Be In Control

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Never allow any individual to have power over you. Unless they created you and they move your limbs for you, they do not have power over you. Every individual is limited to how much power they have over you and that limit increases by how much power you give them by placing them significantly in your life. The more you rely on them for things, the more power you give them. The less you rely on them, the less power they have. Never become too reliant on people, so they are powerless on your ability to be happy or sad. Never place your happiness or sadness inside of people but keep the ability within yourself. If they are able to control your happiness or sadness, they have too much power over you, which you have given them.

You possess the strength, you possess the power. They do not. You are in control of who you are, they are not. You are in control of your daily actions, they are not. They do not move any part of your body for you, except when you agree to it, so know who is in control of the physical being, the reflection in the mirror and make sure it is you that is standing alone in the mirror without a reflection of any other individual.

Allah SWT has given us choices, so make power moves to move the insignificant figures in your life who seem to control every aspect of it by draining the life out of you and wanting to destroy it. Learn the power of distance and the learn the power of being the smaller individual in their eyes by taking the first step in forgiveness and distance, which will make you the bigger individual who has put ego aside. Be in control of the situations that have no power over you, when you in fact have the power to make the right decisions, that will lead you to a better place and having total control of the most important person. That is YOU!

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Solutions For A Heartbreak

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You’ve recently come out of a relationship with a person whom you thought your life was set with. You had all types of dreams. All types of conversations about getting married, living together, having kids and being husband and wife. You two had spent quite a lot of your time together. Being in a relationship which made you two feel spectacular together. Inseparable! Your friends knew about the two of you and they could only compliment your relationship and how fantastic it was. Life takes its own twist and turns and the relationship is no more.

Your heart is broken. Your pillow is wet. You are having sleepless nights and looking for ways to either get back together or look for ways to get over that individual. No matter what you’ve done through the weeks or months that have passed, you’ve been in a slump. Feeling blah and out of character because this individual, this person you loved so much, is no longer apart of your life. You’ve tried various methods on how to get over this person and NOTHING seems to work.

I will list several ways on how to get over this individual and why you can’t get over this individual, insha’Allah.

Why You Can’t Get Over Them?

1. Your expectations of being together were held way too high. As you know, life is unpredictable. Today you are healthy, tomorrow morning you are feeling sick with a high fever. Coughing, vomiting, thinking yesterday I was just fine, what happened to me today? When holding such high expectations of things you can only dream about coming true, eventually when it doesn’t you are in for a huge disappointment. This is how life can be at times. Unpredictable. You’ve held such high expectations of things coming true, when it didn’t, your life came crashing down like a building that has just been demolished or jenga. You want to NEVER hold anyone or anything to such high expectations that when it doesn’t go your way, your life goes away with it too. You are only capable of doing and giving what you are able to. After that, whatever comes is not in your hands and never has been. Hold people in a balanced position, when and if things don’t go as you’ve hoped or planned, your soul, your heart is not going with those expectations that have crumbled.

2. You feel you’ll never find a person like them. The point in the heart break where the thought races through your head, “I will never find someone like that ever again! I will never be loved the way they loved me! I will be lonely for life! No one will love me again!” You’ve held this person in your life to such a high plateau that everything has revolved around them. The way they loved you, the way they cared for you and the way they were so attentive to your needs. Now that they are gone, you feel no one can ever come close to that again. This is where you’ve held a person, a creation, to expectations which are unreal, not fit for anyone but all of us are capable of loving, caring and being attentive to one another. Instead you hold onto a firm belief, that no one will love you like them and you’ll never find someone like that ever again. This is where you are wrong. You don’t know if that person was right for you. You two may have gotten along but perhaps along the way, something may have happened which would have worsened the relationship  to the point where it was much more destructive than just a break up. Your life doesn’t end with just this individual and your heart and soul does not belong to them. Your heart and soul belongs to you and Allah SWT, your creator. There WILL be someone better than that individual and there will be someone that will come into your life who is a much more improved individual than that person was.

How To Get Over The Individual

1. Know that this individual never belonged to you in the first place and that Allah SWT, your creator had planned someone better all along. You need to firmly believe this because this is the decree of Allah SWT. As this thought will enable you to think positively about the future and what is to come into your life for the betterment of your life.

2. Cut off all communication you have with this individual. After a relationship ends, we tend to hold onto that person, wanting that person back in our lives, so we continue to speak to them, hoping things workout again. The fact of the matter is, if it was to workout, it would have but it didn’t. This is good for your life. It helped you avoid certain situations which again, could have been destructive in the future. Perhaps your eman (faith) would not improve. Perhaps the relationship would have led to the hell fire and Allah SWT had protected both of you from it. Cut all ties with this individual. Text messages, phone calls, block and delete from social networks. Do not spy on them. Delete pictures, old memories, take a deep breath and believe things will be better, insha’Allah. If the individual does decide to come back, you have to consider EVERYTHING that has happened in the relationship and if they are not serious about getting married and just want a relationship, you have to remind the person, we have something here which could be long term and you two were probably long term so come to my wali (guardian) and lets get married. If marriage is not what they want, then believe, marriage is something they’ve never wanted in the first place. Move on with your life and insha’Allah, you’ll be with someone who will commit their life to you with the right intentions.

3. Be around positive people. No matter what types of problems you have in your life, when you are around people who are happy, have a connection with Allah SWT, you will more than likely have that same feeling. You are what your friends are. If your friends cuss, you will likely cuss. If you friends are happy, always in a good mood, that will pass on to you. This will allow your mind to get off of so many things that weren’t meant to be and be around people who are meant to be in your life for a reason. Cherish them. These people are long term and will more than likely be around even after you’ve married the person Allah SWT has set aside for you.

4. Seek forgiveness with Allah SWT. Know that your relationship was haram (forbidden) and you need to make sincere repentance from being in a relationship with a non-mahram. This individual was not your spouse and everything you’ve done while being together was sinful. Allah SWT is Al-Gaffur (The Forgiving) so ask. This is my favourite hadith, I love it because it shows how reassuring and how forgiving Allah SWT is. How merciful He is.

The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Allaah, Blessed and Exalted is He, says, ‘O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshipping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.” [Tirmidhi]

5. Be patient through your heart break and learn from this. Do not become bitter nor become overly depressed as this was out of your control. This individual was not meant for you from the very beginning of your life. Was never written but someone else is. Smile as often as you can and keep your head high. You are wasting your precious life, your tears, starving yourself because of a person that was not meant to be. Your life is worth more. Your body is worth more. You deserve happiness and happiness was not destined with this individual. Allah SWT had protected you from so much and you need to thank Allah SWT for it. The person that enters your life next, do not judge them based on this relationship or past relationships assuming things will go the same way. You do not know the outcome nor do you know their intentions. Be cautious but also be optimistic and positive that insha’Allah this person is the one. Take the right measures in getting to know this individual, so your heart and soul does not become attached and when they leave, the attachment, does not belong to them, it belongs to you. Be balanced and always, always, thank Allah SWT for everything.

Insha’Allah, this helps. If you have any questions or you are going through something like this and you need advice, feel free to contact me. My email is mshabazz33@gmail.com

Also read: https://mshabazz33.wordpress.com/2014/02/18/advice-regarding-your-post-on-solutions-for-a-heartbreak/

None Of You Will Truly Believe Until…

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Most people are concerned with how Beyonce did her hair, what new style of hijab Ill wear, what sneakers to pick up next instead of helping to find solutions to the problems society has to constantly deal with, which aren’t relatively new. The sad part is, as new trends keep popping up and new “stars” arise, world issues, things we deal with on a regular basis, social problems are put into the corner of the closet and forgotten about.

Most people are intrigued and would rather hear the gossip about whose family did what, what sins another person committed, instead of looking into their own errors but who cares, all this is minor until you have to deal with it within your family or yourself. Then to go out and hear these things from those you reported to, only to look down and contemplate about how you spoke about others.

We are rather intrigued by the dramas that unfold but are fictional and only a person’s imagination. We attempt live within that realm that never existed because after the director yells “CUT!” their personas, the people you admire are cut too. Instead we flock to these people who probably don’t even care about you. You invest your time, money and energy screaming their name, only for them to say “who are you again? I know you from where?” yeah, they never really cared. Instead, you rather get your heart broken by these fictional marauders, instead of getting your heart repaired by the words of Allah SWT.

The world is so full of “what is there to entertain me next?” Instead of “what do I learn to do next, that will benefit me?” Instead we have people expecting instructional manuals on life, instead of experiencing it themselves. They don’t know, experience is life’s best teacher but who cares, I’d rather wait to hear someone else story.

The fame and the glory is not something to live for because even those who lived for the fame were often at times miserable themselves. Attaining temporary happiness but you seek attain what is temporary and they would happily exchange their life for yours because it’s more simplistic, without it being televised and photographed if they step out. Instead we foam at the mouth dreaming of their nightmares, while they plead and want to escape their nightmares, wanting your reality.

We are more concerned about who scuffed up our shoes, instead of those who have no shoes. We pass people with their hands out, while our hands are stuck in our pocket. Stingy to give a dollar but more than happy to give multi-billionaire companies $200. It’s confusing but this is the reality we live in. Syria full of blood. Egypt full of blood. Burma full of blood. Bangladesh full of blood. Palestine full of blood. Iraq full of blood. Afghanistan full of blood. Pakistanis and Somalis hit by drones while Obama says “I hope Muslims have a happy and safe Ramadan around the world. A month blessed with joys of family, peace and understanding.” Hypocritical. Africans being subjects to new chemical test and us…. full of pride and ego. We sleep in peace, while they are afraid of losing more than a piece of themselves. Our reality better than theirs but we don’t cherish it, instead we complain about the food, the clothes, the cars and the way we commute which we don’t lack, which they lack of.

It’s a sad reality and this is how we really live. Tomorrow will never change until we change the conditions within ourselves but we are deaf, dumb and blind by our own egos, pride and new ways to become popular and how to entertain ourselves. The voice of the people trapped behind the guns drawn, the laws passed and big brother watching. No unity but we are united in long lines to shop for the latest deals. What’s up with that? Victory seems to close but united we need to become first. The United Nations have their own agendas, so they don’t count.

We are the voice of the people. Leaders of this beautiful ummah (community/nation).The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “None of you will truly believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself.” [Shahih Al-Bukhari]

Think about…………..