Why Are We Struggling To Get Married?

expectations

 

Why are we struggling to get married?

First, our parents put too many expectations on your spouse to be. They expect that individual to be of your origin and from your village. Then, the degree, wealth and career choice. It’s not common for parents to worry about deen because some how it isn’t important.

Second, our expectations. Beautiful, handsome, ethnicity, what type of degree and career choice. Sometimes I absolutely hear really stupid things. like “If they don’t have a degree, how can they have an intellectual conversation?” C’mon, bruh, really? Once again, It’s not common for us to worry about deen.

Want to make getting married easier? Make sure that individual is at least practicing Islam to the best of their ability. Anyone can wear a hijab. Anyone can grow a beard but it is the actions of the limbs and tongue that matter most. If they have that, then look at them. Are they attractive to you? Do you see what you like? OK good, if they do. Next, make sure you are compatible. You two get along. Can make each other laugh and smile. That individual is open minded and understanding. They have goals. Long term and short term.

Money? It is needed but not an excessive amount. Degrees? Cool if you have, cool if you don’t. If that individual doesn’t have deen, then you as a Muslim, they aren’t right for you. Deen is what will run the family and raise the kids. Without it, you are lost. You need that individual to be upon the Quran and Sunnah, not upon misguidance and innovations.

Easy as written? I wish! let’s make it easy then. As parents and spouses to be.

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Give Precedence To Deen (Religion), Character & Personality – Not Culture & Tribalism

Personality-Character

 

It’s sad that still this day and age, tribalism and culture still has precedence over deen (religion), character and personality. So many are being turned away for marriage due to ignorance and pride, when it has done nothing for them except hurt their families. They think they are making the best possible decision but for whom? Themselves? It only hurts the children who are actually following the deen and then ending up having to choose between family and the person of their interests, one of the worst ultimatum an individual has to live through. Islam is not about whose culture is the best or whose tribe is the best or whose community is the best but it is about who will lead me to jannah (heaven)? Who will make me a better muslim? Who will help me raise children that will be beneficial for the ummah (nation/community)? But rather, it has become who mahr (payment) is higher for my daughter, who has the best degrees and whose skin is lighter, it is sad but a true reality, when neither of those are needed to make a good spouse.

A degree cannot make a marriage successful but it may make you successful. The colour of a persons skin does not make a person’s character beautiful when it may be rotten. And the mahr (payment) will not cure the problems in the relationship when it will vanish away through spending or left aside and may be forgotten.

We are all made from clay and water, sperm to egg and came out the same way. Raised by a male and female or a single parent, eat the same way, walk the same way and do many things the same way, so how could we see others differently, when we aren’t different at all?

Your skin is brown, theirs is white, underneath is red. Our tears drop the same, our saliva forms the same and only thing different about us is our personality, character, fingerprints and physical features. Other than that, we are the same. So why give precedence over something that really isn’t different?

If your tribe or culture was better, you’d be elevated into the heavens and written about but you aren’t. You live on the earth just as the rest and will be put into the earth just as the rest, that is to rest. Make things easy for others and do not give precedence to culture, skin colour and tribes when neither benefits you. Choose people based on their character and personality, not their culture or skin colour. Skin colour or culture does not develop relationship skills but people whose character and personality are great, do. Think wisely when making a decision for your sons and daughters because you may be guilty choosing something that has no status, when piety, character and personality do.

Just something to think about….

Culture & Racism – NOT ISLAM!

Racism will always be around. There will be blacks who wont allow blacks to marry whites and whites wont allow whites to marry blacks. South Asian people wont allow their kids to marry different cultures, just as Chinese and the whole others wont allow these types of marriages either. There will be segregated churches, just as their are segregated mosques and this is the reality of it. No one should leave their deen (religion) because people, not our deen (religion) have made these decisions within themselves. Allah SWT says Surah Al-Hujurat, Chapter 49 Verse 13: “O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted.

Islam, The Quran states it beautifully that we are ONE and not disconnected nor should we be segregated but we have done it upon ourselves and this is just not Islam but this is ANY religion and even those who do not follow religion. No one has anyone to blame but themselves for these things that are happening. We as an Ummah (nation, community), whether you are Muslim or Non-Muslim be more open minded and teach to all aspects of life, in order to people to embrace the true meaning of Al-Islam. Islam says to be easy with the people. How do you think so many people in the time of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) accepted Islam? Was it because he was harsh with the people? No, he was easy and he was patient. Do not blame any religion for peoples misguidance but look to the sources and find those who don’t practice the religion like the hypocrites and then deny Islam in their hearts but someone who practices it, lives and believes in it and strives to the best of their ability.

And Allah SWT knows best