Looking Beyond The Dowry (mahr)

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Ladies – your dowry is important in Islam as it solidifies the marriage but to take it to an extreme and ask for unreasonable amounts makes you greedy. It is definitely your right to ask for whatever you like and however much you like but did you even consider that all that amount your asking for will be paid for and more through out the lives you two will live together, inshaallah.

That $10,000 dowry will be nothing compared to the amount of money your husband will spend on you several years down the line, unless he is stingy and cheap but Islam doesn’t allow that as he has to spend to provide for you. Don’t take advantage of the dowry. Look forward to the years spent together. Money doesn’t equal love and him having a lot money doesn’t equal him loving you more and him having and giving you less, doesn’t equal less love and fun. Love is more than digits in the account, a good job and a shiny ring. These things don’t signify love and understanding of the Quran and sunnah. But morals, respect, appreciation and love do. Because a believing man upholds the sunnah and clings to it and loves you according to it and more.

He doesn’t put you down, treat you like a slave and only comforts you when you beg. Love is unconditional and it shouldn’t have to be forced nor come attached with a massive price tag. Islam has made getting married easy but it is us, family, culture, influence that have made it difficult. If you truly want to get married, make the dowry easy and Allah subhanawatala will make the marriage beautiful. When marriage is made difficult and lots of money is spent towards the wedding itself, statistics say, it fails. Statistics aren’t facts but it’s an eye opener to the current trends of high priced marriages and miserable lives that come after. It is not to say, that your marriage will fail if you spend a lot but it is not from the sunnah. Rather what is from the sunnah is simplicity and making things easy upon the people and not burden them.

Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him) said: “The most blessed nikah is the one with the least expenses.” [Bayhaqi]

The Price Of Marriage –

Illustrated silhouette of a man sitting with his head in his hand

 

Practicing brothers and sisters are being turned away for marriage because parents hold onto their tribe and egos more than their deen (religion). They fear the backlash and criticism of people and family more than they fear Allah.

Then parents also have outrageous demands for dowry, only for the brother to walk away empty handed, while walking through the door with hopes of a blessed marriage. For parents it was greed, for the other it was love and a new journey but ended with a heartbreak.

If it is not your skin colour, then it is your lack of degree. If it isn’t your wealth, then it is your culture and tribe. How sad is it that we value what will soon be insignificant over what matters the most, which is character and religious commitment?

Marriage has turned into the highest bidder with dowry. The lightest skin complexion, tribe association and your degree with profession. If you don’t fit the 4, you aren’t approved as if you are applying for a credit card with bad credit history.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him) said: “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, or her religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” [Bukhari]

He also said: “If there comes to you to marry (your daughter) one who with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him, for if you do not do that, there will be fitnah (tribulation) in the land and widespread corruption.” [Tirmidhi]

Islam points you towards good character and religious commitment, while people point you towards money, degrees, skin colour and tribes. One leads you towards jannah (heaven), while the other leads you towards a temporary life and Allah says:

“Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children” [57:20]

Marriage shouldn’t be hard and marrying someone who is religiously committed with good character should be accepted. The skin colour, degrees or wealth shouldn’t matter either because we all entered the world the same and will leave the same, rich or poor.

Leave the tribalism and ego behind and follow the Qur’an and Sunnah to the best of your ability, in order to reap the fruits of success.