Look Good & Be Good To Each Other

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I’ve noticed that men on the day of the walima (feast, wedding) will dress in the nicest clothing. Look extremely tidy and neat but as soon as that is over, they won’t look neat and tidy. Instead, they’ll become over weight and look like they are either pregnant or they are the ones that actually carried the baby with the weight they’ve gained. When they do look and dress nice, it is very rare but they expect their wives to look beautiful on most occasions.

Abdullah Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “I love that I beautify myself for my wife just like I love that she beautifies herself for me.” {Musannaf li-Ibn Abi Shaybah}

I’ve also noticed women before the wedding will drop a few sizes, lose weight just to beautify themselves for their husband. As soon as that is over, the woman becomes comfortable and lets herself go. Eating is important but eating healthy and taking care of yourself is important too. Your husband may never leave you when you gain weight but your health comes first.

The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Your body has a right over you.” {Shahih Al-Bukhari]

I also feel for the husband who works his butt off trying to provide a better living for his wife and children but his wife is not compassionate or appreciative of what is being done, instead just nags and complains about wanting more, is verbally abusive, making him feel unwanted and unappreciated.

I also feel for the wife who does everything in the household, cleaning, cooking, and looking after and raising the children but her husband is not compassionate or appreciative of what is being done, instead just nags, complains and is verbally abusive, making her feel unwanted and unappreciated.

Both should take time to realize what is being done in order for them to have the best lifestyle and living provided. It is not easy but what will make it easier if you appreciate the effort and give compliments instead of nagging and complaining about the effort being put in.

The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “The best of you are the best to their families, and I am the best to my family” [Sunan At-Tirmidhi]

The Prophet Muhammad also never complained about the food that was made. If he didn’t like it, he would leave it. This should be a lesson for those husbands, especially husbands that constantly complain about the wife’s effort in preparing and making the food. Emeril never became great in a day, Chef Ramzi never became great in a day and no one ever did but they continuously put the effort into make the best food possible. If your wife cooks for you, eat it don’t complain. Be patient with her, she is trying and doing it because she cares about you or she would probably poison you (joking).

It is reported by Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him): The Prophet (peace & blessings be upon him) would never complain about the food, but he would eat the food he liked and would leave what he disliked (shahih bukhari)

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Solutions For A Heartbreak

heartbreak

You’ve recently come out of a relationship with a person whom you thought your life was set with. You had all types of dreams. All types of conversations about getting married, living together, having kids and being husband and wife. You two had spent quite a lot of your time together. Being in a relationship which made you two feel spectacular together. Inseparable! Your friends knew about the two of you and they could only compliment your relationship and how fantastic it was. Life takes its own twist and turns and the relationship is no more.

Your heart is broken. Your pillow is wet. You are having sleepless nights and looking for ways to either get back together or look for ways to get over that individual. No matter what you’ve done through the weeks or months that have passed, you’ve been in a slump. Feeling blah and out of character because this individual, this person you loved so much, is no longer apart of your life. You’ve tried various methods on how to get over this person and NOTHING seems to work.

I will list several ways on how to get over this individual and why you can’t get over this individual, insha’Allah.

Why You Can’t Get Over Them?

1. Your expectations of being together were held way too high. As you know, life is unpredictable. Today you are healthy, tomorrow morning you are feeling sick with a high fever. Coughing, vomiting, thinking yesterday I was just fine, what happened to me today? When holding such high expectations of things you can only dream about coming true, eventually when it doesn’t you are in for a huge disappointment. This is how life can be at times. Unpredictable. You’ve held such high expectations of things coming true, when it didn’t, your life came crashing down like a building that has just been demolished or jenga. You want to NEVER hold anyone or anything to such high expectations that when it doesn’t go your way, your life goes away with it too. You are only capable of doing and giving what you are able to. After that, whatever comes is not in your hands and never has been. Hold people in a balanced position, when and if things don’t go as you’ve hoped or planned, your soul, your heart is not going with those expectations that have crumbled.

2. You feel you’ll never find a person like them. The point in the heart break where the thought races through your head, “I will never find someone like that ever again! I will never be loved the way they loved me! I will be lonely for life! No one will love me again!” You’ve held this person in your life to such a high plateau that everything has revolved around them. The way they loved you, the way they cared for you and the way they were so attentive to your needs. Now that they are gone, you feel no one can ever come close to that again. This is where you’ve held a person, a creation, to expectations which are unreal, not fit for anyone but all of us are capable of loving, caring and being attentive to one another. Instead you hold onto a firm belief, that no one will love you like them and you’ll never find someone like that ever again. This is where you are wrong. You don’t know if that person was right for you. You two may have gotten along but perhaps along the way, something may have happened which would have worsened the relationship  to the point where it was much more destructive than just a break up. Your life doesn’t end with just this individual and your heart and soul does not belong to them. Your heart and soul belongs to you and Allah SWT, your creator. There WILL be someone better than that individual and there will be someone that will come into your life who is a much more improved individual than that person was.

How To Get Over The Individual

1. Know that this individual never belonged to you in the first place and that Allah SWT, your creator had planned someone better all along. You need to firmly believe this because this is the decree of Allah SWT. As this thought will enable you to think positively about the future and what is to come into your life for the betterment of your life.

2. Cut off all communication you have with this individual. After a relationship ends, we tend to hold onto that person, wanting that person back in our lives, so we continue to speak to them, hoping things workout again. The fact of the matter is, if it was to workout, it would have but it didn’t. This is good for your life. It helped you avoid certain situations which again, could have been destructive in the future. Perhaps your eman (faith) would not improve. Perhaps the relationship would have led to the hell fire and Allah SWT had protected both of you from it. Cut all ties with this individual. Text messages, phone calls, block and delete from social networks. Do not spy on them. Delete pictures, old memories, take a deep breath and believe things will be better, insha’Allah. If the individual does decide to come back, you have to consider EVERYTHING that has happened in the relationship and if they are not serious about getting married and just want a relationship, you have to remind the person, we have something here which could be long term and you two were probably long term so come to my wali (guardian) and lets get married. If marriage is not what they want, then believe, marriage is something they’ve never wanted in the first place. Move on with your life and insha’Allah, you’ll be with someone who will commit their life to you with the right intentions.

3. Be around positive people. No matter what types of problems you have in your life, when you are around people who are happy, have a connection with Allah SWT, you will more than likely have that same feeling. You are what your friends are. If your friends cuss, you will likely cuss. If you friends are happy, always in a good mood, that will pass on to you. This will allow your mind to get off of so many things that weren’t meant to be and be around people who are meant to be in your life for a reason. Cherish them. These people are long term and will more than likely be around even after you’ve married the person Allah SWT has set aside for you.

4. Seek forgiveness with Allah SWT. Know that your relationship was haram (forbidden) and you need to make sincere repentance from being in a relationship with a non-mahram. This individual was not your spouse and everything you’ve done while being together was sinful. Allah SWT is Al-Gaffur (The Forgiving) so ask. This is my favourite hadith, I love it because it shows how reassuring and how forgiving Allah SWT is. How merciful He is.

The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Allaah, Blessed and Exalted is He, says, ‘O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshipping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.” [Tirmidhi]

5. Be patient through your heart break and learn from this. Do not become bitter nor become overly depressed as this was out of your control. This individual was not meant for you from the very beginning of your life. Was never written but someone else is. Smile as often as you can and keep your head high. You are wasting your precious life, your tears, starving yourself because of a person that was not meant to be. Your life is worth more. Your body is worth more. You deserve happiness and happiness was not destined with this individual. Allah SWT had protected you from so much and you need to thank Allah SWT for it. The person that enters your life next, do not judge them based on this relationship or past relationships assuming things will go the same way. You do not know the outcome nor do you know their intentions. Be cautious but also be optimistic and positive that insha’Allah this person is the one. Take the right measures in getting to know this individual, so your heart and soul does not become attached and when they leave, the attachment, does not belong to them, it belongs to you. Be balanced and always, always, thank Allah SWT for everything.

Insha’Allah, this helps. If you have any questions or you are going through something like this and you need advice, feel free to contact me. My email is mshabazz33@gmail.com

Also read: https://mshabazz33.wordpress.com/2014/02/18/advice-regarding-your-post-on-solutions-for-a-heartbreak/

6 Rights Of A Muslim Upon Another Muslim – Third Right: When He Seeks Your Advice, Advise Him

*These hadiths are not only for males but he can be taken as a general term. So it is for he and she

The Third Right:
His statement, “And when he seeks your advice, advise him.” This means that if he seeks consultation with you regarding some action, as to whether he should do it or not, then advise him with that which you would like for yourself. Thus, if the action is something that is beneficial in all aspects, then encourage him to do that, and if it is something harmful, then warn him against it. And if the action contains both benefit and harm, then explain that to him and weigh the benefits against the harms. Likewise, if he consults with you concerning some dealing with someone among the people, or whether he should marry a woman off to someone, or whether he should marry someone, then extend your pure and sincere advice to him, and deal with him from the view point of what you would do for you own self. And avoid deceiving him in any matter of these things. For verily whoever deceives the Muslims, then he is not of them, and indeed he has left off the obligation of being sincere and advising. And this sincerity and advising is absolutely obligatory, however it becomes more emphasized when the person seeks your advice and he requests from you that you give him a beneficial opinion. For this reason the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) specifically mentioned it in this important situation. The explanation of the hadeeth, “The religion is sincerity”, has already been mentioned previously (in this book) in a manner that suffices without us having to repeat the discussion here.

None Of You Will Truly Believe Until…

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Most people are concerned with how Beyonce did her hair, what new style of hijab Ill wear, what sneakers to pick up next instead of helping to find solutions to the problems society has to constantly deal with, which aren’t relatively new. The sad part is, as new trends keep popping up and new “stars” arise, world issues, things we deal with on a regular basis, social problems are put into the corner of the closet and forgotten about.

Most people are intrigued and would rather hear the gossip about whose family did what, what sins another person committed, instead of looking into their own errors but who cares, all this is minor until you have to deal with it within your family or yourself. Then to go out and hear these things from those you reported to, only to look down and contemplate about how you spoke about others.

We are rather intrigued by the dramas that unfold but are fictional and only a person’s imagination. We attempt live within that realm that never existed because after the director yells “CUT!” their personas, the people you admire are cut too. Instead we flock to these people who probably don’t even care about you. You invest your time, money and energy screaming their name, only for them to say “who are you again? I know you from where?” yeah, they never really cared. Instead, you rather get your heart broken by these fictional marauders, instead of getting your heart repaired by the words of Allah SWT.

The world is so full of “what is there to entertain me next?” Instead of “what do I learn to do next, that will benefit me?” Instead we have people expecting instructional manuals on life, instead of experiencing it themselves. They don’t know, experience is life’s best teacher but who cares, I’d rather wait to hear someone else story.

The fame and the glory is not something to live for because even those who lived for the fame were often at times miserable themselves. Attaining temporary happiness but you seek attain what is temporary and they would happily exchange their life for yours because it’s more simplistic, without it being televised and photographed if they step out. Instead we foam at the mouth dreaming of their nightmares, while they plead and want to escape their nightmares, wanting your reality.

We are more concerned about who scuffed up our shoes, instead of those who have no shoes. We pass people with their hands out, while our hands are stuck in our pocket. Stingy to give a dollar but more than happy to give multi-billionaire companies $200. It’s confusing but this is the reality we live in. Syria full of blood. Egypt full of blood. Burma full of blood. Bangladesh full of blood. Palestine full of blood. Iraq full of blood. Afghanistan full of blood. Pakistanis and Somalis hit by drones while Obama says “I hope Muslims have a happy and safe Ramadan around the world. A month blessed with joys of family, peace and understanding.” Hypocritical. Africans being subjects to new chemical test and us…. full of pride and ego. We sleep in peace, while they are afraid of losing more than a piece of themselves. Our reality better than theirs but we don’t cherish it, instead we complain about the food, the clothes, the cars and the way we commute which we don’t lack, which they lack of.

It’s a sad reality and this is how we really live. Tomorrow will never change until we change the conditions within ourselves but we are deaf, dumb and blind by our own egos, pride and new ways to become popular and how to entertain ourselves. The voice of the people trapped behind the guns drawn, the laws passed and big brother watching. No unity but we are united in long lines to shop for the latest deals. What’s up with that? Victory seems to close but united we need to become first. The United Nations have their own agendas, so they don’t count.

We are the voice of the people. Leaders of this beautiful ummah (community/nation).The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “None of you will truly believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself.” [Shahih Al-Bukhari]

Think about…………..

6 Rights Of A Muslim Upon Another Muslim – Second Right: “When He Invites You, Respond To His Invitation”

The Second Right:
“When he invites you, respond to his invitation.” This means that when he invites you with an invitation to some food and drink, then fulfill the request of your brother who has drawn near to you and honored you with the invitation. Respond to his invitation (i.e. accept it), unless you have an excuse.

Question: “I Don’t Think Love Exists Anymore……

I don’t think love exists on earth anymore. there is more bad than good from love and love IS evil most of time

Your perception of love may have come from your falling out with people whom you thought you were in love with and vice versa. For you to say, love is evil, may also come from the lack of trust you may have for another in order to come to a thought like that. Love should not be defined from bad experiences because that’s all you’ll receive and look for is bad experiences. In order to love, fully, whole heartily, you must not look at every situation as the past situations because they are your past. You must learn and adapt from those experiences, in order for you to become a better overall person and for you to love with the intent of loving for the sake of Allah SWT. Allah SWT has divided mercy into 100 parts and kept 99 for himself and sent one part down to Earth. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Allah divided mercy into one-hundred parts and He kept its ninty-nine parts with Him and sent down its one part on the earth, and because of that, its one single part, His creations are Merciful to each other, so that even the mare lifts up its hoofs away from its baby animal, lest it should trample on it.” [Sahih Bukhari] So love comes from the mercy He has given us. Genuine love may be hard to find because some individuals talk about it, rather than be about it. We as Muslims must be honest with our feelings and be truthful about them. As the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “None of you will believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself.” [Bukhari & Muslim] If we look at that hadith, it says to us, what you would like to be done to you, do to others as well. So treat others in a manner that would not hurt you or against your morals or beliefs. So do not define now, as you would define 2 years ago or 5 years because people grow in wisdom and eventually mature. As Muhammad Ali said. “The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” So continue to grow everyday, be mature, be open minded, continue to learn and move on from your past.

Desires Over What Has Been Established

Asalamwalikum, it is time to for me to start my fast but I have a few things on my mind before I go and get something to eat. Over the past couple of days, I’ve been reading other peoples blogs on Islam and I can say, I was impressed with quite a lot of them and alhumdulilah (thanks to Allah) they have been blessed to tap into people. While the others I have read were not so good and this is not because I think I am a superior writer or better than others, nor am I trying to humble myself for others because the truth of the matter is, I am just an average writer sharing my experiences and questions I get from people.

The reason why I say the others I have read were not so good was because they’ve taken the Quran, verses from the Quran and Hadiths and taking them completely out of context. This itself is misleading to the person who is trying to learn about Islam and secondly I feel it is disrespectful to the scholars who have strived for years, their entire lives to put things into perspective for us and for some people or people to take the Quran & Hadith within their own interpretation and twist it to their own desires is dangerous.

There is nothing wrong with pondering over the Quran nor is there anything wrong with attempting to interpret it yourself because Allah says several times in the Quran for us to either ponder over the verses or asks us to think of these verses which have been revealed. In Surah Saad, Surah Muhammad, Surah Ar-Rahman, Surah Yusuf and many others. It becomes a problem when you attempt to teach others the verses based on your own understanding, while the scholars themselves have put it according to the Sunnah of the Messenger Of Allah and companions and many others, while you put it according to your own desires and according to your own benefit.

A lot of times when someone begins to tell us something, we directly assume what they are trying to say, instead of listening and asking them to clarify what they are saying. There are many verses in the Quran & things from the Hadith, which seem pretty straight forward but the scholars have went into depth and explained these things which could take up to an hour to explain and this is only a few verses. While people sit there and assume these verses mean this, while it means something completely different. Totally the opposite of what has already been established in the Sunnah and what has already been agreed upon by the scholars themselves and this is not just one or a handful of scholars but a majority.

There also people whom taken the lives of scholars themselves and the hardships they’ve went through and were unable to fulfill a sunnah based on their circumstances at the time and have convinced themselves, if such and such scholar was able to avoid a Sunnah, which seems a major part of Islam, then I am too. First of all, you aren’t a scholar, nor are the hardships or trials you’ve went through compared to what they’ve been through. Nor have you put in the time and effort they’ve put into Islam explaining hadiths, making the religion of Islam easier for us to comprehend. For example, people say if Sheikh Ul-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy upon him) didn’t get married and it seems to be a sunnah and half of my religion, then I don’t either. It has been explained by those who have studied the history of Ibn Taymiyah, he was imprisoned for years of his life and even when released, he was imprisoned again. Could he have gotten married in that time? Allah knows best because he is the best of planners. They also say the same about Imam An-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy upon him) who has great works in hadith and also responsible for putting together and categorizing Shahih Muslim which is one of the two most authentic books of hadith.

Your life may be miserable. You may have been in relationships where your heart has been torn apart and your trust meter is at an all time low but this does not give you an excuse to not fulfill half of your religion because people, scholars that are above you didn’t. Completely two different circumstances and different scenarios. Allah knows best about your trials but don’t put off a sunnah because you’ve been hurt or because you no longer trust people the way you used to. Put your trust in Allah and go from there.

The Quran & Hadith are very tough subjects and these scholars didn’t just pick up the Quran & Hadith in one night and come to conclusions as to why Allah said this and why The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said this. It has taken them years and the studies in these things are not easy so for us, even including myself, to take a verse or a hadith and put into my own words without fully understanding what the scholars have agreed upon is ignorance and misguidance. The worse is to take the verses and hadiths and to twist them to your own desires because Islam won’t allow certain things which seems to be the norm. You have to understand, Islam is perfect, the religion of Islam has been perfected. Allah SWT says: This day I have perfected your religion for you, completed my favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islaam as your religion.  [Surah Al-Maa’ida Verse 3] Also through the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him). So for us to come and add new things to the religion or fulfill our desires because our of wants and needs is wrong.

Abdullah Ibn Umar & Aisha (my Allah be pleased with them) & The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings be Upon Him) warned against the newly invented matters and also warned against things that were forbidden and then made halal.

The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “I warn you of the newly invented-matters (in the religion), and every newly-invented matter is an innovation, and every innovation is misguidance, and every misguidance is in Hellfire.” [an-Nisaa’ee]

Abdullah Ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) said: Every innovation is misguidance, even if the people regard it as good.“[ad- Daarimee]

Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said: “whoever invents an act of worship, will have it rejected.” [Shahih Muslim]

The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Among my ummah there will certainly be people who permit zinaa (fornication), silk, alcohol and musical instruments” [Shahih Al-Bukhari]

So be careful of what you are doing and how you are interpreting the hadiths and the verses of the Quran. You may be allowing something which has been established as haram and you may be making it halal. Whatever has already been established, has been established and there is nothing that can be said or you can go around it. Learn from those who are much more knowledgable than you in the religion of Islam or whatever it maybe. There are plenty of Qurans which come from commentary and I’m sure there are ones from the classical scholars such as Ibn Kathir (may Allah have mercy upon him) and plenty others. Learn the religion from those who are on the correct aqeeda (belief) and those who are away from shirk (partners with Allah) and bidah (innovation)

And Allah knows best.