How To Display Love The Way The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) Did

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We read about many stories or hear stories of people and their romantic love life. At times, we even see them in them movies and many of us go “Awwwwwwww! I wish I could have that!” Knowing it is not real but the way it is displayed we become infatuated with this unrealistic display of love. Many of us don’t know that, there has been a time more than 1400 years ago, way before you and I were born there was a man by the name Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him). Many anti-Islamic, Islamophobes display him as several things he wasn’t. They love to depict him in a disrespectful, untruthful manner. What many of us don’t know is how did the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) display his love for his wives? Many of us are married and have been married for a very long time. Many of us are looking to get married and are clueless about the hadiths, stories of how the Messenger Of Allah was romantic. It is as if, it is taboo for a man to act or display romance or love the way the Messenger Of Allah did. This exterior as if being hard and not too soft is laughed at or looked down upon but little do they know, they are missing out on a Sunnah, an act which the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) did, which we will be rewarded for. I’d like to relate a few hadiths, stories I’ve gathered on how the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) displayed his love to one of his wives Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her).

Once the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) was sitting in a room with Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her) and fixing his shoes. It was very warm, and Aisha looked to his blessed forehead and noticed that there were beads of sweat on it. She became overwhelmed by the majesty of that sight and was staring at him long enough for him to notice.

He said, “What’s the matter?” She replied, “If Abu Bukair Al-Huthali, the poet, saw you, he would know that his poem was written for you.”The Prophet, peace be upon him, asked, “What did he say?” She replied, “Abu Bukair said that if you looked to the majesty of the moon, it twinkles and lights up the world for everyone to see.”So the Prophet, peace be upon him, got up, walked to Aisha, kissed her between the eyes, and said, “By God, O Aisha, you are like that to me and more.”

[This was narrated in Imam Abu Nu’aim’s “Dala’el Al-Nubuwa” with a chain of transmission (isnad) including Imam Bukhari and Imam Ibn Khuzaina.]

Another

Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her) relates the following about her husband, the Prophet (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him Upon):

I swear by Allah that I saw Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) standing at the door of my room while the Abyssinians were engaged in spear play in the mosque of Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him). He screened me with his cloak so I could watch them perform. He stood there for my sake until I decided that I had had enough. Now just imagine how much time a young girl eager for entertainment would stand there watching. [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

Another

When the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) would have a meal with Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her), they would both eat from the same plate and drink from the same cup as each other. What the Prophet (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) would do is, turn the cup where Aishas lip marks were left and would drink from that side of the cup. He would also make eye contact with her and then drink.[Sahîh al-Bukhârî ]

Another

Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her) said: That she accompanied the Prophet on a certain journey. At that time she was a mere girl and was neither fat nor bulky. The Prophet asked the people to move on, and they marched ahead. Then the Prophet said to me, “Come on, let us have a race.” ‘Aisha says that she ran and remained much ahead of him. The Prophet kept quiet for some time. Later on when Aisha grew fat and loose bodied, and she forgot the previous incident. Again she accompanied the Prophet on some journey. The Prophet again asked the people to march ahead, and they moved ahead. Then the Prophet again asked her to have a race with him. This time the prophet defeated her and she lagged behind. Now the Prophet laughed and said, “This is in reply to our previous defeat.” [Ahmad, Safwat as-Safwah]

Another

Aisha (May Allah Be Pleased With Her) would often seek reassurance from The Prophet (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) that he loved her.

“How is your love for me?” she once asked.

“Like the rope’s knot,” he replied, meaning that it was strong and secure.

Many times after that she would ask, “How is the knot?” and he would reply: “Ala haaliha” meaning “The same as ever!” [Hilya al Awliya]

So why are we ashamed or why do we prevent ourselves from expressing in a manner that has been displayed by who we are supposed to follow? This should encourage us, make us open minded and display our love to our spouses this way. Eat with them, race with them and speak to them gently. Words of sweetness and love. Being rough, speaking to your spouses in a disrespectful manner, being harsh, neglecting them is not the treatment the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) has showed us. This is who we are supposed to follow. Islam is beautiful as it shows all aspects on how to be. There are things you do which you will be rewarded for. Display your love to your spouse. Be creative. Be romantic. Be sweet. Be loving and most important of all, do it because it is what it taught in Islam. This is both for the husband and the wife. This isn’t directed to the man but women, you can do it too, don’t expect your husband to do it all the time. Now you know how the Messenger of Allah displayed his love and was romantic with Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), you can too. Insha’Allah.

Men: “I Own You!” Think & Reflect

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*Authors Note* I’ve written an article titled “Women: I am Independent.” I knew when i was writing that article, quite a few people would be offended and in awe and others would be in support of it. I think it is time, I write an article “Men: I Own You!!” So here is the article I was supposed to write a while ago but had other things to write.

To the men who think that your wives can’t live without you, that they need your support, that have to bow down to you or else you’ll threaten them with divorce or you’ll use the hadith which the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “If the woman performs the five daily prayers, fast the month of Ramadan, maintains her chastity and obeys her husband, she will enter paradise through whichever door she chooses.” [Al-Musnad] How dare you use a hadith to take advantage of your wives? The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) also said: “The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family.” [Tirmidhi] These hadiths are for you to think, reflect and understand, not there for you to take advantage of them. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) was the best to his family, example his wives. Many men come from a background where they have done absolutely nothing, while their mothers have taken care of them, cooked for them, cleaned for them, basically they’ve been spoiled or they’ve been told “this is not a job for you, this is a woman’s job.” So they’ve formed a belief, a mentality that only their wives are supposed to do these things, the house work. This is far from a culture issue and many people will say, this stems from cultures but it does not. It comes from how they are raised in a home.

Now, you’ll have a man say, “well, in Surah An-Nisa Allah SWT says, I am in the maintainer and protecter of the women, He didn’t say, I have to cook and clean!” This is where you come to the belief that you are only supposed to do as you are told and you are, masha’Allah, if you are maintaining and protecting your women but you also forget, that we as an ummah, men and women, follow also The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him). It was narrated by Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allah used to “sew his own clothes, mend his shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes.” [Al-Musnad]. So how come you’ve come under the belief that your wives are only to do all the house work and them alone? Isn’t the Messenger of Allah an example for us? Allah SWT says in Surah An-Nisa: “O, Mankind, fear your Lord, who has created you from a single soul and created from it, its mate and from them both, many men and many women and fear Allah through whom you demand your mutual rights and indeed Allah is ever watchful over you.”

But instead what you do is either abuse your wife verbally or physically or never appreciate what is done. Just because you are the maintainer and protecter of your women, your wives, this does not mean you oppress them. Allah SWT did give the men rights over their wives but He also has given rights to the wives over their husband but you often forget these things and only abuse your power for your benefit.

Allah SWT has given you a responsibility for your wife, just as her parents have given you that responsibility and trust that you will love her, take care of her and do your best to keep her happy. Imagine one day, your daughter was to marry a man, you would have the same belief in mind that he is going to love her, take care of her and do his best to keep her happy, right? But instead he didn’t. How much would it hurt you to know that your daughter was being physically and verbally abused, to only be married as a slave for him? You would be hurt to the point where you would want to hurt this man! Allah SWT didn’t create women as slaves, so why speak and order your wife as a slave? Would you allow another man to do that your daughter, of course you wouldn’t. It would anger you to watch that take place or hear about it.

As men being the maintainers, this does not give you the right to abuse your power because you may be the bread winner in the home. None of the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them all) did that. Where did the Companions learn the treatment of the women from? From the book of Allah, the Quran and the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him). Allah SWT also says in Surah An-Nisa “live with them in kindness.” So where did the harsh treatment of women come from? Where did you believe it was right for you to undermine your wife efforts in the home and to not appreciate her? Why be unjust to your wife or your wives, when Allah SWT says also in Surah An-Nisa to “deal with them justly

Men, whatever you do in your home to your wife, your daughters may marry a man who may do the same to her and whatever you do your wife, your sons may do the same to their wives. You are a role model for your children, so shape them, mould them to the way the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) and his treatment to the ummah (nation) and his wives. You will be questioned for your treatment of your wives and how you also raised and took care of your family. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Beware. every one of you is a shepherd and every one is answerable with regard to his flock. The Caliph is a shepherd over the people and shall be questioned about his subjects (as to how he conducted their affairs). A man is a guardian over the members of his family and shall be questioned about them (as to how he looked after their physical and moral well-being). A woman is a guardian over the household of her husband and his children and shall be questioned about them (as to how she managed the household and brought up the children). A slave is a guardian over the property of his master and shall be questioned about it (as to how he safeguarded his trust). Beware, every one of you is a guardian and every one of you shall be questioned with regard to his trust. [Shahih Muslim] So be careful as you will questioned for what you do and their treatment and how you’ve helped raised your kids.

May Allah protect us from these bad manners, ill treatments and guide us to the way The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) treated the ummah, his family and his wives. Ameen.

Lessons From Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her) Marriage Proposal

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Assalamwalikum (peace be upon you). Today someone had asked me “should a woman approach a man for marriage? and if yes or no, what were my thoughts in regards to this?” A lot of women have become accustomed to the traditional way of being approached for marriage, a man should be a man and out right ask her if he is interested in her. Now, if we were to think what tradition this is a lot of us would say, its been the norm since probably the beginning of time.

Lets go back into Islamic history shall we? For those that know about Islam will know that The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) was asked by Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her) for marriage. Not exactly in a direct, blunt way but she had sent Nafisa, her servant, her worker to ask The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) if he was married and if not, why not? Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her) had hired the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) as a worker and she was extremely impressed with his character and how he worked. She had trusted him with the caravan of goods going back to several places for deliveries. Eventually, she had saw a lot of good characteristics in him and had sent Nafisa to ask if he would want to marry Khadija. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) was thrown off by the approach because a woman, that is in the status of Khadija, wealthy, owned her own business, had turned down several wealthy and noble men, asking me for marriage? He was as confused as any man would be. He did accept and they got married. She is the first woman to accept Islam and one of the mothers of the believers.

Today when women see a good a man or a good practicing muslim and they are like “WOW! Masha’Allah! That is the type of man I want! He is the type of man I want that will help raise a family.” But, of course there is a but. What did you expect? That women just run up to the men and say, “Oh brother, will you marry me?” Of course not. That is the first thing you do not want to do because firstly, it will throw the man completely off. In his mind he is thinking, “who is this crazy woman, just approaching me out of the blue and asking me to marry her? What type of drugs is she on?” Then you’ll realize, “well I just got rejected and now he thinks I am crazy and I’ll NEVER get a chance anymore!” Then you will start crying, tell all your friends how horrible you feel and you’ll probably update your Facebook or Tweet about it in a discrete way, where only people you told know what happened.

Your approach is always going to be everything. When you go to a job interview, do you go to the interviewer and say “GIVE ME THE JOB! I AM QUALIFIED! GIVE ME! GIVE ME! GIVE ME! I BEG YOU! HIRE ME!” No, you don’t because this sounds extremely desperate and again, crazy! You don’t do any of that nor do you even think that way. You dress up nicely, look at yourself in the mirror, think to yourself how are you going to impress the interviewer and how are you going to convince them to hire you. You have all these scenarios in your head playing and telling you say this and smile like this and Insha’Allah (If Allah Wishes), you will get the job.

Your approach will either give you that opportunity for the job that is in place or it won’t, just as your approach to the husband to be, will either give you an opportunity for him to hear you out or not. Women expect the man to do the approaching, to do the talking, to be romantic in marriage, while she won’t possibly do any of it. Im not saying, there aren’t ANY women that aren’t romantic or approach men, I am sure there are but … yeah but means, you probably haven’t heard of any either and if you have, it is quite rare these days. Women need to think outside of the box and not fear rejection, just as men don’t need to fear rejection. In the approach of Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her) she did what she had intended to and approached the situation in a respectable manner. She had sent Nafisa out to ask questions to the Messenger Of Allah which had broken the ice. The approach wasn’t direct “Will you marry Khadija?” No, she had asked him several questions. “Why aren’t you married?” and asked him “If there was a woman who was noble, had beauty and wealth, would you be interested?” This entered his mind and he thought about it, confused at first because he didn’t have anything but he accepted. He was her employee, she knew about him and he knew about her.

If your approach is direct, blunt, more than likely, you will scare the man away. You want to spark the curiosity of the man. “Why is she interested in me? What does she want, that I have?” You want him to think about all this and make him curious, spark a bit of interest in you. “Will you marry me!” out right, will scare him but getting someone to say “you know what, I know this sister who is interested in you, her name is Salma, might want to give her a chance if you are looking to get married.” Now if the man is seriously looking to get married, he will consider her and may even ask the person who had introduced Salma about her and what her goals are, ambitions, can she cook and many other things which he wants in a woman. If the man had never seen her, he will obviously want to see if there is a sense of attraction because no man or woman, wants to marry someone whom they are not physically attracted to and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Im not saying, it will work but I am saying, there is room for rejection and you have to handle it, just as you have handled not being hired for jobs you’ve applied for or interviewed for.

You can’t sit there all your life and expect a man to approach you, while you probably stare at this man every single day or whatever it is you do, hopefully, it is not stalking him. You want to set the right tone and at least approach him through someone who may know him. This way, it opens the door of trust and it opens the door for curiosity. Some men have the belief that if a woman approaches him directly, she is desperate and he will probably reject her because he didn’t get to do it first even though she is attractive and he may have been interested in her. It’s an ego thing with men. Not all men but some. There are lessons in Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her) approach and how the comfort level between Khadija & The Messenger Of Allah was already set. Allah SWT had already planned this. If the person feels there is no comfort in what is going on, it won’t go anywhere. Remember, your approach is EVERYTHING. Break the ice through someone that knows him, get to know him in a halal way, I did say halal, so you can’t say, this brother said, I can do whatever I want. You may be rejected or you two may end up getting married but remember, you can’t sit there all your life. That man you are interested in probably doesn’t even know you are interested in him because you are too much of a scardy cat, sitting there basing all your assumptions on something you’ve never experienced.

Be like Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her), courageous, brave, comforting, strong and willing to take the first step and control the situation, instead of assuming or fearing rejection. Allah knows best what will happen. Pray ishtikhara (guidance prayer) and Insha’Allah, it’ll happen.

When Was The Last Time?

My friend and I we usually meet up every weekend and just chill, relax and get something to eat. He had told me today, yesterday was his 1 year wedding anniversary. Alhumdulilah (Thanks To Allah), how many people now-a-days get through even the first 3 months or even 6 months? Being married for a year now is an accomplishment now-a-days, so shout to my boy, you know who you are. May Allah SWT bless you and your family for years to come and more.

We had ended up discussing relationships and how when boyfriends and girlfriends are always so attached and always wanting to prove and proclaim their love for one another. The boyfriend is dressing up, looking fresh and fly for his girl and the girlfriend is dressing up, looking fresh and stunning for her man. They go beyond the limits and comfort zone just so they can prove their worth and proclaim that love is there for one another.

Every weekend or during the week they get together and go really nice places or even to the movies, just so they can spend time together. Both of them are constantly being told and complemented they are a very cute couple and they look like they are meant to be together. They go on dates, the boyfriend buys her flowers, really nice gifts and the girlfriend is doing the same thing for him, just so again, they can constantly prove their love for one another.I know some of my Muslim brothers and sisters will be reading this and say, “astugferullah brother! These types of relationships are haram!!!!” Yeah, I know DUH! Thank you stating the obvious.

I am not here condoning a relationship like this. I am only here to ask you, the reader and giving a few lessons to the to be married and the married, when was the last time, if there was a last time you actually went out of your comfort zone to prove your love the way you used to love physically or in a materialistic way, for your spouse? Everyone knows love cannot be proved in a materialistic way but even you and I know a gift from anyone close to you brings a smile to your face and makes the relationship or friendship that much closer.

When was the last time you and your spouse spent time together and went to the places you used to goto before you were married? If you’ve never been in that type of relationship, when was the last time you took your spouse out to a nice place to eat? When was the last time you and your spouse dressed nicely for one another? The wedding day does not count nor do the days after the wedding count. When was the last time you actually brought your wife home some of her favourite flowers or chocolate? When was the last time you two went out for a walk together? This doesn’t include grocery shopping because that is a must if you are married. If you cannot recall these things at anytime during your marriage or the only time you recall these moments was when you were dating each other, on the wedding day and a few days after, why did you stop now or how come you haven’t started?

Does being married mean it is the end of the show that you can’t do those types of things anymore? Why is that those that are in haram relationships are so willing to do everything for their girlfriend or boyfriend but those that are married, in a halal relationship, that have been giving the blessings, fulfilling a sunnah,  don’t even budge or consider these things anymore? Being married does not mean you cut the line that once brought you in that fish but married means, you are able to fish more efficiently.

Instead of cutting the line, why not do all the things you always wanted to do with your spouse? Why not do all the things you used to do before you were married? Your spouse I’m sure is craving that type of attention that was once there before or even your spouse hopes and dreams they are able to live outside of the make believe hollywood movie that broadcasts romance and love.

Allah SWT has given you the halal means of being married, so why not use it to your advantage? Take your spouse out once a month or twice a month or whatever your budget is able to afford. Dress up nicely, wear perfume or cologne, attar, which your spouse enjoys smelling and clothes you two like seeing each other in. Get dinner or lunch reservations, eat some great food, have a great conversation and spark inside each other a love that is untapped and waiting to be explored.

Even Abdullah Ibn Abbas (May Allah Be Pleased With Him), one of the companions of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) loved dressing up for his wife. Abdullah Ibn Abbas (May Allah Be Pleased With Him) said: “I love that I beautify myself for my wife just like I love that she beautifies herself for me.” Musannaf ibn Abi Shaybah. Im sure if Abdullah Ibn Abbas (May Allah Be Pleased With Him) was alive in our times now, he would be probably be rocking the flyest outfits just for his wife. In Islam we have examples of how to treat and respect each other. Islam explains how to make love to one another. Islam explains how to treat husband and wife but we stop trying or don’t even try because we feel safe in our marriage thinking our spouses don’t need this type of treatment. It’s not whether you think they need the treatment or not, its you should be doing it out of appreciation for one another. Im sure your spouse does a lot which is unseen and even though the love you show is there but there is so much more to marriage than just living together, eating the food your spouse makes, sleeping in the same bed and going grocery shopping.

Be alive and show and prove more than ever that your spouse means a lot to you. Go to dinner, buy gifts, go for walks, dress up nicely and do whatever is imaginable and is within halal means. Come out of your comfort zone and do something nice for once or do things which you used to do before you were married, so that match, that spark can be lit again.

What’s Love Got To Do With It

I had just finished reading an article titled “Whats Love Got To Do With It” by Abu Esa Niamatullah and he touched on a few things in that article about pre-marriage and marriage. I will post a link at the bottom. As many of you know from my writings, I seem to write a lot about marriage for some odd reason but it just seems to happen. Abu Esa had touched on quite a few things in that article which I found to be really true. So I thought, I’d just share my opinion which was influenced and inspired by that article.

What he says in the article is true. Those that marry for looks and wealth, eventually vanish. It is the same as owning a vehicle that has first come out. The ride is fly and the interior is dope. The perks that come with it are great. Heated and leather seats, GPS and all that but once you’ve spent enough time with it, there is another vehicle out there that is better than that so you part ways with that vehicle and go buy another one. The “love” for it fades and another new love grows for something else because you’ve only looked at the physical part of the car, people in general buy cars because of how it looks.

It’s the same when it comes to a spouse. After looking at her/him a million times, you say masha’Allah, you are beautiful/handsome. After spending the wealth, you say, masha’Allah, you are very wealthy but if there is nothing else that comes with them, then you’ve pretty much lost yourself, hurt yourself and hurt them because it’ll more than likely go no where else and the marriage itself will fade, just like clothes that have been washed several times.

When you do find someone as Abu Esa has said in the article, that fears Allah and has not been touched by another man, coming out of heart breaking relationships you will possibly be in good hands but this does not mean, you will not have issues or the marriage itself will be successful because Allah is the best of planners and the test that come in marriage itself, no one knows and no one knows the strength of a person either and how they will deal with things when there comes a point in that relationship pressure is put on and the pipes are about to burst.

If you want to marry someone who has a degree or has a PhD because you’ve attained one, feel free to marry that person who also has one because you want the best for yourself. Don’t just set up things where if the person who has everything about them that you like but doesn’t have a PhD don’t just turn that person down. A person with or without a degree shouldn’t be a measuring stick in marriage if that person has everything you have been looking for. As he also touched in his article, it has become the main reason men go back home to their countries marrying someone who probably does not hold a degree or is not as educated as someone in their current city. They feel this woman will not shoot him down and he can be the man on throne and can’t be challenged by someone who may be more intellectual than him and will just do as he pleases. It is a pretty close minded reason to do so to take advantage of someone who has not been given the means to educate themselves compared to people who have had it handed to them. I know parents who say, marry someone who is a door knob because she will do whatever you want and won’t challenge you. That is also close minded and thinking low of a person and also taking advantage of them, which we shouldn’t do. The less one knows, the less one will speak and just obey. Isn’t it what the media expects of us? The government as well? That’s a different topic, of course.

He also touches on married couples compromising. If you cannot compromise even a few things in marriage, you will cause so many problems for yourself in the marriage. You will cause so many issues that shouldn’t even be there. Marriage is always going to be about two people. Your parents may have given you everything and always given you your way because you’ve cried and pouted but it isn’t going to work the same here when you are married. More than likely, that person won’t take your crap eventually and then may end up leaving you or they’ll be distant from you. You’ll still live in the same house but will be distant. That relationship will start to crumble, so you must learn to compromise. Your wishes, your own desires may end up becoming secondary as your decisions will either make that person happy or will anger that person. It becomes a thinking game. It becomes what is more important and who is more important? Although one must not sacrifice their Islam nor compromise their Islam for anyone, no matter what the situation is. Put the egos, the pride aside and learn to work together. All teams that have won championships won because they have learned to work together. No team in the history of any sport has won because of just one single person. A person on the team may be the star player but it took team work, communication, practice to be a championship quality team.

Learn to also appreciate your significant other. Say a few good words whenever you feel it should be said. If your wife looks beautiful, say you look beautiful. If your husband looks handsome, say he is handsome. If you love your husband, say I love you. If you love your wife, say I love you. If you find something your wife wears and you think she looks like the moon in the sky, which is amazingly beautiful, ask her to wear it and compliment her. Same can be said about your husband. I know Mufti Menk posted a status today about women not dressing up in their homes but get dressed up to leave the house without their husbands. It’s because the husbands have not taken the time to even look at their wives and give her a compliment, so she is out getting compliments and gazes from other people. I remember in a lecture a husband had never complimented his wife cooking in 25 years and the lecturer had given a compliment about the food and the wife started crying. He had asked her, why are you crying? She said, in the 25 years I have been married, my husband has never complimented my cooking and here you are, the first day eating my food and you’ve told me it’s good. Don’t shy away from these moments because your spouse does want to feel appreciated, women more in general. They know they are loved but they want to be told they are loved. Just as Aisha (May Allah Be Pleased With Her) had to confirm that the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) had loved her. She would ask: “How is your love for me?” The Messenger Of Allah would reply, “like the rope’s knot.” Even many times after she would ask, “how is the knot?” and again, he would reply, “the same as ever!” So take the opportunity to reassure to your wife you love her even though there are many things you may do, that shows you love her. Women love to hear the words that they are loved, so say it. Women are created differently from men.

In the end, just be patient. New marriages are just like new jobs. It takes patience and it takes time for everything to fit together. You won’t get along with your new co-workers just as yet but once you make that effort to get to know them, it’ll eventually work. Same as marriage. You must constantly make that effort and always be willing to take an extra step forward to make things right., for everything to fit and not everyday will be like the first day of marriage and not everyday will be you two fighting but if you are two willing to look past the smaller issues and just really and truly work together and love each other for the Sake Of Allah, Insha’Allah, things will work.

Article: http://kalamullah.com/whats-love.html

Making The Right Choice

When it comes to healthy relationships, It all comes down to the rights given to the spouses. If you are giving your husband his rights, which has been decreed by Allah, then things will be smooth. If you give your wife her rights which has been decreed by Allah, then things will be smooth.Everyone and their momma want to be competitive and ego driven. They want to compete with their spouse and see who brings in the most money. If one of them is supposed to “fill” that role and is bringing in less money, then it becomes an issue. Is your husband fulfilling his Islamic rights to you? If yes, then you have to stop complaining. Is he doing his best? If yes, then stop complaining. Is your wife fulfilling her Islamic rights to you? If yes, then stop complaining. Is she doing her best? If yes, then stop complaining.

If you feel and need to choose to marry a person that is not a Muslim, then that it is your choice and you will have to deal with the consequences and difficulties that come with it, which is not easy. If you feel there is a lack of “intellectual, career driven” men out there, then sister there might be something on your part that you are doing wrong. Something in these men that you don’t want. You are probably being too picky or you want things done a certain way or you want to change him or you probably are just chasing and being disappointed by the same type of individuals. Maybe you need to broaden your searches and get people involved to help you find a person which may be suitable for you.

If your deen is lacking and the only thing you are worried about is finding someone who is “intellectual and career driven” then maybe you are chasing only the dunya and as the “voice in our head” says, don’t worry, you can practice Islam when you are older. You got time. I’ll only tell you, you are not promised that time. 

Your husband has his rights over you and some men do want their wife to raise their kids and if that is his thing, then that is his right over you. The men have to understand though, you can’t just oppress her with this type of mentality. Yes, what you say to your wife, she must obey and listen but it must not be oppressive and not emotionally affect her and your relationship. Maybe you need sit down with your wife and ask her what makes her happy and if wanting a career in a field which she put her tears, sleep and health into, then let her go out and at least experience it. Do your part to remind her though, as the reminder is for yourself, that Islam comes first and the kids and myself have a right over you too as she has her rights over you as well. 

In this life, you want to be single and you feel, eh, my life is less complicated without all the drama from a significant other, it doesn’t mean, the drama stops. There will be other dramas and there will be other tests. If it is not your spouse, it is someone in the family or someone in the workforce or a friend. Getting married is a sunnah and we shouldn’t have that mentality that having a partner is over-rated. It kind of says, Half Our Deen, is over-rated and what Allah and the Messenger Of Allah has prescribed is not the truth. 

We just have to remain open-minded and attempt to keep it as simple as possible. If you can find what the Messenger Of Allah has said in his hadiths. A woman is normally sought as a wife for her wealth, beauty, nobility, or religion (adherence to Islam), but choose a religious woman and you will prosper. He also said a woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser. He had also said in another hadith, the whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman. Also, when someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth. If these requirements about finding a righteous spouse are there, then we should follow that because the Messenger Of Allah was sent to us, to rectify our intentions, help us stay on the right path and correct what was incorrect for so many years, during the ignorant times and if we want to stay towards the ignorant ways, then you are free to do that. Allah has given the Children Of Adam choice. 

And Allah knows best.

When Seeking A Spouse

When seeking a spouse, you are looking for a person that is ideal for you. If a person comes along and is not ideal for you, do not go and attempt to customize them in order to fulfill that ideal image.

People are not like restaurant menu items, where you are able to customize your dish and remove things and add things that you desire. You can substitute the rice for pasta, salad with or without croutons, spicy or mild, etc.

People come as they are, with good manners or bad manners. Smokers or non-smokers, praying salaah or does not pray salaah, hijab or no hijab. You cannot customize them. That is up to them to decide and realize what is beneficial and what is not. If the person is not ideal for you, be patient because Allah knows and you do not. Leave that which makes you doubt for that which does not make you doubt.

Learn To Appreciate Your Significant Other

Learn to appreciate your significant other. They don’t HAVE to do anything for you but they do things for you because they appreciate you and you complaining and ordering your significant other around, will not make your significant other do those things for you. They will fight you back just as you order your them around. A simple please and thank you will go along way. If you want something done, learn to compromise.

You may want to eat a specific dish today but your significant other is tired or simply does not want to make it or dislikes it. Instead of being angry and ordering them around, compromise in this situation and say, how about sometime this week you make such and such or if you want them to wear an outfit you like say, because I think it looks really nice on you and it compliments your personality or your character as a person, it makes you and I look together as one.

Being able to correctly word your thoughts goes a long way. It either escalates a situation into being something you didn’t want it to be or it makes a situation easy to come together and complete.

Don’t Compare Your Marriage

Don’t compare your marriage to another persons marriage. That person may display their love differently compared to you and your spouse and somethings your spouse may do better than another persons spouse and another person may want that but you don’t appreciate that. What you already have is already better than what you had. Don’t go messing things up because of what you don’t have but be happy with you have.

It’s different if your spouse is not displaying love to you at all, then you speak to them but if you already have something good, don’t go asking for more and more and more because another person has it. Your spouse may love you more physically while another persons spouse loves them emotionally or affectionately or is more compassionate, etc. You are not going to get the total package because some may only display what they are taught or what they feel they should be doing.

Communication breaks all barriers so if you are looking to express yourself and you don’t know how, communicate in forms which is comfortable to you. Communication doesn’t have to be verbally. If you are good at writing, then write a letter. If you are a romantic type, set something up for your spouse which they’ll enjoy. People have a major misconception of how love should be displayed and then they compare to others. Just be comfortable in your skin and love your spouse to the best of your ability but if you are not doing your part, then best believe, you are creating a sink hole in your marriage and the longer you neglect your spouse, the sink hole becomes wider and deeper.

Can I Marry In Secrecy? Think & Reflect

Dear reader:

I’d like to ask you. If your parents had married you off in secrecy because they had loved someone of character that they thought was fit for you, would you not be upset? Would you not feel that your parents don’t love you? Would you not feel betrayed that your parents had done such a thing without even considering your feelings? Would you not feel like your parents just had given you away without even thinking about how you felt? Without even asking you, would you like to marry this person?

Put yourself in their situation now. If you had married in secrecy, behind their back. How would they feel? Your parents who have raised you from an infant to being almost an adult now. They took care of you. They kept you in a safe environment. Allowed you to goto school, paid for your expenses. Even if you committed sins or upset them, they still showed love and compassion to you. They still took care of you everyday. When you were baby, who came to your aid while you were crying? Who came to your aid when you were hungry? Who came to your aid when you needed your diaper changed? Who came to your aid when you got hurt? Who came to your aid when you needed to goto the hospital? Who came to your aid when you complained about being hungry? Did your parents not provide enough for you, to at least give them respect in terms of letting them know you want to get married to this individual? Have they not done enough for you?

I advise you, to please consider your parents feelings. A person will come into your life and then go but your parents are one of a kind. There are only two of them. Another two will not come along and love you the same way your parents have loved you for all these years. A person will come along even after this one leaves. Another person will come into your life and love you even more than this person will but your parents are always going to be one of a kind. Do not ruin the relationship with your parents because you feel you are in love and must marry this person. Your parents have considered you and loved you for all these years, so please consider their feelings as well.

Think really carefully about this as your actions may or may not anger your parents but seek the guidance and the help of Allah through the prayer of Salatul Ishtikhara. As it will make your life more easier. The decree of Allah has been pre-ordained 50,000 years before we were even created. If this person is to be your spouse, it is already written and if they are not, it is already written. Allah knows best and what is most fitting for us.