Parents, Wali (Guardians) Please Be Open Minded

Fresh-prince-parents-just-dont-understand

 

Parents have a responsibility of at least meeting their children’s potential spouse. The refusal could lead to cutting off ties of kinship (which is not permissible in Islam) and the children running away together simply because you aren’t open minded about their wants and needs. Parents think they are always right in the end and what I want for my children is always best. That may be correct but at the same time, you are only looking into your wants and needs which differ from your children’s, as they are created differently.

Many times children are put into difficult situations, where it is my family or my spouse to be? Eventually, the ego within the refusal of the parents, turns into marriage happening secretly, zina (sex) where the woman ends up getting pregnant or the ties of kinship getting broken.

Parents should be open minded about meeting the individual. This is their future, as you’ have done your best to shape theirs. Not everything will go your way and they will not do everything as you have dreamed of. Islam is more than just skin colour, traditions and cultures. It is firstly, eman (faith) and good character. If that individual, spouse to be has that, allow the marriage to happen by putting your ego aside and being open minded. You have done your best to protect your best investment, which is your children but refusals after refusals and giving you an understanding will led to things that will hurt your children and hurt you.

Don’t ever allow it to lead to that point. Please, be open minded. Meet them, so your children feel as if they are important even though you made them feel that way their whole life. They want to create a future which is fitting for them, so allow them that choice as you can’t protect them their whole life. Tie your camel and leave the rest to Allah SWT.

*This article is only a follow up to another article I’ve written*

https://mshabazz33.wordpress.com/2013/04/11/can-i-marry-in-secrecy-think-reflect/

Reflections Of UK

Asalamwalikum (Peace Be Upon You), I had just finished spending approximately a month in the United Kingdom. Many go on vacations to have a good time or see family. Some go wife hunting while I went haircut scoping. Anywhere I went, I just looked at everyones haircut and literally, almost every haircut I seen was terrible! Except for London, those barbers are good. As my cousin would say in his Yorkshire accent, “you are doing my head in with this bad haircut stuff, shut up!”

The United Kingdom was different. I had gone a few times before but this time it was different. I had got to see a lot of family which I didn’t know some of them even existed. Many would be surprised the amount of family I have and from what parts of the world and Alhumdulilah (thanks to Allah) it just keeps growing. From what I know, I have family in obviously the UK, Burma, India, South Africa, Reunion, France, Fiji and obviously Canada. There is probably more out there and more to come as my cousins get married through out the years, hopefully they marry people of different ethnic backgrounds. InshaAllah (Will of Allah) I can meet as many as I can while I am alive. Many people forget the importance of ties of kinship and how we not only as Muslims should recognize and understand that. Family is by far the most important set of friends and back bone you’ll ever have. Many people cut off family due to family  politics or unrelated issues, which as the years go on, the children growing up also cut off that tie of kinship as well, which is not permissible in Al-Islam. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “One will not enter paradise if he/she cuts off relations with relatives.” Shahih Al-Bukhari

One thing I did find awkward about the UK was Muslims serving alcohol in Muslim established restaurants. I guess the ones I went to, seemed to be the popular ones, served alcohol to cater to all people but little do they know or forget that it is Allah SWT that provides for you your rizq. Allah SWT has already pre-ordained your rizq while you were in the womb of your mother. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) said: “The constituents of one of you are collected for forty days in his mother’s womb in the form of blood, after which it becomes a clot of blood in another period of forty days. Then it becomes a lump of flesh and forty days later Allah sends His angel to it with instructions concerning four things, so the angel writes down his livelihood, his death, his deeds, his fortune and misfortune.” It was just extremely awkward and made me uncomfortable sitting in a place, knowing it is owned by Muslims serving what is already been forbidden in Al-Islam. Not just Al-Islam itself but the two other major religions Christianity and Judaism. People assume their businesses will not be successful if they don’t serve the masses. People assume if I don’t sell something which is already forbidden but makes money, I will not be able to provide for my family but it is Allah SWT that provides, not you. You and I are required to make that effort to attain whatever it is possible out there for us and It’ll be given.

This month in the UK has also been tests of patience. Never would I have imagined a month like this. When you go on vacation you just want to get away from everything. Just want to enjoy what is out there then go back home but Allah SWT had decree something else not only for myself but my family as well. Imagine being hundreds of miles away and finding out your mother has been admitted to the hospital? Not only once but 3 times in less than 2 weeks. The first time you think, InshaAllah everything will be okay but two more times after that? The pain you feel is unbearable. You can’t think straight and all you are able to do is make duaa (supplication) that everything will be okay. As The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon) said: “Patience is as the first stroke of calamity.” – Shahih Al-Bukhari

Things did not end there but through the whole month I had remained patient and even currently now, while I’m on this flight now, I must remain patient and be persistent in my duaa to ensure everything will be okay. There are many other things going on in my life currently, where I believe some would have threw in the towel and said, “all this is just not worth it.” I’m not that type of individual. I don’t give up when life gets tough and sit down. I enjoy standing as it is. My cousin, my ace, I like to call him my twin would tell me, “someone once told me, when you get a chance to sit down, you sit the bleep down.” It only motivates me to keep on trying until the line is cut. Allah SWT has prescribed times when duaas are accepted. Duaa at the time of traveling is accepted, just as duaa in sujood, when it rains, duaa of the oppressed, and at the time of ekhama. Im sure there is more but this what I remember off the top of my head. This does not mean your duaas aren’t accepted any other time but these are the best times. So when I had boarded my flight for Toronto, I made duaa. Allah SWT will grant my duaas when the time is right. Not when you and I want but when He wants, as He is the the Creator of the heavens and the earth. As He created it all in 7 days and established His throne above His creations. You and I must stay patient through out the whole ordeal. Never give up but be persistent and InshaAllah it will happen. Allah SWT knows best.

I had enjoyed my time in the UK. My family took care of me and people I didn’t even know before took care of me as well. It was a wonderful experience. Alhumdulilah for everything they have done for me and May Allah SWT reward them for their efforts and bless them with good health, family and grant them Jannah (Heaven). I know I had told my aunties that I wouldnt write this but me, I’m a bodmon! Mi na care! I’m joking. I promised them I wouldn’t, so I won’t. All you readers have to remember is the story of Hanzel & Gretel, then you’ll know. No, they aren’t witches, I hope not. I love them though for everything they had done for me. My cousins, aunties, uncles and family friends and friends of friends.  They made my time really enjoyable.

So this was my time in the UK and what I had experienced. I do plan to go back real soon, like reaaaallllyy soon. May Allah SWT grant me patience with what I am going through and May Allah SWT also grant you, the readers, eman (faith) and deen (religion), patience and allow people to see the beauty of Islam and what it teaches about patience and how to deal with things at the time of hardship  and many more.

I’d also like to thank all the readers from all over the world. Thank you for reading what I’ve shared with you all and thank you for sharing it with others. I do hope, InshaAllah it benefitted you in some way. It has made you smile. It has made your day better. It has made things easier in your life to accept. You are free to contact me at anytime email me at mshabazz33@gmail.com

Thank you for reading. Walikumsalam.