Food For Thought III

20130508

Think good of yourself and receive your trials in life as a blessing and take things you are turned away from as blessings. Be confident in yourself because no one else can be confident for you. For there are many things about yourself that others love, that you hate but they wish and pray they could have. You are an unlimited potential that limits yourself from the confine of your mind, being trapped and afraid of how the world will react to your intelligence, to the skills and abilities Allah SWT has blessed you with. The ugliness inside of you needs work more than the ugliness on your face because it will disappear in a few years but the ugliness inside of you, on your heart will remain for decades or however long you live, which will ruin the person you are.

No heart turns cold or bitter unless you want it to. Your experiences are nothing but lessons to enable you to grasp the reality of this world and what you are really here for. You strive for this world but Allah says: “This world is nothing but play an amusement.” And there after in the same verse, Allah SWT says: “But far better is the house in the hereafter.” [6:32] Your success will begin with your salah and the hardest things to achieve always give the most joy, so begin with Fajr salah and bring ease to your day.

Your capabilities are boundless but you must remain attached to the success bringer and only is He who can give you success. Never be arrogant with what you have nor feel superior to anybody, as what you may be given as a blessing, may turn into a trial due to how you handle it and show others. Your skin is just a colour, a pigment to the eye, just as your face but that is never telling of the person you are, so be good to others no matter the treatment they put you through.

Never chase anybody in this life because those who are meant to stay, will stay regardless of your downfalls and struggles but those who are meant to leave, will leave because they were never meant to be the piece to complete your life’s puzzle. Be as you say you are and do as you say, do your best to keep your word, so you remain a trustworthy individual. Say the truth even if it is against yourself and against those closest to you, as this is what Muslim is supposed to do.

Don’t wish ill for nobody because wishing ill for others will bring ill to your heart and blacken it. Pray for others, wish them good, just as you have been given good. Don’t take advantage of the vulnerable but give them guidance to show them the way. Don’t say nothing about others they don’t like because your good deeds will be needed on the day it matters the most.

Your time is your most valuable asset, so spend it well and only give to those who will receive and treat it well. Love those who show you endless love and do your best to give it equally, as they show you how valuable you are to them. Life is full of worries and stress but one sujood makes it all better, so keep your salah close and tears for the one who can give you an end to your hardships.

Smile as often as possible because each day you wake up is a blessing others have not received. Eat well, treat your body right and see it give you your rights. In the end, you only have one life and 24/hours, do not waste it worrying and complaining cause you have so much to give and live for. Spend it well, goto towards success (salah) and see your life become easier as you are leaving everything to the one who has given you everything.

Advertisements

Life Lessons I’ve Learned Thus Far

learn-and-never-quit

 

Life lessons I’ve learned thus far:

Always look to learn from any avenues available. Education does not mean you have to be in an institution to be educated. Education is available every where and only a few clicks away.

Your body is an investment. A long term investment. What you decide to invest into it, is what you’ll get in return. Invest into the right things and your body will flourish and give back to you. Invest the wrong things into your body and your body will diminish over time, leaving you hurt and broken.

Never hold onto the past, as it does not define you, it only creates who you are today. Everything that has happened was a learning experience, so learn well from it and let it go. Close the book on it and write a new page in your life.

Don’t let your ego get in the way. Be the smaller person when you have to be and allow the individual to fuel their ego that will forever blind them. Sorry and forgiveness will take you a long way, while those who refuse to do so, will never grow and learn.

Love is never equal and we cannot love each other equally. Someone loves you more than you love them but this does not mean, you love them less, you just love them differently.

Be around positive people as this will fuel you to accomplish your goals, as they are doing the same. Minimize your surroundings with negative people and those who always complain. They will drain the life out of you and put you in a sad mood.

Always give things a try before you refuse. Who knows what you are missing out on and what you’ll learn.

Be generous, be kind, be loving, be happy, be free but don’t be a doormat, learn to say NO!

You are just as capable as every other person in the world, the difference is, they continued to strive and never gave up, while you did. Never give up, keep going, you don’t know how close you are.

Your personality, intelligence and character are more valuable than your looks. Work on those and you’ll be beautiful/handsome your whole life.

And lastly, know everything is the decree of Allah SWT. Learn to tie your camel and leave the rest to Him. Meaning, whatever it is you do in life, give an effort and leave the rest to Allah. As long as you put an effort into what you want and need, insha’Allah you’ll get. Don’t sit there hoping and wishing it happens if you never did anything. Even plants need water to grow.

There is obviously more but this is what my brain can process at this moment. Enjoy your weekend everybody, thank you for reading and supporting my blog.

Just A Random Thought

critical-thinking

Our parents want us to be a reflection of them, proud, eager, almost like trophies held up in the air, pounding their chest but at the same time, many parents want us to reflect their dreams and their goals which they did not accomplish due to the way they lived their life. It is in this dream, their goals, they also want us to reflect that and in that we lose ourselves. We lose the value of our gifts, we lose our skills and abilities, while they push us to pursue theirs subconsciously. Parents of course want us to succeed but what is it we are actually succeeding in? Are we just succeeding in pursuing their goals and dreams, which they weren’t able to attain due to certain circumstances? Doctors, lawyers, dentists or whatever it may be that seems to be tied to the word “success”? What is success if that is just tied to certain careers based on other people’s perception? If the perception is all that mattered, attaining this title just to reflect or embody their goals which they dreamed of finally came true through their children, what is success to you? Has success been tied to their dreams and their goals? What about you? How do you feel about success? What is success to you? What is that you love to do or is what you love to do based on what your parents want you to do? Have you ever learned to think of what makes you happy in a career that no matter the money involved or the life involved, it will matter to you in the end? It will put a smile on your face or what your parents have influenced you into doing is really what you want to do? Have you been able to find your potential or have your skills, your God given talents and abilities lost in this transition which have been influenced through a perception of success based on their goals and dreams? Ask yourself, are you living out theirs or are you living yours? What is it that you really love to do, sit down and think about it. Ask yourself is money the only thing that matters? It is true we need money to attain a living. To feed and shelter our family or ourselves but money is never tied into permanent happiness, so if you live for the dollar, then you are not truly living for yourself and will never find what you are trying to attain because the goals never end. Ask yourself, are you doing what you love to do today or are you doing what has been taught to you, influenced through a career which is perceived as successful?

What Is Love

a429b11d350127e82023ffc9fbdfd0ec

 

Love is about appreciation, patience, care, compromise, sacrifice, understanding, support, positivity, affection, team work.

Love is not about oppression, discouragement, negativity, anger, slavery, physical abuse.

Love is about sweetness in words, actions, a look in the eyes, a kiss, a hug, embracing one another.

Love is not about adultery, cheating, lying or stealing.

So why is it so hard to love one another, when it all so easy? We are all out chasing those who don’t love us but those who love us, don’t get our time and when we lose their time and patience, we hope to have it back. Love whomever you want to love but love them with sincerity and trust. Love them unconditionally. Love them as if tomorrow will never come and make amends to arguments and fights, as those are destructive and making amends heals. Do not delay being affectionate to one another, showing each other “I love you.” Each individual has put in time and effort, hoping to never lose you and understand that time is valuable and could be spent else where. Learn to appreciate them before tomorrow never comes or they want to leave and never want to come back. Show yourself, prove yourself, never be hidden in a glass bottle hoping to escape for air, as that air keeps you tight in your lungs and leaves a tightness in your chest. Be open with who you are and be free from criticism because those who love you will never criticize you for who you are but will rather accept you and help you improve. Love is so vast it is as vast as the ocean deep with beautiful creatures each uniquely created. As beautiful as the coral reef with it’s vivid colours just flowing freely in the waters. Love is so much more than we know but we grow to hate it because our experiences in life make us bitter, as if we tasted the end of it. Love will never end but it ends when you think it’ll end. Everything about love is mental and actions. If you think it, it’ll become it and you can do it, so think positively about love as Allah did put love and mercy between our hearts. Don’t give it away cheaply or freely but give it to those who deserve it because not everyone who comes into our lives are deserving but each individual deserves a chance to prove themselves to you. This also doesn’t mean, each individual deserves your time and if you are not feeling it, then it’s best not to mess with their love which is truly genuine as it will create an experience which will lead to bitter beginnings, as this may not be an ending for them. We all are created to give love and have love but not to be taken advantage of the love given. Be intelligent and never wear your heart on your sleeve. Wearing it on your sleeve is like holding meat in front of a pack of lions and everyone will want a bite of it, while you receive nothing but scars. Love can be taken past mountains and past the stars but the question is, do you want that? How much do you want to prove your love to someone but you never did because you were scared of commitment or scared you’ll never get it back? You can be scared all your life but if you don’t choose to experience life itself, you’ll never know what love and life feels like. And heartbreaks aren’t easy and they never will be, they come with love but those who cherish you, will never intend to break your heart but rather heal it from the form it was left in by those who never appreciated you. Love is not evil and never has been. We have just been in situations that have given a misconception of love and how it should feel. Love should never be defined by those who ruined it and love should always be defined by those who are genuine enough to show it and live it. Each tale of our lives, defines what love should be and what it will be. Love is about better beginnings, never about bitter endings because after the bitterness wears off, we always look for something sweet to repair it. Love with every part of you and never give half of yourself but give yourself fully. Commit, appreciate, show what you mean and be who you are. Love is going to be tears and love is going to be sleepless nights but a love that is meaningful wipes aways those tears and helps you sleep at night. Love can be explained in many different ways but to me, this is what love is and probably more.

How To Love According To Malik Shabazz

show_me_your_love_by_oo_rein_oo-d2zk540

1. Love will never be equal. You and your spouse cannot love each other equally no matter how much you try. One will always love another more than the other. This does not mean, they love you less but it means, we all love each other different and show it differently. When attempting to love each other equally or always trying to show the same type of affection, we will feel uncomfortable because we are trying to match them for what they are giving. You should never do that. Love from the inside and what you feel is right. There is never a wrong way to love someone but there is not loving at all and this is wrong. You cannot be given love but not return it, as this will create doubt, create separation and create friction. You should love to the BEST of your ability and nothing but that. When looking for equality, especially when seeking love, it does not exist. I will love my spouse to be differently and my spouse to be will love me differently. She will show me love differently, in manners, different actions, different words and I will do the same. Keep the love strong and keep it pure. Never be ashamed to show it. Always express it.

2. Expression and actions are more important than words. When wanting to show someone love, we cannot only talk about it because speech needs to be followed by the action, in order for those actions to be fulfilled. Expression is important as this will progress your relationship in many ways. It will strengthen the love between the two of you and your relationship will grow. If your expression is limited and your words are piling up, this will also cause doubt in the person hearing those words and the person being with you. There is nothing wrong with being expressive. It will not make you less manly and it will not make you weak. Your spouse is of importance to you, not your friends. No matter what they say because of the way you are expressing yourself towards your spouse, you shouldn’t stop. Be expressive in more ways than one and be expressive through your actions as well. Your words are secondary but also important as well but not as important as your actions. The words, thank you, I love you, I appreciate you, kind words that will put your spouse heart at ease when trying to please you will further the relationship and will not make your spouse doubt themselves when doing things for you.

3. Learn to compromise. It is important to compromise with each other when things seem to be turning into arguments over who gets what and who doesn’t. The rights Allah SWT had ordained for the two of you must be respected and not be abused. Sometimes, it is difficult to love each other the way we want to when power is abused and everything the other wants, always gets. It is not correct to want your rights 100% of the time because we are created weak by nature. You are not spouses authority or as if you are a dictator or a boss. It is okay to let things go and it is okay to not always have your way. Learning to compromise will make things easy and make arguments less likely to happen. Arguments are going to happen regardless but it’ll be less likely. A lot of times arguments happen when one person wants something and the other does not give in or agree. This is the moment where you have to sit down, calm each other down and compromise in the situation. One thing though cannot be compromised is Islamic rights and Islamic obligations. Anything else, can be compromised and should be at times. If what you want cannot be agreed upon on that day, perhaps another day or sometime down the line but do not lie just to end the argument. Learn to keep your word. Compromising in a kind manner will not ruffle anyones feathers. You may want your spouse to do something but they do not want to. Maybe your spouse would like to eat something or go some where but they are tired and you pouting or putting up a fit will not make things work. Compromise in this situation, understand each other and agree to a certain day or another time within the week or month, so both of you are happy. This is one of the main ingredients to a healthy and loving relationship.

4. Go on dates, dress nice, look nice and smell nice. Why does it seem the woman is more likely to dress in the latest fashion or dress beautifully but the man seems to dress in what seems to be most comfortable? It is as if the man is not into looking his best and his wife should just accept him as he is, dressed as if he just came from work or from the gym, unclean and doesn’t smell too good. It is important to dress well and smell nice as this sets the tempo for a lot of things within the relationship. If you’ve ever dated or seen people who date, you see those couples are always dressed to impress, they smell nice, haircut is nice and everything looks good but when they are married, the belly sticks out, one of them is over weight and just dressed as if, the clothes were put together with their eyes closed. They stop going on dates and sometimes just sit at home, pretending they don’t exist and it is not important to be attractive for each other. Be attractive for another and go on dates. Do not stop dating, if you’ve dated. Weekly, bi-weekly, monthly or whatever your budget can afford, go some where nice. It doesn’t even have to involve money, just alone time, so it’s a special moment for the two of you. Sometimes, it can be as simple as laying on the couch and being together. Buy the best smelling cologne or perfume and get the input of your spouse as this will be used to attract your spouse and no one else. Also get input on what should be worn as well. Ladies do know a lot about putting clothes together compared to men, so men, get your wife input on what should be worn. You want to be attractive for her and she wants to be attracted to you, no one else. You want to smell nice for her and she wants to smell nice for you.

5. Be considerate and understanding. Your spouse and you have different interests and hobbies. They cannot be around you all the time and you continuously setting time limits on them, while they are some where with people you know and trust is not right at all. This does not mean, you come home late or whenever you want but the spouse needs to understand, interests and hobbies have been there before you two got married. Sometimes separation and having a refreshed mind while you are away from the spouse will make you miss each other. Be considerate in their interests and hobbies, as this may make them relax, while they are having a stressful day. It’s important to be understanding of these things. Your spouse is not your property and does not need to be around you 24/7 working away for you, cleaning for you, cooking for you. They have apart of their life, which they want to enjoy without you as well. It is fine getting away from one another, having your own space, doing your own thing but this does not mean, you go out and cheat on your spouse while taking advantage of the freedom you are given. Your spouse has shown a lot of trust within the relationship and trusts to be with you for the rest of their life, just as the parents do as well. If your spouse decides to want some space, give them that space. Let them blow steam off or whatever is on their mind and let them come back refreshed. After they come back is when you offer your comfort and love, so they know you care about them, despite them having their own space and feeling better.

6. If you have to use a megaphone to speak, then speak and communicate. It is very hurtful to a relationship where a spouse keeps what they have on their mind trapped in a bottle because you’ve chosen to get angry or react as if you’ve heard the worst thing in the world. You and your spouse are probably best friends by now, if not, insha’Allah later on. When your spouse is afraid to speak to you about the problems they are dealing with, you are closing the doors on their behalf and opening the doors for others to come in and listen to their problems, which may lead to them cheating on you. As a spouse who has taken the trust of the parents, it is extremely, extremely, important to be open minded and listen to each other. You may not be a problem solver but you listening to the problems which bother them, will help lessen the burden, relieve stress and make the relationship grow stronger. You may not be someone who is a listener but it is important to listen to what your spouse has to say. Take some time out of your day and ask, “how was your day?” They may talk for 5 minutes and your head might want to explode but just smile. This is extremely important for the men because the women love to talk. When your spouse is having a tough time and you see them struggling to say what is on their mind, as a man, you go over to your spouse, put your arm around her ask her, what is wrong? If she says nothing, be playful with her, as this will cheer her up and eventually, later on in the day, she may want to speak to you about it. If you are soft with your spouse, your spouse will have an easy time communicating with you because the doors are wide open, you welcome conversations and you allow problems to be discussed without lighting up like a fire and burning everything in sight.

7. Spend time with each other, not on your phones, with friends or video games. Spending time with each other is another important aspect of couples having longer lasting relationships. It helps keep communication open and it strengthens the relationship. If you are the type of person who ignores their spouse, while spending the entire day on social networks, playing video games or always out with friends, once again, you are opening the doors for infidelity. Your spouse wants to be loved, cared for, listened to. They want your attention and they want to share their love with you. If you are sharing all your love with your friends, video games and social networks, when are you going to be able to have time for the one you promised to give your life to? It is important and I do use the word important a lot but it is important to spend as much as time as possible with each other. Listening to each other. Speaking to each other. Being playful. Enjoining in activities together. Playing sports with each other. There is nothing wrong with spending time at home but once again, if you are in one corner of the room and she is in the other, this isn’t spending time with each other, this is spending time alone. Go out with each other and spend a day together. Shower each other with your love. Be romantic, say sweet things to each other, even if it may sound corny. Also pray salah together, read the Quran and listen to each others recitation. Increase your knowledge about Islam. Your time is valuable and what is a better way to spend your time on someone you value, such as your spouse and grow this love together, which insha’Allah, lasts forever.

8. Finally, number 8 will be the final one for the first part in this series on “How To Love.” Be with your spouse as if tomorrow is not promised. Learn to forgive each other and always reconcile over petty arguments which do nothing but tare your relationship apart. Forgiving is important and if you cannot forgive each other and over look each others short comings, what are you counting in the relationship? All the times they messed up or all the times they’ve appreciated you, loved you and cared for you? We are human and we are going to make mistakes. We are going to be late at times. We are going to forget what we said and we are going to do many things that may upset one another but learn to over look things within the marriage. If you cannot forgive your spouse, you will carry this relationship, this marriage as if, it is the heaviest thing in the world and you will constantly remind yourself of what they have done. This is not a way to have a relationship and it is definitely not a way to love each other. Love each other with a clean and big heart because we all have one. Being able to reconcile after serious arguments or serious mistakes may make the relationship stronger and allow your spouse to appreciate you more. This does not mean, you continuously look to take advantage of your spouses kindness, forgiving ways and do things which will destroy the relationship and destroy their trust. If there is no trust, there is probably no relationship and it is very hard to earn back. It may take years. Do your best to value each other and forgive one another, if you would like this relationship to workout. Most importantly, love each other always for the sake of Allah SWT.

There is plenty more but I thought I’d write this down before my mind floats away into another part of space. Until part 2, insha’Allah. Hope you enjoyed what is written here and it helps you with your marriage or when you are married. If you enjoyed it, share it with others, so they can benefit. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. You can email me at mshabazz33@gmail.com

(All content is copyright (©Malik Shabazz.) unless otherwise stated. All rights related to intellectual property ownership and rights remain with Malik Shabazz. Material cannot be copied or reproduced in any form without prior written consent.)

Young Women Looking For Love

looking-for-love-2

Young women, do not jump the gun wanting to marry men whom have just entered your life. This life is a long road and men will enter your lives and leave as fast as water drips from a tap. Grow into yourselves and love yourself before you think you are ready to love others. Relationship pains aren’t easy and the psychological impact will leave you confused and leaving good men hurt because your past is a wreck and you expect these men to fix them for you hoping they’ll make you forget.

Protect yourself as much as possible and only marry men whom you would only allow your daughters to marry. Do not put yourself in shoes that are too heavy to carry so you fall flat on your face. Meaning, if the guy is living a street life, you would more than likely not want your daughter to marry a man of that life, would you? Because your seeds protection is important and how she will be taken care of. No parent wants to worry of their daughter being in harms way because a man has taken a life to live that involves putting the entire family at risk.

Be not a person who just only thinks of the present but a be person who thinks presently in the shoes of others and what they have to deal with and what you may end up dealing with. Not everyone situation is the same but history does indeed repeat itself, it also doesn’t mean people can’t change but be careful with how you want your future to be. Indeed, everything is the decree of Allah SWT but we have been created to also makes choices, so make wise ones not ones you where you would regret years down the line.

Allah SWT has given you women responsibilities, just as he has given men. Read Surah An-Nisa (the women). Protect yourself. Don’t give yourself up so easy. In due time, things will fall into its right place but for now, concentrate on being an overall better person that is loving yourself and what Allah SWT has blessed you with.

Do What You Love & Ask

do what you love

 

Do what you love and do it everyday of your life. Do it with a smile on your face and never be discouraged by those who see value in materialism rather than their happiness and sanity. Never sacrifice your life for the dollar as you and many others are already being sacrificed for it, look at the world, we are worthless. Become worthwhile to others by inspiring and encouraging a better lifestyle which can not be bought but is taught by learning the value of ourselves. If you knew what you are really worth to others, you would not need to buy friends or luxury but your love, comfort, jokes are more than enough. Don’t ever look to fit in. Stand out amongst the crowd. You are unique. Allah SWT created us with unique gifts and abilities but you want to be a clone. Don’t settle for that but be better than that. Who cares how others perceive you when you stand alone as you will be standing alone in front your creator one day too. Live to do good but don’t brag or bring it up, your rewards are with Allah SWT. Who cares if they don’t notice or appreciate. Do what you can and move on. Smile often and smile proudly but not in an arrogant manner. Take your time in sujood (prostration) and ask and you will receive, InshaAllah

 

How To Display Love The Way The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) Did

islam-romance

We read about many stories or hear stories of people and their romantic love life. At times, we even see them in them movies and many of us go “Awwwwwwww! I wish I could have that!” Knowing it is not real but the way it is displayed we become infatuated with this unrealistic display of love. Many of us don’t know that, there has been a time more than 1400 years ago, way before you and I were born there was a man by the name Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him). Many anti-Islamic, Islamophobes display him as several things he wasn’t. They love to depict him in a disrespectful, untruthful manner. What many of us don’t know is how did the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) display his love for his wives? Many of us are married and have been married for a very long time. Many of us are looking to get married and are clueless about the hadiths, stories of how the Messenger Of Allah was romantic. It is as if, it is taboo for a man to act or display romance or love the way the Messenger Of Allah did. This exterior as if being hard and not too soft is laughed at or looked down upon but little do they know, they are missing out on a Sunnah, an act which the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) did, which we will be rewarded for. I’d like to relate a few hadiths, stories I’ve gathered on how the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) displayed his love to one of his wives Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her).

Once the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) was sitting in a room with Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her) and fixing his shoes. It was very warm, and Aisha looked to his blessed forehead and noticed that there were beads of sweat on it. She became overwhelmed by the majesty of that sight and was staring at him long enough for him to notice.

He said, “What’s the matter?” She replied, “If Abu Bukair Al-Huthali, the poet, saw you, he would know that his poem was written for you.”The Prophet, peace be upon him, asked, “What did he say?” She replied, “Abu Bukair said that if you looked to the majesty of the moon, it twinkles and lights up the world for everyone to see.”So the Prophet, peace be upon him, got up, walked to Aisha, kissed her between the eyes, and said, “By God, O Aisha, you are like that to me and more.”

[This was narrated in Imam Abu Nu’aim’s “Dala’el Al-Nubuwa” with a chain of transmission (isnad) including Imam Bukhari and Imam Ibn Khuzaina.]

Another

Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her) relates the following about her husband, the Prophet (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him Upon):

I swear by Allah that I saw Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) standing at the door of my room while the Abyssinians were engaged in spear play in the mosque of Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him). He screened me with his cloak so I could watch them perform. He stood there for my sake until I decided that I had had enough. Now just imagine how much time a young girl eager for entertainment would stand there watching. [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

Another

When the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) would have a meal with Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her), they would both eat from the same plate and drink from the same cup as each other. What the Prophet (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) would do is, turn the cup where Aishas lip marks were left and would drink from that side of the cup. He would also make eye contact with her and then drink.[Sahîh al-Bukhârî ]

Another

Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her) said: That she accompanied the Prophet on a certain journey. At that time she was a mere girl and was neither fat nor bulky. The Prophet asked the people to move on, and they marched ahead. Then the Prophet said to me, “Come on, let us have a race.” ‘Aisha says that she ran and remained much ahead of him. The Prophet kept quiet for some time. Later on when Aisha grew fat and loose bodied, and she forgot the previous incident. Again she accompanied the Prophet on some journey. The Prophet again asked the people to march ahead, and they moved ahead. Then the Prophet again asked her to have a race with him. This time the prophet defeated her and she lagged behind. Now the Prophet laughed and said, “This is in reply to our previous defeat.” [Ahmad, Safwat as-Safwah]

Another

Aisha (May Allah Be Pleased With Her) would often seek reassurance from The Prophet (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) that he loved her.

“How is your love for me?” she once asked.

“Like the rope’s knot,” he replied, meaning that it was strong and secure.

Many times after that she would ask, “How is the knot?” and he would reply: “Ala haaliha” meaning “The same as ever!” [Hilya al Awliya]

So why are we ashamed or why do we prevent ourselves from expressing in a manner that has been displayed by who we are supposed to follow? This should encourage us, make us open minded and display our love to our spouses this way. Eat with them, race with them and speak to them gently. Words of sweetness and love. Being rough, speaking to your spouses in a disrespectful manner, being harsh, neglecting them is not the treatment the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) has showed us. This is who we are supposed to follow. Islam is beautiful as it shows all aspects on how to be. There are things you do which you will be rewarded for. Display your love to your spouse. Be creative. Be romantic. Be sweet. Be loving and most important of all, do it because it is what it taught in Islam. This is both for the husband and the wife. This isn’t directed to the man but women, you can do it too, don’t expect your husband to do it all the time. Now you know how the Messenger of Allah displayed his love and was romantic with Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), you can too. Insha’Allah.

My Experience with “love”

Image

*I wrote this a couple of years ago and I had stumbled across this on my facebook notes. It is one of my favourite pieces as it shows growth, maturity and understanding. Insha’Allah, it helps you in some way. Enjoy!

As a kid growing up, I wasn’t the most handsome looking guy. I wasn’t even worth while looking at. I remember in high school a girl said to me, literally; “you look uglier than last year.” When she said that, my friend was right beside me and all he could do was chuckle. I never had a low self esteem nor did I ever think I was this ugly looking guy as she perceived because as the years went on, she found something about my physical presence that did attract her which was weird.

There was something about myself which I had a hard time understanding. I was never out looking for love but I did write about it a lot. I guess in a way I found peace in myself whenever i wrote about it. I would write poems but then, eventually you branch out of your writings and try to live within your imagination. Which I believe everyone attempts to do. Whenever I’d feel for a certain girl, I’d write about it not knowing how I exactly felt. Whether it was love or lust or a life lesson which I eventually learned as I matured.

Love was definitely a new feeling. I didn’t expect it to hit me the way it did when I actually fell in “love.” I didn’t expect things to go the way it did. I didn’t expect things to bubble out that way I imagined them because I always imagined a certain, perfect, love life. Her and I would be happy, there wouldn’t be many fights and life goes on. Like a fairytale, right? I imagined things would go smooth and when fights would occur, we would fix these things. See, I thought this was actually love.

I eventually went on with this experience of “love” that I was mystified by. It took over my mind, it took over the way I’d do certain things. My day-to-day actions as a person changed. I was no longer this individual many others knew but i was a different person because I believed I had “love” in my life. Was I happy in this state? Of course I was. Anyone who has ever been in love knows how it feels to be in love but no one knows how it actually feels when reality hits you. When things you believe that were written for you never occur, even though your imagination is all over the place, trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle. You attempt to put these pieces of the puzzle of love together. To Make sure everything is right and nothing should go wrong. That is what we all believe, right? Again, a fairytale.

My love experiences have been insane. Has it broken my soul as a man? I believe not because I believe everything that has happened to me in my life, has made me a much wiser person. Has made me aware of the harsh realities of life and how people react to certain emotions. Genuine emotions, false emotions, physical emotions. They all came with the good and the bad. The bad was my life taking a drastic turn because I eventually realized this love…. was not love at all. It was far from love because I attempted to make things permissible when it was never permissible. It was against the laws of my nature. The book of my life, that was written before I was even born.

I tried to be this individual who couldn’t seize the moment of life, when “love” was going bad. I didn’t understand it. I couldn’t grasp these moments as they were transpiring. I was wondering what I did wrong and each time something went wrong, I attempted to fix it because I was ignorant and I didn’t want to let go of this “love” that entered my soul. I didn’t understand that this love was fabricated by these movies we are introduced to. Cartoons we watch of Mickey Mouse and Minny Mouse, showing us how happily they are in love. I didn’t understand any of it. I let it take control of my life. I was happy maybe for a few months but then that happiness was gone. My heart was shifting from a very warm, loving person to a very cold hearted person because “love” exited my life.

These moments of love exiting my life were very, very, difficult. It left me in a state of confusion and still at that time, I was ignorant. I didn’t understand how and exactly why these things kept happening or as we say “to me, why me?”

Then reality hit me. I felt comfortable in my own skin because I understood that these types of “love” were created by someone else and we were just trying to live through someone else fantasies. We attempt to create all types of dreams, that we believe will come true, through our actions but they were never our actions. We carried ourselves through someone else visions of love. We hesitated to live with ourselves because we were seeking something that was out of reach but we made it seem it was so close to us.

Love may seem scary but in fact, it is far from scary. Real love which I am honestly still seeking I am not afraid of. The fabricated love I am definitely afraid of because it’s not that I don’t understand it, it’s the hardships it puts you through. The life lessons that come with it are great but that’s all they were. To help shape you to become a better individual. I’ve learned lessons through having relationships that I wanted to work out but never ended up working. You put your whole life and soul into it. You give it your all and then it just all falls apart.

Some of us will never understand that what we are actually chasing, has always been out of reach. That girl has always been out of reach but as you try to get closer to her, she just seems to get further, further away. Not in that sense she doesn’t want you but in your heart she’s more further away then she is actually close to you. Your mind plays tricks on you. Saying, you love her. Saying all these types of things because you want to be loved so bad and show love so bad. You want to share that happiness that you see others express walking through the streets. That others display so openly. You crave for it but it was never real. You just attempted to put visions of others and some of your imagination together to make it seem like it was real and coming true.

You see, love is very tricky. You either know you are in love or you think you are in love. When you know you are in love, your passion, your livelihood, your personality, a lot of things change about you. When you think you are in love, you chase materialistic things. You chase dinners. You chase movies. You chase these visions that others placed in our minds, that make it seem that we are in love. So we continue to chase it and in the end, we are left lifeless. We are left with nothing because we feel our other half has actually left us and we can’t live no more. We have nothing to live for. When it is not necessarily true because that other half was never our other half, that is why it never worked. That is why each time you attempted to put the pieces of the puzzle together, it would just all fall apart.

I think love is great. Real love is great but fabricated love can and will leave you scarred. It will leave you displaced as an individual. You will be searching to find your soul rather than a soul mate, that’s how harsh fabricated love can be. I am not saying, real love can’t do this but fabricated love which everyone seems to be chasing happens more often.

Don’t be afraid to love, share love, share love with those who aren’t afraid to share it with you but understand certain things occur because it has been written for you. You either didn’t understand the lesson that was placed in front of you or you were so caught up in “love” that when you did understand it, it was to late and your soul was broken.

My soul is no longer broken. My experiences of love have helped me understand people much better. It has made me aware of these harsh realities and It’s life. I no longer chase this fabricated love even though it made me a better person. It showed me how to love when I do find my wife. Loving is not just about words or actions, it’s about the peace you feel when you are with that person as well. Fabricated love will never make you happy. It never will because we try to live visions, stories of others we have read about. We want this love or that love but we need to find our love before we seek to love others more than anything else.

Love is great, love is beautiful and I am a lover but not a lover of fabricated love. Don’t go soul searching with every female or male you come across. Just let things happen the way it’s meant to happen. Life will take its course and you will find whomever it is your meant to be with. Most important of all, always ask Allah for everything in this life.