If you are single, stop rushing to get married because your lust, desires and social pressure is getting the best of you, then you end up getting divorced within a few years. You have all this time on your hands, so improve your character, improve your communication skills, improve your eman (faith), and continuously look for ways to learn about Islam. Continuously educate yourself about whatever it may be that will benefit everyone around you.
Don’t just concentrate on finding that right woman or man, when all this time you could be concentrating on being the right woman or man. Don’t have an ego think that you don’t need to improve because the truth is, everyone needs to improve. Allah knows whom that right woman or man will be and when that person comes into your life, you will be responsible, understanding, educated about what not only marriage is about but how to be as a person, a Muslim and doing the best you can. You have all this time, so use it to your advantage.
Invest in yourself to be a better person. A person that will be appreciated by someone who values your character, personality and looks. Most important of all be patient. Don’t go and chase every man or woman who you think is religiously dedicated or financially stable. Not everyone who is religiously dedicated lives a balanced lifestyle, takes the middle path or actually lives according to their words and what they know about the Quran & The Sunnah. Everything is through actions. And Not everyone who is financially stable will be as supportive with their money, instead they’ll be stingy and selfish. Be smart with your choices and be smart with whom you give your heart to because they’ll either cherish you or break you.
If you can capture someone with your personality why the need to show off your physical beauty? Is it the confidence that you lack, that you would rather live off of compliments or is your character not enough, that you have to prove to others that your physical beauty should be more than enough? Is it respect you look for or do compliments hold more weight than respect? Well, if it is respect you‘re looking for, why does it have to be earned through showing off your physical beauty? Now, if it is compliments you’re looking for, again why does it have to inflate your self worth, if you know what you are worth? Compliments about your physical beauty, hold as little weight as possible because everyone is just seeing the external. While respect is earned through your character, that is the internal part of you. When someone is able to accept the internal part of you, the external will automatically come.
As long as you feel your external is worth more than your internal, you will be constantly attracting the wrong type of individuals in your life who look and feel only your external. While your internal is as beautiful and powerful as your external, only for it to be forgotten because your external is held at such a high place in their eyes, they would rather forget what you really are in the internal.
Only you can change the view of others by seeking inside yourself, knowing your self worth. When you do realize, it’s not only about the external image but it’s the internal that lasts you a life time and evolves as you evolve but your external image fades as you age.
Can Women & Men Be Friends? I will list 5 reasons below why women and men cannot be friends. In my belief, I don’t think a man and woman can EVER be friends. You see how EVER is in capitals? You must be crazy, especially if you are a man or woman, thinking “well, she/he is just my friend.” Eh, WRONG lol! Now, why have I come to accept this belief? Well there are several reasons why.
This is a simple one and I’m sure everyone knows this and if you don’t, then you haven’t been paying much attention to your interactions with the opposite sex, that is if you do. Im sure, we all have had interactions with the opposite sex on many occasions. If you are going to nod your head and say, “no, no, no, no, not me.”
If you are a man or woman and you have friends of the opposite sex, there is a very, very, very high chance that one of them likes you. It doesn’t matter whether they want to tell you or not or they are in a relationship, there is something about YOU that they like. It could be your personality, how you two have great chemistry and get along with each other, you are very attractive. All this is in their mind but you don’t know.
Often at times when Reason #1 comes into play and they’ve admitted to you and you wonder, well…. what do I do now? Do I tell them I like them too? Do I not say anything? Do I keep my mouth shut? Do I say, we are just friends? Most people know the song by an artist which takes me back to my rap days… “OH BABBBY YOOOOU!! YOU GOT WHAT I NEEEEED! BUT YOU SAY IM JUST A FRIEND! BUT YOU SAY IM JUST A FRIEND!!” Yeah, that’s right, she/he says you are just a friend. You really like the person for who they are. You’ve heard about their past experiences with the opposite sex and how they’ve been hurt and you just want to give best of you to this person but you are just a friend. No matter how nice of a person you are, no matter how much attention you get from this person, you are JUST A FRIEND.
You are just a shoulder for that person worries, woes, and filling in a boring, gap in their life. After that, GOODBYE TO YOU!!!!! Yes, you are being used by the opposite sex because you are an absolute PERFECT shoulder, that anytime anything happens you get the call as if you are Batman/Wonder Woman ready to rescue them from their woes, worries and boring life. They may even be in a relationship but you are the one that listens to their problems. You give the advice and everything but when it is time for you… it’s “Oh, I’ve been busy” or “I am busy.” If you want to continue being that shoulder for that person, then you are more than welcome to. Oh yeah, you are like that welcome mat on people’s front door step, everyone gets to step on it whenever they want to come in and leave. Do not become that individual. Stand your ground and say “LEAVE ME ALONE!” Be blunt!
After giving you Reasons 1-3, which seem negative, well there is more negativity to come. Let’s say, Reasons 1-3 are working great, you two are happily in “love” and ready to get married. Due to the decree of Allah SWT, is not happening. No matter how much you try convincing the parents, the cultural barriers aren’t an issue, it just isn’t happening. You’ve done ishtikhara and things are just falling apart. What happens now? You are heart broken and can’t move on with your life. Depression kicks in, more worries, you can’t accept the decree of Allah SWT.
Don’t become friends with the opposite sex. Either you are in it for a gain and benefit or the other person is. One person wants something, the other doesn’t. You want to further the progression in the friendship, get married, live a great life, the other doesn’t. NO MATTER WHAT, feelings are always going to get attached. Denial, denial, denial only because they fear of being rejected by the person they like and want. So stay away from the opposite sex to guard yourself from falling for them and then getting heart broken or used. You may say, this does not happen then you haven’t seen nothing yet or it is just hard for you to believe. Trust me, it does happen and it will happen as long as you are friends with someone who is attractive with a great personality or even a crappy, a-hole personality. You are ugly, she is beautiful. You are beautiful, he is ugly. You are attracted to her, she isn’t attracted to you and vice versa. If she doesn’t want you move on and stop being such a sucka. There will be someone for you, just not her or him. Don’t get used. Be smart and steer clear of the signs they give, especially if you aren’t interested. No point in playing them and affecting them, which will turn out bad for them. Do to others what you want done for yourself.
And if you are Muslim, you already know what it is. Non-mahram. If you aren’t serious about each other, cut the line playa!!!
Whenever I get a chance to browse the wordpress categories, I usually look under two. Islam and Muslim. It seems like the majority of topics written in these two categories seem to be women. Where are the men??? It seems like the women are more likely to take a step forward in tackling issues and speaking about issues within the Muslim community, about themselves and their experiences and spreading knowledge to the best of their ability which is great, especially when they do have kids, since the mother will be the madresa (school). Now where are the men? I do see a few minority of men, I guess along with myself and a few others writing about Islam and a few other issues but the majority are the women, masha’Allah! There is nothing wrong with that but the men have to step their game up or put their game down. Don’t get me wrong, I love video games, I’d trade my wife when I do get married and she annoys me for a video game but where are the men??? Are the women more interested in the deen (religion), coming closer to the deen and strengthening their eman (faith) compared to the men? I could be wrong or dead wrong. Wherever you men are, step your game up and to the women who are doing their best, continue to do what you are doing and I always say, make sure what you are spreading is correct. Just do your best …
Allah knows best
“I don’t think love exists on earth anymore. there is more bad than good from love and love IS evil most of time”
Your perception of love may have come from your falling out with people whom you thought you were in love with and vice versa. For you to say, love is evil, may also come from the lack of trust you may have for another in order to come to a thought like that. Love should not be defined from bad experiences because that’s all you’ll receive and look for is bad experiences. In order to love, fully, whole heartily, you must not look at every situation as the past situations because they are your past. You must learn and adapt from those experiences, in order for you to become a better overall person and for you to love with the intent of loving for the sake of Allah SWT. Allah SWT has divided mercy into 100 parts and kept 99 for himself and sent one part down to Earth. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Allah divided mercy into one-hundred parts and He kept its ninty-nine parts with Him and sent down its one part on the earth, and because of that, its one single part, His creations are Merciful to each other, so that even the mare lifts up its hoofs away from its baby animal, lest it should trample on it.” [Sahih Bukhari] So love comes from the mercy He has given us. Genuine love may be hard to find because some individuals talk about it, rather than be about it. We as Muslims must be honest with our feelings and be truthful about them. As the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “None of you will believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself.” [Bukhari & Muslim] If we look at that hadith, it says to us, what you would like to be done to you, do to others as well. So treat others in a manner that would not hurt you or against your morals or beliefs. So do not define now, as you would define 2 years ago or 5 years because people grow in wisdom and eventually mature. As Muhammad Ali said. “The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” So continue to grow everyday, be mature, be open minded, continue to learn and move on from your past.