Don’t Doubt Yourself

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There is tremendous power in your ability to achieve. Don’t ever doubt yourself or your ability. Don’t ever think you are a failure. Don’t ever think you are a bum. You are neither of those. A bum or a failure and never have been. Believe in the ability you possess because it makes you beautiful and makes everything about you beautiful as well. Do what you love and do it from your heart. If you do that, you will achieve whatever it is you want. Believe in yourself and make progress. Every single water that drips into that soil is making progress for that plant to grow. It doesn’t grow over night or in 2 days but in a month or more. So don’t be upset about that progress that you don’t see but be encouraged by the progress you are making to see that achievement being fulfilled. It’ll happen in due time. Don’t stop, keep going forward.

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Constantly Changing

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We are constantly changing who we are on a day to day basis. No matter the little things you do, the things you learn, they are helping you change into the person you will become. Some people when going through changes, they take everything life has thrown at them and sit in a dark place. They sit in this dark place, concentrating on life’s sorrows which were intended to make them stronger. Depression doesn’t make you weak. It helps strengthen your mind to overcome life’s trials. They are there to help you progress in a way that is unimaginable. There are many things we don’t know about ourselves until we are placed into those circumstances. Some people never want to leave or progress further and some people take it for what is, no matter how tough it is, no matter how draining it is, they battle with their heart and soul to change the situation they are in. Change is going to happen, no matter what your life may look like so when you change, change to overcome situations easier, to be happier, to get to a better place. You are not static, to be in one place, to be in one mind set and to be upset about life’s trials. Overcome and progress. Nothing in life is difficult, it’s just how we shape our attitude when difficulties arise. Everything given has been given by the will of Allah and will always be, especially the strength we possess to overcome whatever it may be. Don’t doubt your ability nor doubt the strength of prayer either. Change always for the better, to improve your life not to go back to the life that held you back or that made you stay in a state of mind that doubted your strength.

It Is Within You

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I’ve noticed one thing over the years that no matter who has come to me for advice, I always seem to help others overcome obstacles in their life. Whether it is confidence, self acceptance, heart breaks, breaking mental barriers, whatever it is. I always seem to help them break through these things and allow them to see their worth, their skills, how much and how far they’ve buried themselves in doubt and fear. How much of their lives are wasted by just sitting in the shadows of doubt and fear. In the shadows of procrastinating over things which do not exist but only temporarily exist because they’ve allowed all of these doubts and fears to exist. It wasn’t me that did anything for you. It was yourself who overcame your fears and doubts. All I did was encourage you to see the person you really are and the person you can be. That is all you have to do on a day to day basis is encourage yourself and see your worth. If you can do that. If you see that within yourself, you would laugh at all the problems you thought you had. Problems only exist in a realm which you created along with your doubts, your fears and procrastination. They never existed before so don’t allow them to exist now. Fear Allah SWT and never the creation. Remove your doubts by having tawakul, trust, reliance in Allah SWT and your procrastination needs to be replaced with confidence and belief you are able to do whatever is you put your mind to. Whatever is you want to do or be , be dedicated and the return is with Allah SWT. Do, believe and you will receive InshaAllah. You are able to overcome and live a better life but the question is, do you want to? Start today….

If you need advice, encouragement or need someone to talk to, feel free to ask.

Words Can Make You Or Break You

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A lot of people don’t seem to understand that their words can shape a person. Words can shape a persons thoughts and actions. Words can shape a persons intelligence and words can shape a persons mental attitude. In many situations, a lot of people seem to want to criticize or either compare people to other people, who have been able to accomplish many things in their life. In many situations, the comparison becomes so burdensome to the person on the receiving end, they mentally drain themselves and want to give up, while building their goals and striving to be what they’ve always wanted to be.

It seems as if, people would rather negate everything the person is aiming to achieve and automatically want that person or child to achieve right than and there. They constantly sit there and criticize you, while not even asking you or seeing what you’ve already accomplished or what skills you possess. No parent or person wants to see their friend or child suffering from any type of anguish or burden. Everyone wants someone to achieve in some way or another. Instead, what we have here is a home or a circle filled with comparisons that are never ending. A home or a circle filled with people constantly criticizing you when you aren’t doing something good. They never want to see what good you’ve done but rather, only want to discourage you. In their mind, they see it as reverse psychology. If I say “you will not amount to nothing in your life” my child or friend will want to prove me wrong.

It doesn’t work like that in all cases. Not everyone is built with a mind, a fire inside of them, that is fuelled by the negative criticism. Some people are able to take that negative criticism and prove others wrong. You know the feeling when you actually do, HAHA! I PROVED YOU WRONG! Not everyone is built this way. Even people who say, I constantly proved people wrong all my life had someone, a belief, a torch, a sense of encouragement from someone who is close to them. Possibly a parent, a sibling or a friend.

While it seems in many homes, we have parents who use this type of reverse psychology to push their child in a direction they want to see them going in. They tell them, “you won’t amount to nothing. You should see your friend, they are planning on becoming doctors or lawyers. Imagine how much money they’ll make. What are you going to do besides sitting out on the porch and doing nothing?” Parents along the way have formed this belief, If I say these type of things to my child it will encourage them to be better and accomplish something along the way, they’ll want to prove me wrong.

Children, teenagers, adults and even married couples need to be constantly encouraged and told what that they are doing is good. They need to be constantly told, what they have done is a good job. There is obviously a time when you do want to be critical and give the right advice to fix the errors that they have built but to be told, you haven’t done well or it sucks, it undermines the persons self-achievement. Some parents are so harsh on their children, they expect their children to surpass even them in what they have accomplished. They want their child to constantly bring in A’s and nothing less. If it is something less, they are criticized for it and not told well done, you’ve done a great job. You are your child’s cheerleader. Not your child’s enemy. Your child comes to you, so you can congratulate them on what they’ve felt is an accomplishment. If you see your child come to you with a smile on their face and hand something to you, take some time out of what you are doing and pay attention to them. You should feel proud and happy, that your child wants to share it with you and no one else.

What you say to your child in those critical moments, will possibly shape your child’s mind and way of thinking. Being too harsh, will discourage them from showing their achievements and will possibly make them have a low-self esteem. Being too easy on them and sugar coating what they’ve done, will possibly make them lazy. Your child needs to be encouraged and motivated from you, the parents themselves. You’ve brought your child into this world and raised them. They look up to you for every single thing in their lives, so for you sit there and criticize them and put them down, is not making their future better or their tomorrow better. They want hear you say, good job, keep trying, you’ve done well. These moments are critical and they will help encourage your child to carry themselves with a positive attitude and confidence because they know, they have their parents  they can turn to, to boost them in their life. Look for in your child a skill they possess and constantly encourage them and tell them, this skill they have is great, is wonderful and you are amazing at it. It will light a way for your child to be something from those encouraging words, not those skills.

The same can be said for married couples. If the wife has cooked for you, cleaned for you, made the house look nice, you want to say good words to her. She doesn’t want you to come home and criticize her because she decided to put a glass vase in a different corner. She put that glass vase in that corner because it was appealing to her. Out of everything she has done, you chose to criticize her, instead of saying thank you or the food is good or the house looks nice. Women that are married, same can be said to you. Your husband may have worked all day, bought some groceries in, out of everything he has done in those hours, you choose to criticize him for something so minuscule. Don’t do that because it is not needed. Your wife may feel discouraged or not appreciated when she does things and may not do it the same way anymore with the same love and passion or your husband may feel the same way because he knows, he will be criticized either way.

Your words can either make or break a person. Can either make or break a relationship. It is absolutely fundamental, that we as people constantly encourage people around us, so they can see the potential in themselves, to be better people, to build a better future, to build a better community. We need to encourage, instead of constantly criticize and be compared. The next time you see someone who has done good in their life, accomplished something, say something good that they will cherish and it will build a bridge for them, that lights a way for a future that is build upon those words.

The Unmarried: Why Women Hesitate On Getting Married

Im really into psychology and philosophy and just studying the actions of others. How people react, why they react a certain way. Their body language and all that. I love it! I think it’s extremely interesting, which is one of the reasons why I enjoy helping others and giving advice. I read this book a few years ago by Theodore Reik who was physcoanalyst. I came across quite a lot of interesting things in that book and one of them was, why women hesitate on getting married. From everything I’ve learned, from all my experiences in this 25 years of life of mine, I agree with what he has written.

Theodore Reik in his book says

You have to live with yourself at least reasonably well before you are able to live with a mate. There must be a certain self-esteem before you can expect that other people will value you highly. A woman is often in danger of depending entirely upon the opinion of the man with whom she is in love with. Nobody should be dependent to such an extent upon another’s opinion of him. Men take women according to their self-evaluation. A woman who does not consider herself worthwhile is not worth a man’s while. You can only accept love when you are sure you have something to give. Women are unconsciously aware of this. They know that they do not appear attractive when they do not like themselves – and it needs courage to be oneself. On the other hand the feeling being loved increases a woman’s self-esteem. She does not need a man because she wants someone to love but because she needs to be needed, wants to be loved. Women want to be proud of their men because they represent for them an extension of their own personality. On the other hand, women often reject a man because they think they cannot live up to the man’s idea or ideal of them.

Modern women’s deflated idea about their own sex leads not only to their over-appreciation of the male as a sex but, sometimes, by a strange detour, to contempt of the particular male who appears as a suitor. It as if he cannot be worth much if he considers a woman so highly. Not to be satisfied with one’s own sex – that is the tragedy of many young women, the more tragic because the situation cannot be changed. Hated of men is an expression of inferiority feeling in women. It is the result of a displacement of self-dislike by dislike of the other sex. Another badge of women’s insecurity is the excessive emphasis on appearance, the exaggeration of the value of good looks, of dress, of adornment, in our culture pattern. It would seem as if, in the mind of women, beauty is the only attraction which appeals to men and as if charm, kindness, grace, intuition and delicacy of feeling were of no avail. Women are admired for beauty, it is true, but rarely married for it. How often we see that men prefer girls with other qualities than their conspicuously beautiful sisters. Many women consider themselves not beautiful and are over-aware of certain physical shortcomings which appear to be fatal. Conspicuous beauty is a curse. The most beautiful women do not arouse on the third day the same admiration on the first; it seems that their beauty prevents, in some way or other, the process of crystallization. Stendhal said: “The more generally one is admired, the more feeling is the admiration.” Women who are not beautiful but have the attraction called “charm” make an impression which is not as intense, perhaps, but more profound and longer lasting. Many a woman is ridden by a superstition that it is wrong to show a man she cares for him. There is an unconscious or conscious fear that as soon as men are shown affection they desert. But extreme restraint causes many women to lose their naturalness and spontaneity with men. They fear that the man will not stay with her when she dares to be herself haunts too many mistaken girls. He would, she thinks, wake up as from a dream and find out that she is mediocre, dull, insignificant. he would realize “how stupid and small I really am.” He would, she thinks, lose respect for her because he would recognize that she has nothing special to offer – and go off in search of a more attractive girl. The fear of being found out later on-or found wanting-is experienced by many women, but an assumed front of overconfidence and self-assurance is a poor cover for a frail ego. The fear concerns almost all qualities, physical and mental, and prevents women from being themselves in the company of men whom they want to attract. Often such woman gets panicky when she becomes aware of her real or imaginary shortcomings. She thinks, then, that her social charm is a miserable substitute for a real warm, her conversation shallow, her personality superficial and insignificant. She fears that the man will laugh at her or lose interest when he discovers she is “a failure as a woman.” “I am not pretty and I am not intelligent. I am afraid to talk about serious matters with him because I would expose myself and be would find out that I am an impostor. A false front is the best I can put up.” There is the hope that the man will love her not on the account of herself but in the spite of herself. She feels that she is not good enough for him and that she ends her pathetic confession with the words, “I have no redeeming feature to my name.” Such a self-abasement of course makes a defense necessary. The will to fail, especially in their relation with men- to destroy their own chances and to become frustrated-is evident in many women in our civilization. Self-doubt in a womans displacement to the man are not only his qualities devaluated. She begins to doubt her love for him. She questions whether she can be happy with the man who wants to marry her. She criticizes his manners and character, finds faults with him in other ways and ask herself whether she really cares for him. Often enough, haunted by uncertainty about the genuine character of her own affection, she begins to test it and subjects the man to subtle mental torture. She withdraws suddenly and seems possessed with all kinds of scruples and hesitations. Of course, there many cases in which doubt regarding the man is justified, but every experienced psychoanalyst can spot an excessive doubt. In one of my cases the unconscious projection became especially clear. A young girl began suddenly to question whether the man to whom she was engaged would b too old for her, whether she would be bored, whether she could remain faithful to him, whether he could compete with other men, and so and and on and on. In a short time, while we analyzed the nature of these doubts, they change their direction: she began now to ask herself whether she was not too immature for the man, whether she had enough interesting things to say to him, whether he would not prefer other girls to her later on. She was afraid she would endanger her independence. Analysis revealed that this girl was justifiably afraid of her own possessiveness, of tendencies in herself to restrict the free decisions and movements of the man. The person who is very afraid of a danger which she wants to avoid becomes so frantic that she does just what she is most afraid to do.