The Strongest Version Of Yourself – On Sale!!

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Assalamu’alaykum, my book is finally available to purchase on amazon!! I’ve also dropped the price from $9.99 to $4.99. If you use the payhip link and click the share button on that page, you’ll get the book for $2.99. There are also more reviews on the payhip website that tells you what people think of the book and how they felt after reading it. I will insha’Allah, be more active writing. I just needed some time away and time for myself, away from social media. Insha’Allah, I can continue to inspire and motivate others to the best of my ability.

Please purchase my book and show your support, so Insha’Allah, I can write another if this does well.

https://payhip.com/b/3FdM ($4.99 – PDF VERSION –  More reviews on this link)

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00QFUJQHW  ($4.99 – KINDLE VERSION)

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Young People Wanting To Be In Love

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This is the same advice I gave to my younger sister who is no longer “young” and my younger cousins:

If you are 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, there is no need for you to be in a relationship. All that will do to you is break your heart over and over and over again, only for you to grow bitter in age, become insecure and hurt yourself in the process. At the same time, you expect these men after them to fix what has been broken and that is your mind and especially our heart. Not a single individual in this world can fix that for you except Allah and yourself. At such a young age, there is only a need to work on yourself and nobody else. You have so much potential at that age that can be ruined because of a man whose only need at that age is sex.

Grow to be a better person. Grow to love what you want to do. Grow to be a better Muslim. Men will come and go all your life and you know this. Im not telling you anything that you already don’t know. You think, what most people think, “there isn’t another guy out there like him.” You are right, there isn’t because there is someone better than him. At this age, you see other people’s happiness because you can’t find it in yourself, so you want what others have. Understand, you cannot have what others have, you can only have what you have been given and can only appreciate what you have been given and that will only happen when either you realize it or it is taken from you. If you work on yourself now, I can guarantee you, in years time, that right person will come into your life when you least expect it because you’ve worked on yourself all this time.

Read the Qur’an everyday, if not, as often as you can. Pray your salah and make that connection with Allah. If you have Allah there is nothing else you need. In due time, the right person will come, in the mean time, put yourself at the forefront of your own life, take control of it and work on yourself. If you don’t, as you get older, you will become insecure. You will become bitter. You will hurt yourself and hurt other great people who try to be with you. Don’t let this happen to you. Be smart. Be wise and know that you have a long journey in this life. Don’t let a person ruin it because they never appreciated you. Learn to appreciate yourself. Love yourself and be ready for anything in life. The right person will come but you need to be right and happy with yourself. Marriage is there to protect you so only seek marriage and not boyfriend and girlfriend fling as this is temporary and with no guarantees.

Advice: Regarding Your Post on Solutions For a Heartbreak

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(She had allowed me to share her story)

 

Assalamu alaykum Malik Shabazz,

My name is ——- and I would like to thank you for writing “Solutions For a Heartbreak”. Jazakallah khair. It has helped put some things into perspective for me. I was still left with one question however. I’ve tried moving on for about a year now and every time I was able to get back on my feet, he would come into my life and bring me down again. The mistake I made was allowing us to be “friends” after. He would treat me like a friend one day, and more than that on others that it would give me hope. When I saw him pursuing someone else, it hurt me so much that I had to cut off all contact with him for the sake of my sanity. But even now that I’ve done that, I still can’t avoid him. He comes to my university to see her and they hang out at the places where I go to for either class or studying. And if not at university, I see him in downtown with her. I’ve tried to mend the rifts, realize that what we had in the first place was haraam, and let go of everything but I still feel so hurt when I see him. We’ve been together for about three years and I sincerely believed I loved him and I still do. I keep having thoughts like “he’s doing the exact same things with her as he did with me” or “what’s wrong with me that he doesn’t want to marry me?”. I try so hard to be thankful to Allah and seek His forgiveness and accept that this is what was written for me. And every time I feel like I’ve come to terms with it, I see him and these thoughts come back into my mind. I feel so lost and everything in my minds seems so blurry and I don’t know who to turn to after Allah for advice. We have so many mutual friends it’s difficult for me to not run into him. Do you have any advice on how I can avoid him? Or how I can pick myself up more quickly after I see him? If you have time, your advice is very much appreciated.
Thank you so much for sharing your writing. It has helped me in many ways. May Allah reward you and give you the best in this life and the hereafter.
Wa salaam,
———
Walikhum salam, ——-. I clicked on your google+ profile and it says you are from Toronto! WOOHOO! A Torontonian like myself! That’s awesome!!

It’s really good that you let him go and let him stop hurting you. That’ was a huge step and you seen what he was doing to you. You’ve realized the value of yourself and you’ve believed you should not be treated like this anymore and you obviously deserve better. That is huge progress and many women do not do this. Instead, they continue to be treated badly but still pursue the man, hurting themselves over and over again. Be proud of yourself as you overcome a huge obstacle that many fail to see and realize.
In this situation you are going through, you have two options. Only two options. You either leave the university you are going to, avoid downtown and cut off all the mutual friends you have with each other and let him know he controls your affairs. He controls your heart. He controls your mind. He controls the way you live and he is basically in control of everything you do. Basically, he owns you.
Option number two is. You are strong and no matter how many times you see him with that other woman. No matter how many times you see him downtown. No matter how many times you mix with your mutual friends, you are strong because you are in control of how you feel. He does not control of how you feel and he has never have. He may have for that temporary moment in your lives together but he no longer does. People only have a such minor effect on us that we let them control the major parts of our body. That is our brain and our heart. He doesn’t own neither of those things. You can run away from him but running away never solves anyone’s problems. It’s obviously difficult to see him with someone else because you obviously saw a future with him. You planned a lot together and spent a lot of time together but after that, it never progressed. When facing anything in your life, you must face it standing tall and never be afraid of that moment. You are in control of who you are and will always be. The people on the outside, the people that were temporarily there, never controlled you but you allowed them to be this huge, massive, important person who was able to do as they pleased. If they wanted you to be unhappy, you became unhappy. If you wanted to be happy, you became happy. When giving people control of you, this is what happens. You control whether you should be happy or whether you should be sad and not any other individual. You tie your camel and leave the rest to Allah, that’s how life works.
Heartbreak is tough. It’s one of the toughest things I’ve ever dealt with but it builds so much character. It makes you understand the value of yourself. It makes you understand the value of your friends. It makes you love who you are. It makes you see your flaws that you work on them and you love them because it makes you who you are. People take heartbreak as such a terrible thing but it has built so many great people and made them value themselves even more. After this, value yourself like you’ve NEVER valued yourself in your life because you deserve it. Not from anyone else but from yourself. We are in control of minor things in our lives but the major things is in Allah’s hand and will always be. Whatever was meant to come your way was going to come and you would never avoid it. Whatever wasn’t was going to, is going to miss you. This should build you up to be the woman you want to become. The strongest version of yourself. This is what trials do. They build up superior characters from weak individuals that we once thought we were but we never were, we believed that we needed a crutch from someone else to see that value of ourselves when all we needed to do was realize who we were and what Allah SWT has blessed us with.
Insha’Allah, this helps. You are more than welcome to email me back whenever you like with more questions about anything.
————–
Assalamu alaykum,

Jazakallah khair for your response. You have raised many points that have given me strength and optimism when I think about moving forward now. I know it won’t be easy and it will take patience and Insha’Allah I will remember them and apply them to my daily life. I really appreciate the time and effort you took in replying back. I pray Allah will continue to shower His blessings on you in this life and the next. Ameen.

Wa salaam,
———
Solutions For A Heartbreak can be read here

Solutions For A Heartbreak

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You’ve recently come out of a relationship with a person whom you thought your life was set with. You had all types of dreams. All types of conversations about getting married, living together, having kids and being husband and wife. You two had spent quite a lot of your time together. Being in a relationship which made you two feel spectacular together. Inseparable! Your friends knew about the two of you and they could only compliment your relationship and how fantastic it was. Life takes its own twist and turns and the relationship is no more.

Your heart is broken. Your pillow is wet. You are having sleepless nights and looking for ways to either get back together or look for ways to get over that individual. No matter what you’ve done through the weeks or months that have passed, you’ve been in a slump. Feeling blah and out of character because this individual, this person you loved so much, is no longer apart of your life. You’ve tried various methods on how to get over this person and NOTHING seems to work.

I will list several ways on how to get over this individual and why you can’t get over this individual, insha’Allah.

Why You Can’t Get Over Them?

1. Your expectations of being together were held way too high. As you know, life is unpredictable. Today you are healthy, tomorrow morning you are feeling sick with a high fever. Coughing, vomiting, thinking yesterday I was just fine, what happened to me today? When holding such high expectations of things you can only dream about coming true, eventually when it doesn’t you are in for a huge disappointment. This is how life can be at times. Unpredictable. You’ve held such high expectations of things coming true, when it didn’t, your life came crashing down like a building that has just been demolished or jenga. You want to NEVER hold anyone or anything to such high expectations that when it doesn’t go your way, your life goes away with it too. You are only capable of doing and giving what you are able to. After that, whatever comes is not in your hands and never has been. Hold people in a balanced position, when and if things don’t go as you’ve hoped or planned, your soul, your heart is not going with those expectations that have crumbled.

2. You feel you’ll never find a person like them. The point in the heart break where the thought races through your head, “I will never find someone like that ever again! I will never be loved the way they loved me! I will be lonely for life! No one will love me again!” You’ve held this person in your life to such a high plateau that everything has revolved around them. The way they loved you, the way they cared for you and the way they were so attentive to your needs. Now that they are gone, you feel no one can ever come close to that again. This is where you’ve held a person, a creation, to expectations which are unreal, not fit for anyone but all of us are capable of loving, caring and being attentive to one another. Instead you hold onto a firm belief, that no one will love you like them and you’ll never find someone like that ever again. This is where you are wrong. You don’t know if that person was right for you. You two may have gotten along but perhaps along the way, something may have happened which would have worsened the relationship  to the point where it was much more destructive than just a break up. Your life doesn’t end with just this individual and your heart and soul does not belong to them. Your heart and soul belongs to you and Allah SWT, your creator. There WILL be someone better than that individual and there will be someone that will come into your life who is a much more improved individual than that person was.

How To Get Over The Individual

1. Know that this individual never belonged to you in the first place and that Allah SWT, your creator had planned someone better all along. You need to firmly believe this because this is the decree of Allah SWT. As this thought will enable you to think positively about the future and what is to come into your life for the betterment of your life.

2. Cut off all communication you have with this individual. After a relationship ends, we tend to hold onto that person, wanting that person back in our lives, so we continue to speak to them, hoping things workout again. The fact of the matter is, if it was to workout, it would have but it didn’t. This is good for your life. It helped you avoid certain situations which again, could have been destructive in the future. Perhaps your eman (faith) would not improve. Perhaps the relationship would have led to the hell fire and Allah SWT had protected both of you from it. Cut all ties with this individual. Text messages, phone calls, block and delete from social networks. Do not spy on them. Delete pictures, old memories, take a deep breath and believe things will be better, insha’Allah. If the individual does decide to come back, you have to consider EVERYTHING that has happened in the relationship and if they are not serious about getting married and just want a relationship, you have to remind the person, we have something here which could be long term and you two were probably long term so come to my wali (guardian) and lets get married. If marriage is not what they want, then believe, marriage is something they’ve never wanted in the first place. Move on with your life and insha’Allah, you’ll be with someone who will commit their life to you with the right intentions.

3. Be around positive people. No matter what types of problems you have in your life, when you are around people who are happy, have a connection with Allah SWT, you will more than likely have that same feeling. You are what your friends are. If your friends cuss, you will likely cuss. If you friends are happy, always in a good mood, that will pass on to you. This will allow your mind to get off of so many things that weren’t meant to be and be around people who are meant to be in your life for a reason. Cherish them. These people are long term and will more than likely be around even after you’ve married the person Allah SWT has set aside for you.

4. Seek forgiveness with Allah SWT. Know that your relationship was haram (forbidden) and you need to make sincere repentance from being in a relationship with a non-mahram. This individual was not your spouse and everything you’ve done while being together was sinful. Allah SWT is Al-Gaffur (The Forgiving) so ask. This is my favourite hadith, I love it because it shows how reassuring and how forgiving Allah SWT is. How merciful He is.

The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Allaah, Blessed and Exalted is He, says, ‘O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshipping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.” [Tirmidhi]

5. Be patient through your heart break and learn from this. Do not become bitter nor become overly depressed as this was out of your control. This individual was not meant for you from the very beginning of your life. Was never written but someone else is. Smile as often as you can and keep your head high. You are wasting your precious life, your tears, starving yourself because of a person that was not meant to be. Your life is worth more. Your body is worth more. You deserve happiness and happiness was not destined with this individual. Allah SWT had protected you from so much and you need to thank Allah SWT for it. The person that enters your life next, do not judge them based on this relationship or past relationships assuming things will go the same way. You do not know the outcome nor do you know their intentions. Be cautious but also be optimistic and positive that insha’Allah this person is the one. Take the right measures in getting to know this individual, so your heart and soul does not become attached and when they leave, the attachment, does not belong to them, it belongs to you. Be balanced and always, always, thank Allah SWT for everything.

Insha’Allah, this helps. If you have any questions or you are going through something like this and you need advice, feel free to contact me. My email is mshabazz33@gmail.com

Also read: https://mshabazz33.wordpress.com/2014/02/18/advice-regarding-your-post-on-solutions-for-a-heartbreak/

Be The Solution For The Change You Deserve

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We all have choices in our lives when people began to enter our lives. We have a choice to either let them stay or let them go but in some situations, we let them stay because we have those thoughts and feelings, even when they screw up, they will change. The mistake we seem to be making too often, is allowing those same types of people entering our lives all the time. In hopes, they change. In hopes, that our fantasy of a fairytale ending will come true. In hopes, that things will go over smoothly and life will begin to bloom beautifully like a flower.

Nothing changes, except the condition of our hearts and minds. Each time you cry over this person, your heart aches. Your mind begins to create a scenario where you’ll end up lonely. Those sleepless nights only extend for a much longer period of time as you think of the person, who is not thinking of you. We all are able to control somethings in our lives. Some signs are given through ishtikhara (seeking goodness in Allah) and some signs are there as soon as they become apparent but we become blind over this lust, that we call love.

Walking out of a bad situation, when you know your heart aches, your pillow is wet, and your days become more depressing because that person, is the only one you want and it is their attention you crave. While your attention is only noticed when they want to be noticed and then they get angry, when you dish out what they’ve been offering. Do not be the door in their lives. Rather be the exit that leads you to more doors and more signs. That will allow you to be loved the way you feel, you need to be loved and appreciated .

No one deserves to be taken advantage of. No one deserves to be thrown aside, then picked up and dropped again as the other person pleases. You are in control of certain situations. You are in control of who should exit and enter your life. The person who causes misery, hurt and only needs your comfort when their life is boring or dull, does not deserve to be there. You are better than that and you know you deserve better than that. Don’t give your tears away to a person that does not care. Don’t sacrifice your sleep for a person who doesn’t want to be apart of your life. Don’t chase a person who doesn’t respond, you are not beggar. You are a person built with qualities that are golden in the eyes of so many but you only think being gold in front of one, who doesn’t deserve you. You are a person built with unique gifts that would be accepted and loved by so many but the one you spent your unique gifts on, doesn’t appreciate you.

Be the solution for the problems. Don’t cause them to pile up for someone who doesn’t neatly pile them sort them with you. You deserve better. Walk out of that persons life and be the reason and solution for your happiness which you deserve.

Allah SWT will provide for you. Don’t EVER lose hope because one is lost while billions are waiting to be found and touched by you. You are the cause of hope, happiness, excitement in other people’s life. Don’t lose it all because of one person who doesn’t deserve you and never has appreciated you. Chin up, smile and say you can do it. There is nothing like reassuring yourself when life is falling down and you are staying positive.

Insha’Allah, things will pass over just as rain passes over and then there is sunshine. Behind every cloud. After every night, there is sunshine. Don’t ever lose hope. Love who you are.