Parents, Wali (Guardians) Please Be Open Minded

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Parents have a responsibility of at least meeting their children’s potential spouse. The refusal could lead to cutting off ties of kinship (which is not permissible in Islam) and the children running away together simply because you aren’t open minded about their wants and needs. Parents think they are always right in the end and what I want for my children is always best. That may be correct but at the same time, you are only looking into your wants and needs which differ from your children’s, as they are created differently.

Many times children are put into difficult situations, where it is my family or my spouse to be? Eventually, the ego within the refusal of the parents, turns into marriage happening secretly, zina (sex) where the woman ends up getting pregnant or the ties of kinship getting broken.

Parents should be open minded about meeting the individual. This is their future, as you’ have done your best to shape theirs. Not everything will go your way and they will not do everything as you have dreamed of. Islam is more than just skin colour, traditions and cultures. It is firstly, eman (faith) and good character. If that individual, spouse to be has that, allow the marriage to happen by putting your ego aside and being open minded. You have done your best to protect your best investment, which is your children but refusals after refusals and giving you an understanding will led to things that will hurt your children and hurt you.

Don’t ever allow it to lead to that point. Please, be open minded. Meet them, so your children feel as if they are important even though you made them feel that way their whole life. They want to create a future which is fitting for them, so allow them that choice as you can’t protect them their whole life. Tie your camel and leave the rest to Allah SWT.

*This article is only a follow up to another article I’ve written*

https://mshabazz33.wordpress.com/2013/04/11/can-i-marry-in-secrecy-think-reflect/

Just A Random Thought

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Our parents want us to be a reflection of them, proud, eager, almost like trophies held up in the air, pounding their chest but at the same time, many parents want us to reflect their dreams and their goals which they did not accomplish due to the way they lived their life. It is in this dream, their goals, they also want us to reflect that and in that we lose ourselves. We lose the value of our gifts, we lose our skills and abilities, while they push us to pursue theirs subconsciously. Parents of course want us to succeed but what is it we are actually succeeding in? Are we just succeeding in pursuing their goals and dreams, which they weren’t able to attain due to certain circumstances? Doctors, lawyers, dentists or whatever it may be that seems to be tied to the word “success”? What is success if that is just tied to certain careers based on other people’s perception? If the perception is all that mattered, attaining this title just to reflect or embody their goals which they dreamed of finally came true through their children, what is success to you? Has success been tied to their dreams and their goals? What about you? How do you feel about success? What is success to you? What is that you love to do or is what you love to do based on what your parents want you to do? Have you ever learned to think of what makes you happy in a career that no matter the money involved or the life involved, it will matter to you in the end? It will put a smile on your face or what your parents have influenced you into doing is really what you want to do? Have you been able to find your potential or have your skills, your God given talents and abilities lost in this transition which have been influenced through a perception of success based on their goals and dreams? Ask yourself, are you living out theirs or are you living yours? What is it that you really love to do, sit down and think about it. Ask yourself is money the only thing that matters? It is true we need money to attain a living. To feed and shelter our family or ourselves but money is never tied into permanent happiness, so if you live for the dollar, then you are not truly living for yourself and will never find what you are trying to attain because the goals never end. Ask yourself, are you doing what you love to do today or are you doing what has been taught to you, influenced through a career which is perceived as successful?

Food For Thought

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You and I are just another heartbeat. Another breath that is given another chance. Another blink of an eye to see. Why do we sit around waiting for the world to change, when we can be the influence and motivation? Why do we enjoy being a passenger in life, when we can be in the driver seat? All of us are able to create legacies of our own but we seem to be satisfied being followers instead of great leaders. We are all equipped with intelligence and brilliance but we insist or we have become reliant on others to tell us what exactly to do with our intelligence and brilliance. Have we become satisfied with mediocre? Have we allowed ourselves to become comfortable wanting to never build for ourselves? Why are we comfortable building an empire for those who have it all but never an empire for ourselves? We would rather people pave our way, instead pave our own. We would rather have a manual on life, instead of experience it itself. Humans have become so comfortable within their minds, they are afraid to expand and be unlimited potential. When faced with fear, they sit down and don’t overcome it. While all this is happening, you are dying away, Your heart has taken another beat, you’ve taken another breath and you’ve seen again. Eventually, all this will pass you by and you’ve gained nothing but empty memories and empty dreams you’ve never followed. Why settle for less when the potential in you is as vast an ocean? There is nothing better than a creator, than a leader rather than a follower. We are great, intelligent leaders, who will eventually be parents, who will have something to leave behind. Sometimes not even for our kids but for everyone else. Why would you be satisfied with your deeds, thinking they may be enough to enter you in jannah (heaven) when they may not be? Why not chase every sadaqah jariyah (good deeds that follow you after death)? We will be in need one day. This is just some food for thought. Don’t just read it but eat it, ingest it and live it to the best of your abilities because even now, you haven’t seen the best of your abilities because you are comfortable where you are, even though knowing it is not who you can become.

Children, Their Naturalness & How We Lost Ours

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When we look at kids, we see how they are not self-conscious of themselves. They don’t care how their hair looks, their nose, the size of their body or anything of that sort. They stay active through out the day, utilizing their bodies as tools or toys to toss around the living room or in the park. They are care free to what others around them are saying. Their level of self-conscious does not exist at such a high level and everything seems to revolve around “fun”, being adventurous and courageous. Eventually, the child grows and that level of self-conscious kicks in. My nose is shaped this way, my body is too skinny or too big, I need to fix or colour my hair. Their youth, courageousness, adventurous selves becomes lost along the way because they’ve developed this self-conscious thinking and the perception of others.

Everything now becomes about perception. What will others think? What will others say if I do a certain thing like this? Will I lose my friends if they think I am weird? This level of thinking never existed as children because what mattered was to please ourselves and nobody else around.

As parents, they are also a building force behind how a child perceives themselves and grows into the best version of themselves or a parent is the destruction force behind their children’s confidence and the ability to tap their own God given talents.

Is it to say, we as adults have lost our way? Lost our own naturalness because pleasing the people is more important in the long term? The short term effects makes us feel great but deep down inside, we know this not genuine and eventually, the feeling fades. We’ve become extremely self-conscious of ourselves that we don’t know at times what is like to be ourselves because we are trying to be everybody else.

The child that was adventurous and brave, becomes entrapped into a society, a way of thinking what will others think, so they close off themselves to being adventurous or brave. The child inside of us becomes caged into a cycle of life based around perception. What is beautiful and what is not? What is rich and what is poor? What fashionable and what is not? As Islam teaches, it is about piety, level of connection with Allah SWT.

If we continue to please everyone around us and never please ourselves, when will we ever become ourselves? When will we ever see the naturalness we have lost and let it escape? We’ve grown into this wild idea that if others are doing a certain thing this way, then it must be correct but as children, we always found a different way. We always invented new things to explore or create. Now, we don’t even think on that level because we have become too busy with things that matter more to others than it matters to us. We’ve surrounded ourselves, our brains to be exact in other peoples ideas or minds. Not to be selfish of course because there is no need to be selfish but the need to be constantly self-conscious in a way that all we think about is the perception of others or how we will fit in.

Parents who are reading or uncles or aunts who have nieces or nephews and parents that are expecting, groom your child into the best version of themselves by allowing them to be natural. Helping them tap their God given abilities and never let them lose their naturalness as we have. Just look at a child in any room and how the only thing matters is happiness of themselves, while we are so worried about the happiness of others and what others will think. There is nothing wrong with having a level of self-consciousness because we will be questioned about our health and our actions but concentrate on being you. It’s important to be yourself and to please yourself more than it is to constantly please other people, while we drown in misery attempting to please them. Most importantly, pleasing Allah SWT matters more than anything in the world. Be you. Don’t worry what others think. Have fun. As long as it is permissible in Islam, then do it and love it!