-conscious of themselves. They don’t care how their hair looks, their nose, the size of their body or anything of that sort. They stay active through out the day, utilizing their bodies as tools or toys to toss around the living room or in the park. They are care free to what others around them are saying. Their level of self-conscious does not exist at such a high level and everything seems to revolve around “fun”, being adventurous and courageous. Eventually, the child grows and that level of self-conscious kicks in. My nose is shaped this way, my body is too skinny or too big, I need to fix or colour my hair. Their youth, courageousness, adventurous selves becomes lost along the way because they’ve developed this self-conscious thinking and the perception of others.

Everything now becomes about perception. What will others think? What will others say if I do a certain thing like this? Will I lose my friends if they think I am weird? This level of thinking never existed as children because what mattered was to please ourselves and nobody else around.

As parents, they are also a building force behind how a child perceives themselves and grows into the best version of themselves or a parent is the destruction force behind their children’s confidence and the ability to tap their own God given talents.

Is it to say, we as adults have lost our way? Lost our own naturalness because pleasing the people is more important in the long term? The short term effects makes us feel great but deep down inside, we know this not genuine and eventually, the feeling fades. We’ve become extremely self-conscious of ourselves that we don’t know at times what is like to be ourselves because we are trying to be everybody else.

The child that was adventurous and brave, becomes entrapped into a society, a way of thinking what will others think, so they close off themselves to being adventurous or brave. The child inside of us becomes caged into a cycle of life based around perception. What is beautiful and what is not? What is rich and what is poor? What fashionable and what is not? As Islam teaches, it is about piety, level of connection with Allah SWT.

If we continue to please everyone around us and never please ourselves, when will we ever become ourselves? When will we ever see the naturalness we have lost and let it escape? We’ve grown into this wild idea that if others are doing a certain thing this way, then it must be correct but as children, we always found a different way. We always invented new things to explore or create. Now, we don’t even think on that level because we have become too busy with things that matter more to others than it matters to us. We’ve surrounded ourselves, our brains to be exact in other peoples ideas or minds. Not to be selfish of course because there is no need to be selfish but the need to be constantly self-conscious in a way that all we think about is the perception of others or how we will fit in.

Parents who are reading or uncles or aunts who have nieces or nephews and parents that are expecting, groom your child into the best version of themselves by allowing them to be natural. Helping them tap their God given abilities and never let them lose their naturalness as we have. Just look at a child in any room and how the only thing matters is happiness of themselves, while we are so worried about the happiness of others and what others will think. There is nothing wrong with having a level of self-consciousness because we will be questioned about our health and our actions but concentrate on being you. It’s important to be yourself and to please yourself more than it is to constantly please other people, while we drown in misery attempting to please them. Most importantly, pleasing Allah SWT matters more than anything in the world. Be you. Don’t worry what others think. Have fun. As long as it is permissible in Islam, then do it and love it!

Advertisements

Solutions For A Heartbreak

heartbreak

You’ve recently come out of a relationship with a person whom you thought your life was set with. You had all types of dreams. All types of conversations about getting married, living together, having kids and being husband and wife. You two had spent quite a lot of your time together. Being in a relationship which made you two feel spectacular together. Inseparable! Your friends knew about the two of you and they could only compliment your relationship and how fantastic it was. Life takes its own twist and turns and the relationship is no more.

Your heart is broken. Your pillow is wet. You are having sleepless nights and looking for ways to either get back together or look for ways to get over that individual. No matter what you’ve done through the weeks or months that have passed, you’ve been in a slump. Feeling blah and out of character because this individual, this person you loved so much, is no longer apart of your life. You’ve tried various methods on how to get over this person and NOTHING seems to work.

I will list several ways on how to get over this individual and why you can’t get over this individual, insha’Allah.

Why You Can’t Get Over Them?

1. Your expectations of being together were held way too high. As you know, life is unpredictable. Today you are healthy, tomorrow morning you are feeling sick with a high fever. Coughing, vomiting, thinking yesterday I was just fine, what happened to me today? When holding such high expectations of things you can only dream about coming true, eventually when it doesn’t you are in for a huge disappointment. This is how life can be at times. Unpredictable. You’ve held such high expectations of things coming true, when it didn’t, your life came crashing down like a building that has just been demolished or jenga. You want to NEVER hold anyone or anything to such high expectations that when it doesn’t go your way, your life goes away with it too. You are only capable of doing and giving what you are able to. After that, whatever comes is not in your hands and never has been. Hold people in a balanced position, when and if things don’t go as you’ve hoped or planned, your soul, your heart is not going with those expectations that have crumbled.

2. You feel you’ll never find a person like them. The point in the heart break where the thought races through your head, “I will never find someone like that ever again! I will never be loved the way they loved me! I will be lonely for life! No one will love me again!” You’ve held this person in your life to such a high plateau that everything has revolved around them. The way they loved you, the way they cared for you and the way they were so attentive to your needs. Now that they are gone, you feel no one can ever come close to that again. This is where you’ve held a person, a creation, to expectations which are unreal, not fit for anyone but all of us are capable of loving, caring and being attentive to one another. Instead you hold onto a firm belief, that no one will love you like them and you’ll never find someone like that ever again. This is where you are wrong. You don’t know if that person was right for you. You two may have gotten along but perhaps along the way, something may have happened which would have worsened the relationship  to the point where it was much more destructive than just a break up. Your life doesn’t end with just this individual and your heart and soul does not belong to them. Your heart and soul belongs to you and Allah SWT, your creator. There WILL be someone better than that individual and there will be someone that will come into your life who is a much more improved individual than that person was.

How To Get Over The Individual

1. Know that this individual never belonged to you in the first place and that Allah SWT, your creator had planned someone better all along. You need to firmly believe this because this is the decree of Allah SWT. As this thought will enable you to think positively about the future and what is to come into your life for the betterment of your life.

2. Cut off all communication you have with this individual. After a relationship ends, we tend to hold onto that person, wanting that person back in our lives, so we continue to speak to them, hoping things workout again. The fact of the matter is, if it was to workout, it would have but it didn’t. This is good for your life. It helped you avoid certain situations which again, could have been destructive in the future. Perhaps your eman (faith) would not improve. Perhaps the relationship would have led to the hell fire and Allah SWT had protected both of you from it. Cut all ties with this individual. Text messages, phone calls, block and delete from social networks. Do not spy on them. Delete pictures, old memories, take a deep breath and believe things will be better, insha’Allah. If the individual does decide to come back, you have to consider EVERYTHING that has happened in the relationship and if they are not serious about getting married and just want a relationship, you have to remind the person, we have something here which could be long term and you two were probably long term so come to my wali (guardian) and lets get married. If marriage is not what they want, then believe, marriage is something they’ve never wanted in the first place. Move on with your life and insha’Allah, you’ll be with someone who will commit their life to you with the right intentions.

3. Be around positive people. No matter what types of problems you have in your life, when you are around people who are happy, have a connection with Allah SWT, you will more than likely have that same feeling. You are what your friends are. If your friends cuss, you will likely cuss. If you friends are happy, always in a good mood, that will pass on to you. This will allow your mind to get off of so many things that weren’t meant to be and be around people who are meant to be in your life for a reason. Cherish them. These people are long term and will more than likely be around even after you’ve married the person Allah SWT has set aside for you.

4. Seek forgiveness with Allah SWT. Know that your relationship was haram (forbidden) and you need to make sincere repentance from being in a relationship with a non-mahram. This individual was not your spouse and everything you’ve done while being together was sinful. Allah SWT is Al-Gaffur (The Forgiving) so ask. This is my favourite hadith, I love it because it shows how reassuring and how forgiving Allah SWT is. How merciful He is.

The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Allaah, Blessed and Exalted is He, says, ‘O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshipping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.” [Tirmidhi]

5. Be patient through your heart break and learn from this. Do not become bitter nor become overly depressed as this was out of your control. This individual was not meant for you from the very beginning of your life. Was never written but someone else is. Smile as often as you can and keep your head high. You are wasting your precious life, your tears, starving yourself because of a person that was not meant to be. Your life is worth more. Your body is worth more. You deserve happiness and happiness was not destined with this individual. Allah SWT had protected you from so much and you need to thank Allah SWT for it. The person that enters your life next, do not judge them based on this relationship or past relationships assuming things will go the same way. You do not know the outcome nor do you know their intentions. Be cautious but also be optimistic and positive that insha’Allah this person is the one. Take the right measures in getting to know this individual, so your heart and soul does not become attached and when they leave, the attachment, does not belong to them, it belongs to you. Be balanced and always, always, thank Allah SWT for everything.

Insha’Allah, this helps. If you have any questions or you are going through something like this and you need advice, feel free to contact me. My email is mshabazz33@gmail.com

Also read: https://mshabazz33.wordpress.com/2014/02/18/advice-regarding-your-post-on-solutions-for-a-heartbreak/

Asalamwalikhum (Peace Be Upon You)

This is for those who have been following my blog all these months and those who have been reading it and for everyone else. I just want to let you all know, if you need someone to talk to about something, if you need advice on whatever it may be, don’t be afraid to send me a message. Don’t be afraid to ask me if you are unsure of something you’ve read on my blog. I don’t primarily write for myself. I write for the betterment of everyone else. Allah SWT has given me the ability to write to help others, so I am here to help you. Im sure you have a lot of unanswered questions. Im sure you are doubtful about certain things in your life, get the advice you need that will insha’Allah, help push you in a better direction. In a positive direction. That will insha’Allah enable you to be a better individual. There is nothing wrong with getting advice or help. There is nothing wrong with asking a question. Don’t let those doubts barricade you. Don’t build your mind on assumptions but build your mind based on something that will insha’Allah help you progress, that will clear those doubts and assumptions you have. Im here, so take the opportunity to use it to your advantage.

Why Men & Women Cannot Be Friends

Image

Can Women & Men Be Friends? I will list 5 reasons below why women and men cannot be friends. In my belief, I don’t think a man and woman can EVER be friends. You see how EVER is in capitals? You must be crazy, especially if you are a man or woman, thinking “well, she/he is just my friend.” Eh, WRONG lol! Now, why have I come to accept this belief? Well there are several reasons why.

Reason #1

This is a simple one and I’m sure everyone knows this and if you don’t, then you haven’t been paying much attention to your interactions with the opposite sex, that is if you do. Im sure, we all have had interactions with the opposite sex on many occasions. If you are going to nod your head and say, “no, no, no, no, not me.”

Image

If you are a man or woman and you have friends of the opposite sex, there is a very, very, very high chance that one of them likes you. It doesn’t matter whether they want to tell you or not or they are in a relationship, there is something about YOU that they like. It could be your personality, how you two have great chemistry and get along with each other, you are very attractive. All this is in their mind but you don’t know.

Reason #2

Often at times when Reason #1 comes into play and they’ve admitted to you and you wonder, well…. what do I do now? Do I tell them I like them too? Do I not say anything? Do I keep my mouth shut? Do I say, we are just friends? Most people know the song by an artist which takes me back to my rap days… “OH BABBBY YOOOOU!! YOU GOT WHAT I NEEEEED! BUT YOU SAY IM JUST A FRIEND! BUT YOU SAY IM JUST A FRIEND!!” Yeah, that’s right, she/he says you are just a friend. You really like the person for who they are. You’ve heard about their past experiences with the opposite sex and how they’ve been hurt and you just want to give best of you to this person but you are just a friend. No matter how nice of a person you are, no matter how much attention you get from this person, you are JUST A FRIEND.

Reason #3

You are just a shoulder for that person worries, woes, and filling in a boring, gap in their life. After that, GOODBYE TO YOU!!!!! Yes, you are being used by the opposite sex because you are an absolute PERFECT shoulder, that anytime anything happens you get the call as if you are Batman/Wonder Woman ready to rescue them from their woes, worries and boring life. They may even be in a relationship but you are the one that listens to their problems. You give the advice and everything but when it is time for you… it’s “Oh, I’ve been busy” or “I am busy.” If you want to continue being that shoulder for that person, then you are more than welcome to. Oh yeah, you are like that welcome mat on people’s front door step, everyone gets to step on it whenever they want to come in and leave. Do not become that individual. Stand your ground and say “LEAVE ME ALONE!” Be blunt!

Reason #4

After giving you Reasons 1-3, which seem negative, well there is more negativity to come. Let’s say, Reasons 1-3 are working great, you two are happily in “love” and ready to get married. Due to the decree of Allah SWT, is not happening. No matter how much you try convincing the parents, the cultural barriers aren’t an issue, it just isn’t happening. You’ve done ishtikhara and things are just falling apart. What happens now? You are heart broken and can’t move on with your life. Depression kicks in, more worries, you can’t accept the decree of Allah SWT.

Reason #5

Don’t become friends with the opposite sex. Either you are in it for a gain and benefit or the other person is. One person wants something, the other doesn’t. You want to further the progression in the friendship, get married, live a great life, the other doesn’t. NO MATTER WHAT, feelings are always going to get attached. Denial, denial, denial only because they fear of being rejected by the person they like and want. So stay away from the opposite sex to guard yourself from falling for them and then getting heart broken or used. You may say, this does not happen then you haven’t seen nothing yet or it is just hard for you to believe. Trust me, it does happen and it will happen as long as you are friends with someone who is attractive with a great personality or even a crappy, a-hole personality. You are ugly, she is beautiful. You are beautiful, he is ugly. You are attracted to her, she isn’t attracted to you and vice versa. If she doesn’t want you move on and stop being such a sucka. There will be someone for you, just not her or him. Don’t get used. Be smart and steer clear of the signs they give, especially if you aren’t interested. No point in playing them and affecting them, which will turn out bad for them. Do to others what you want done for yourself.

And if you are Muslim, you already know what it is. Non-mahram. If you aren’t serious about each other, cut the line playa!!!

Didn’t Meet Your Expectations This Ramadan?

Image

Didn’t meet your expectations this Ramadan? Didn’t accomplish what you had in mind? Ramadan is over or almost over? Do you give up or continue to strive? Just because Ramadan is over doesn’t mean you stop striving to fulfill those same expectations do you? Whatever you wanted to achieve this Ramadan, you have all these months to fulfill them and as the next Ramadan approaches, you will have fulfilled those same goals, expectations you had in mind only to get better. You don’t stop learning about Islam because the holiest month has passed or you are rewarded more. Who knows, the more you strive after Ramadan makes you a better person, you come closer to Allah SWT and you may even teach people about Islam which others may have not known about.

Always be positive with how you think in the present, so it’ll prepare you for your future. A lot of people put a stop to a lot of things after Ramadan only to lose all the benefit and work they’ve put forward. It’s like getting a job and within a month of getting the job, you stop working the way you used to work. You stop striving for a better position in the company and you are only miserable being stuck in the same place. Keep on striving even after Ramadan so you don’t have to worry about “I missed this and I missed that.” You didn’t miss nothing. You only think you missed so much, when in reality you missed nothing because you’ve been blessed to live another day. Many people have died this Ramadan. Some people died on the first day, some people died the first week and weren’t able to accomplish anything, while you’ve been blessed to complete the month with learning or being a better person insha’Allah for the sake of Allah SWT.

It’s like climbing a mountain and as soon as you get to the top, you decide to go all the way back down and say, ill wait another year to try and climb it again. No, you’ve almost reached the top, so continue to get to the top no matter how hard it becomes. No matter how cold the weather is up there. No matter what you have to go through, KEEP ON STRIVING! The finish line is when you die. That is it! When you die is when you rest. Right now, during these last few days of Ramadan or even 1 last day left, you keep on striving. You accomplish what you can and continue to accomplish more and more. Do not give up! Do not waste away all your effort because you’d rather do something which is less important. If you were reading the Quran consistently this Ramadan, keep on reading it. Even if you don’t do it everyday or read as much as you were reading, read as much as you can and as often as you can. If you were praying your salah 5 times a day, 3 times a day, 2 times a day, keep on striving. Do not let your salah go. Make that effort to pray in congregation. Make that effort to pray on time as you were. Make that effort to pray before the time for that salah is up. You began wearing the hijab this month, do your best to keep it on and remind yourself how beautiful you look in the hijab and the person you are only pleasing and doing it for is Allah SWT. You must remind yourself you are beautiful in it. If you were giving sadaqa (charity) continue to give charity, do not put an end to what you’ve worked so hard for.  It’s like an athlete whose trained for several weeks or months and when it is time to compete, the athlete just gives up and doesn’t want to compete anymore. You are that athlete and you are competing for the love of Allah SWT. If you were asking for forgiveness everyday, continue to ask. Do not leave what will make you better for what will make you possibly goto the hellfire. You want Jannah (heaven) not jahanum (hell).

So whatever you are able to learn even after Ramadan will be beneficial for you, insha’Allah. Don’t stop walking towards the straight path. Don’t stop walking towards Allah SWT. Don’t stop learning the religion which will enter you in jannah, insha’Allah. Your work is only done when your time is called to meet Allah SWT. As of today, you have today, tomorrow and insha’Allah more days to come. Take advantage of them.

You A What? A Muslim Now? A Practicing Muslim? WHAT!!!

proud_to_be_a_muslim

Asalamwalikhum (Peace Be Upon You). You are now a Muslim or a practicing Muslim and the people that are in your life are either in support of your new found spiritual form of happiness, that is by turning to tawheed (oneness of Allah) and doing the acts of worship, ibadah, coming closer to Allah SWT or just confused as to why, you’ve turned your life around? In many situations when people do turn their life around, there is always going to be pro’s and cons for it. People will either support you or not support you and their reasons for not supporting you has to do with their own whims and desires not being allowed to be fulfilled as you also give them dawah (invitation) to coming closer to Allah SWT or accepting there is no deity worthy of worship except Allah SWT.

Through this journey of coming closer to Allah SWT, you will be called several names, even names by the Muslims themselves or within your own family. They see a new person who is coming to closer Allah SWT by wearing the hijab, growing the beard, performing the salah (5 obligatory prayers), doing acts of sunnah which Im sure everyone does without knowing them and several other things which you are being rewarded for and your eman (faith) is being strengthened through these things. You will be labeled extremist, salafi or wahabi and a lot of times, many people don’t even know where the terms salaf and wahab originated from but, it is usually the blind following the blind, like how children do name calling in elementary at recess time, not knowing the truth. You will even have your own mother or father against you turning your life around, even though it has or will make you a better person in the short term and long term. If we look at the stories revealed in the Quran and there are several stories about the Messengers and how when they attempted to turn their life around, come to closer to Allah SWT, call people to worship only one God, there was backlash.

We look at the story of Prophet Ibrahim (Peace Be Upon Him), his own father was against his son worshipping Allah SWT and would rather have worshiped idols instead. Ibrahim (Peace Be Upon Him) says to his father, as Allah SWT reveals in the Quran, in Surah Maryam: “O my father, why do you worship that which does not hear and does not see and will not benefit you at all? O my father, indeed there has come to me of knowledge that which has not come to you, so follow me; I will guide you to an even path. O my father, do not worship Satan. Indeed Satan has ever been, to the Most Merciful, disobedient. O my father, indeed I fear that there will touch you a punishment from the Most Merciful so you would be to Satan a companion [in Hellfire].” and his father replied to him and said: “Have you no desire for my gods, O Abraham? If you do not desist, I will surely stone you, so avoid me a prolonged time.” [Verses 42-46]

And there are so many other Surahs in the Quran, which Allah SWT had revealed the stories of the Messengers of Allah being mocked, disobeyed, their people not believing in Allah SWT or being hypocrites. In our lives, we also see the same thing, whether they are within our own family, friends or even our parents whom we think would be understanding. What a lot of us don’t realize is, it is not us that guides others to Islam, we can only spread the message of Islam. As those of you who have been guided to Islam, to be aware of the Oneness of Allah, tawheed, doing your best to practice to the best of your ability you should say Alhumdulilah (Praise Be To Allah). Allah SWT says in Surah Al’An’am: “So whoever Allah wants to guide – He expands his breast to [contain] Islam; and whoever He wants to misguide – He makes his breast tight and constricted” [Verse 125] There is also the story of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) uncle who did not accept Islam even though this is the Messenger Of Allah. There was also Prophet Noah (Peace Be Upon Him) whose own son and wife did not accept Islam.

You will be met with backlash just as the Messengers of Allah were. Your friends will begin to distance themselves from you as you start practicing Islam even more, as they begin to see you as they would say or think “Better Than Us.” You will even hear people tell you, “yesterday you weren’t practicing, today you are and tomorrow or next week, you will be back to doing the same thing again, this is only temporary!” The believer has to understand, that your eman (faith) will constantly be up and down but as long as you strive to be the best you can be, Allah SWT will guide you the straight path. People will constantly have something to say about you, whether you are doing something good in your life or doing something bad in your life. No matter how hard you strive to better yourself there will be a critique from amongst your friends or family and even worse, the whispers in your head by the shaytaan.

These things are of no benefit to you but only a test to bring you closer to Allah SWT. It sounds like an oxymoron but if you think about it, when people constantly doubt you, you want to prove them wrong, don’t you? So prove these people wrong that you are not a temporary Muslim or a part-time Muslim. Yes, you will commit sins, there will be days where you will struggle to pray your salah. There will be days where sisters will not want to commit to the hijab anymore and just be “free” as people will tell them or say “show off your beauty, don’t hide it.” All this is not a relationship between you and them. You don’t know whether tomorrow these so called friends or even family will abandon you after you’ve listened to them. It’s sad to see how people are unsupportive when they see others do good but as soon as they do bad, they want to speak ill about them and not correct their errors or even so, join them in sin. All this is for Allah SWT and no one else. These things you are doing now as a Muslim or even a practicing Muslim is for you to open the doors of Al-Jannah (heaven) and meet Allah SWT with rewards that are mountains upon mountains high. So when you meet Allah SWT, everything you’ve done was for the sake of Allah SWT and no one else. Your friends will not come to your aid that day nor will your family or those who told you to oppose of the Sunnah or oppose of you practicing your religion because they see it as “extreme” or “traditional.” Be proud of who you are and that is a Muslim. Don’t be ashamed of who you are and what Allah SWT has blessed with and that is being a Muslim.

My brothers and sisters in Islam, continue to improve yourself. Learn the proper acts of worship because there are lot of things you will come across that may seem like it’s an act of worship but it is not. Correct your aqeeda (beliefs). Is Allah SWT truly every where or is Allah SWT above his creation, over his throne? The correct belief is Allah SWT is above His creation, over His throne. Now, my first thought was to allow you, the reader, to find out which is correct but I don’t want any confusion, so the correct belief, in your aqeeda, is Allah SWT is ABOVE His creation and His throne.  There are several verses which reveal that , look them up and educate yourself, just dont believe everything you hear. Don’t just take in every act of worship people tell you to do unless those acts of worships have been established within the Sunnah Of The Messenger Of Allah and the Quran. Every single act of worship needs a proof, an authentic proof, not fabricated or weak and if there is no proof, those acts of worship will not count. You as a Muslim will have to answer for everything you do, so do the best you can do. Remember these 3 as you continue your journey to better yourself.

When you are given, you are grateful

When you are tested, you are patient

And When you commit a sin, ask forgiveness. 

Ill also leave you with one of my favourite hadiths that makes me feel at ease whenever I commit sins because we ALL will. No one is perfect.

The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Allah, Blessed and Exalted is He, says, ‘O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshipping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.” [Tirmidhi]

Question: “I Don’t Think Love Exists Anymore……

I don’t think love exists on earth anymore. there is more bad than good from love and love IS evil most of time

Your perception of love may have come from your falling out with people whom you thought you were in love with and vice versa. For you to say, love is evil, may also come from the lack of trust you may have for another in order to come to a thought like that. Love should not be defined from bad experiences because that’s all you’ll receive and look for is bad experiences. In order to love, fully, whole heartily, you must not look at every situation as the past situations because they are your past. You must learn and adapt from those experiences, in order for you to become a better overall person and for you to love with the intent of loving for the sake of Allah SWT. Allah SWT has divided mercy into 100 parts and kept 99 for himself and sent one part down to Earth. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Allah divided mercy into one-hundred parts and He kept its ninty-nine parts with Him and sent down its one part on the earth, and because of that, its one single part, His creations are Merciful to each other, so that even the mare lifts up its hoofs away from its baby animal, lest it should trample on it.” [Sahih Bukhari] So love comes from the mercy He has given us. Genuine love may be hard to find because some individuals talk about it, rather than be about it. We as Muslims must be honest with our feelings and be truthful about them. As the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “None of you will believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself.” [Bukhari & Muslim] If we look at that hadith, it says to us, what you would like to be done to you, do to others as well. So treat others in a manner that would not hurt you or against your morals or beliefs. So do not define now, as you would define 2 years ago or 5 years because people grow in wisdom and eventually mature. As Muhammad Ali said. “The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” So continue to grow everyday, be mature, be open minded, continue to learn and move on from your past.

Men: “I Own You!” Think & Reflect

reflect

*Authors Note* I’ve written an article titled “Women: I am Independent.” I knew when i was writing that article, quite a few people would be offended and in awe and others would be in support of it. I think it is time, I write an article “Men: I Own You!!” So here is the article I was supposed to write a while ago but had other things to write.

To the men who think that your wives can’t live without you, that they need your support, that have to bow down to you or else you’ll threaten them with divorce or you’ll use the hadith which the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “If the woman performs the five daily prayers, fast the month of Ramadan, maintains her chastity and obeys her husband, she will enter paradise through whichever door she chooses.” [Al-Musnad] How dare you use a hadith to take advantage of your wives? The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) also said: “The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family.” [Tirmidhi] These hadiths are for you to think, reflect and understand, not there for you to take advantage of them. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) was the best to his family, example his wives. Many men come from a background where they have done absolutely nothing, while their mothers have taken care of them, cooked for them, cleaned for them, basically they’ve been spoiled or they’ve been told “this is not a job for you, this is a woman’s job.” So they’ve formed a belief, a mentality that only their wives are supposed to do these things, the house work. This is far from a culture issue and many people will say, this stems from cultures but it does not. It comes from how they are raised in a home.

Now, you’ll have a man say, “well, in Surah An-Nisa Allah SWT says, I am in the maintainer and protecter of the women, He didn’t say, I have to cook and clean!” This is where you come to the belief that you are only supposed to do as you are told and you are, masha’Allah, if you are maintaining and protecting your women but you also forget, that we as an ummah, men and women, follow also The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him). It was narrated by Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allah used to “sew his own clothes, mend his shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes.” [Al-Musnad]. So how come you’ve come under the belief that your wives are only to do all the house work and them alone? Isn’t the Messenger of Allah an example for us? Allah SWT says in Surah An-Nisa: “O, Mankind, fear your Lord, who has created you from a single soul and created from it, its mate and from them both, many men and many women and fear Allah through whom you demand your mutual rights and indeed Allah is ever watchful over you.”

But instead what you do is either abuse your wife verbally or physically or never appreciate what is done. Just because you are the maintainer and protecter of your women, your wives, this does not mean you oppress them. Allah SWT did give the men rights over their wives but He also has given rights to the wives over their husband but you often forget these things and only abuse your power for your benefit.

Allah SWT has given you a responsibility for your wife, just as her parents have given you that responsibility and trust that you will love her, take care of her and do your best to keep her happy. Imagine one day, your daughter was to marry a man, you would have the same belief in mind that he is going to love her, take care of her and do his best to keep her happy, right? But instead he didn’t. How much would it hurt you to know that your daughter was being physically and verbally abused, to only be married as a slave for him? You would be hurt to the point where you would want to hurt this man! Allah SWT didn’t create women as slaves, so why speak and order your wife as a slave? Would you allow another man to do that your daughter, of course you wouldn’t. It would anger you to watch that take place or hear about it.

As men being the maintainers, this does not give you the right to abuse your power because you may be the bread winner in the home. None of the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them all) did that. Where did the Companions learn the treatment of the women from? From the book of Allah, the Quran and the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him). Allah SWT also says in Surah An-Nisa “live with them in kindness.” So where did the harsh treatment of women come from? Where did you believe it was right for you to undermine your wife efforts in the home and to not appreciate her? Why be unjust to your wife or your wives, when Allah SWT says also in Surah An-Nisa to “deal with them justly

Men, whatever you do in your home to your wife, your daughters may marry a man who may do the same to her and whatever you do your wife, your sons may do the same to their wives. You are a role model for your children, so shape them, mould them to the way the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) and his treatment to the ummah (nation) and his wives. You will be questioned for your treatment of your wives and how you also raised and took care of your family. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Beware. every one of you is a shepherd and every one is answerable with regard to his flock. The Caliph is a shepherd over the people and shall be questioned about his subjects (as to how he conducted their affairs). A man is a guardian over the members of his family and shall be questioned about them (as to how he looked after their physical and moral well-being). A woman is a guardian over the household of her husband and his children and shall be questioned about them (as to how she managed the household and brought up the children). A slave is a guardian over the property of his master and shall be questioned about it (as to how he safeguarded his trust). Beware, every one of you is a guardian and every one of you shall be questioned with regard to his trust. [Shahih Muslim] So be careful as you will questioned for what you do and their treatment and how you’ve helped raised your kids.

May Allah protect us from these bad manners, ill treatments and guide us to the way The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) treated the ummah, his family and his wives. Ameen.

Being A Muslim Is About…..

reflections_i99 (1)

Being a Muslim is about being positive to the upmost, so being a practicing Muslim it means to be positive. If you were to look at Islam in its different aspects, you would find it’s all about empowering the individual, to giving direction in life and to set you in a direction where he knows, no matter what happens he still got hope and he’s got a chance until his last breath. Therefore, since our breaths are numbered we have to make sure they are spent in the right way and every breath is taken in a way that only makes us grow and come closer to our Lord and to be people who contribute in society, who spread a message that truly everyone needs to know the reality of it because truly it comes with solutions in all aspects and specifically we are talking about being positive.

One thing I want to share, The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “If the hour occurs, while in the hand of one of you holds a small plant, let him plant it.” You might ask the question, what is the reason behind that? I’ll tell you cause your duty is to work till the last set and for you is to do and upon Allah is the results but it is about leading hearts to grow. It’s about causing minds to overcome obstacles, to see hope in the midst of darkness. To be that person who just simply inspires, that is what a leader is. A leader is someone who can give that positive impression and look and be the source for that power, for others around them.

I’ll tell you one thing, The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) was the best of leaders and I say this bluntly and openly. I don’t say this with a hype, I say this while believing in him. Why? Because he was a man that did not lead bodies but led hearts and minds to be, the best of people even in the midst of hardships. This is what makes him so special till this day and we say, Alhumdulilah (Thanks To Allah) that we have such a role model that we can follow and we can take him as an example. This model belief that Islam teaches, except that is there to empower you. All beliefs that Islam comes with, is to purify your heart and your mind from all that which is impure and also to give you the strength to be someone who can continue a journey that its end is with Allah.

I like one of the beautiful examples from the Prophets. I recall this was the Prophet Hud (Peace Be Upon Him), when he was someone who turned to Allah and he put his trust in Allah and he made his du’aa. It didn’t matter anymore how many enemies he had. It didn’t matter anymore where he was. He told his enemies that disliked him and hurt him, he tells them bluntly and straight up, “plot against me all of you and don’t give me any time. I have put my trust in my Lord and your Lord” at the end of the day, you cannot hurt me, you cannot do nothing, you cannot affect me with nothing, if it wasn’t for my Lord allowing it. Just take into consideration, that my Lord will not allow it except to increase me in status.

As one of them said, when you find yourself going down because of the pressures that you are faced with and people who don’t want to bring you up. We have people like that who just want to destroy you and they don’t want to see a flourishing nation, you know? They don’t like seeing that at times, unfortunately. I’ll tell you one thing. I like what was said. He said when they push you down, remember the best place to go in, is all the way down in prostration to Allah, ask Him and come back up because they want to bring you down.

By: Sheikh Mustapha Al Majzoub martyred in Syria on the blessed day of Eid [Sunday 20th August 2012]. Allah give him the highest ranks in Jannah. Ameen.

When Do I Know When I Am Ready To Get Married?

Image

Asalamwalikum (Peace Be Upon You). Many people ask themselves or people the question, “When do I know if I am ready to get married?” The question you have to ask yourself is, why are you pursuing marriage? You have friends that have just gotten married and you are caught in the hype? You are genuinely looking to get married? You are fascinated by marriage? There are a lot of reasons why people intend to get married. Your intention has to be right whether you are young or old. A lot of times, especially with young people, they think they are ready for marriage but they are not and it causes a lot heart ache in the long run and it may or may not affect you psychologically for the next person who may have pure intentions for marriage.

1. Concentrate on yourself and correct your intention. Make sure it is what you want and not just because there are summer weddings you’ve attended or because your friends are getting married and you think you are ready too. We attend weddings and we become fascinated by all the things that happen. We see two couples happy, two families happy and everyone is having a great time. We see the happiness in the face of the couple and it is what we desire, until the feeling wears off. We believe we are ready for marriage but a lot of times, our intention is not correct. We simply have the desire to get married because others are. Another reason is because we have several problems in our lives. Whether it has to do with our eman (faith), not praying salah, emotional and psychological problems and getting married won’t a lot of times solve your issues. You are only looking to get married to solve the issues and share your burden. That is not to say, being married you aren’t allow to share the burden with your spouse but this should not the be sole reason why you are pursuing marriage. Your intention has to be right, you want to get married for the correct reasons.

2. Find someone who is a practicing Muslim and you should at least be practicing to. Im not talking about the companions type of practicing because I highly doubt they exist but someone who is at least practicing because they will be a role model for your children. They’ll pray as he prays and they’ll pray she prays and you two can learn from each other. Your spouse completes half of your religion and what is a better way to complete it by finding someone whom also shares the vision of jannah (heaven)? Whom will help you strive to the straight path? Whom will correct your aqeeda (belief) or fine tune it, if there are things you are doing which you thought was a Sunnah or an act of worship wasn’t. You want your spouse to correct these things because you want to save each other from the hellfire and meet each other in jannah.

3. If you feel and know you are ready, your intention is correct, ask friends if they know someone who they think is compatible for you or even your family. Compatibility is extremely important, not just in an Islamic sense but in ways you get along with each other. Things you dislike and like. You DO NOT want a clone of you. You two have to have chemistry. If you two cannot get along, then leave it alone. They may be extremely good looking or have good manners but if there is nothing there which you find or feel, shut the door because this is now closed. Do not go and try to fix this person to your desires because it won’t work. You are making a very bad move and it’ll hurt you in the long run. People will come as they are and improve, you can either accept it or reject it, don’t be delusional.

The reason why you go to your friends and your family it’s because they know your character, so they have seen every side of you. If they do know someone then you can give that a try but make sure, you two aren’t alone because it leads to several things which you think you are prepared for in your mind but you are not when it gets to that point. Do your BEST to keep it halal. It is hard but you can do it and it is do able.

Now the problem with telling your family that you are looking to get married, it can become an issue. I know with the issues that happen within a lot of homes, we are not as close as we want to be with our parents and instead, we are close to our friends. Our parents have put this kind of fear or kind of hesitation whenever we feel like talking to them about these issues. In order to break these barriers, you must take the first step into breaking them and talking about it. You have to over come your fears. Many parents carry an old age tradition or mentality that is either rough or rugged, that means certain issues cannot be talked about it. Break that barrier. Your parents are everything in your life, so they deserve to be told. It shouldn’t be as if you’ve made a decision and you bring the individual over and your parents are blowing a fuse because you are saying “Hey, mom, dad, I want you to meet a guy/girl I wan to marry, here she/he is, SURPRISE!” I wouldn’t be surprised if you got a smack upside your head, you don’t want that lol. I know parents can be tough to speak to. They can be hard to crack but be patient with them and be courageous. In order to have a relationship with your parents, it must start with you. So break that barrier and speak to them.

4. Know what you are looking for when it comes to a spouse and please don’t be superficial. I think the sole reason why people remain single for a very long time is because they are looking for a superficial, imaginary spouse that will come riding a horse or a luxury car and you’ll be rescued or she will drop a glass slipper and you’ll pursue her. C’mon people, these things aren’t real lol… You have to be realistic and not live in your imagination. Good character, good habits, good manners, goals, ambitions, how they treat their friends and family, how often they pray. All these things have to come into consideration. Being millionaires and having degrees does not make up for the lack of character, lack of eman and respect they’ll give to you in marriage. Money and degrees does not give you a successful marriage but a person who is open minded, caring, loving, hard working, willing to sacrifice and compromise for you will, insha’Allah (if Allah wishes).

5. If you think both of you are right for each other, meaning you’ve both agreed to take the next step and that is to pursue marriage, then pray ishtikhara, it is the guidance salah. You will read a lot of misconceptions about ishtikhara and things that will happen. You will not get a dream. You will not get a dream, I have to write it twice because you don’t know how many times I hear people tell me, “I had a dream!” No, Martin had a dream, you are having an I don’t know what. That is by far the biggest misconception about Ishtikhara is if the person is right or wrong for you, you’ll see a dream with certain colours or that you’ll see a delicious ice cream sandwich that means, they are right for you and this is incorrect. The correct way of knowing if that person is right for you, is you will get a feeling or things will happen where you’ll see things are getting tough for the marriage to take place or things will get easier and the marriage is happening and everyone is happy.

6. Finally this is the most important aspect in the search of marriage and that is being happy with the decree of Allah and patience. The person you will end up marrying is already written for you. So it may not be this person, it may be another or another or another, so be patient in your search. Do not drown yourself in depression or sadness because it did not happen, as there is wisdom behind this. Perhaps if it did happen and they led you to the hellfire because of their actions or they hurt you or abused you or whatever it may be. There are women that verbally and physically abuse their husband and there are men which also do the same thing to their wives, so be happy with the decree of Allah SWT.

And Allah knows best.

If you have any questions, need advice, just email me and I’ll do my best to reply with the best possible advice.

mshabazz33@gmail.com

Also read: https://mshabazz33.wordpress.com/2016/06/21/the-importance-of-marrying-a-practicing-muslim/