Be In Control

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Never allow any individual to have power over you. Unless they created you and they move your limbs for you, they do not have power over you. Every individual is limited to how much power they have over you and that limit increases by how much power you give them by placing them significantly in your life. The more you rely on them for things, the more power you give them. The less you rely on them, the less power they have. Never become too reliant on people, so they are powerless on your ability to be happy or sad. Never place your happiness or sadness inside of people but keep the ability within yourself. If they are able to control your happiness or sadness, they have too much power over you, which you have given them.

You possess the strength, you possess the power. They do not. You are in control of who you are, they are not. You are in control of your daily actions, they are not. They do not move any part of your body for you, except when you agree to it, so know who is in control of the physical being, the reflection in the mirror and make sure it is you that is standing alone in the mirror without a reflection of any other individual.

Allah SWT has given us choices, so make power moves to move the insignificant figures in your life who seem to control every aspect of it by draining the life out of you and wanting to destroy it. Learn the power of distance and the learn the power of being the smaller individual in their eyes by taking the first step in forgiveness and distance, which will make you the bigger individual who has put ego aside. Be in control of the situations that have no power over you, when you in fact have the power to make the right decisions, that will lead you to a better place and having total control of the most important person. That is YOU!

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Substituting Your Thoughts

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The mind can only carry one thought at a time. Whether that thought you are thinking of is negative or positive, you choose it. So whenever you come across a negative thought, you will substitute that thought with something positive in order for you to reinforce and reiterate the positive thought to wash the negative thought away. If you choose the negative thought, you will more than likely carry this as a burden which eventually cause a break down in your happiness and well being. Would you rather have a garden full of flowers or weeds? The weeds represent the negative thoughts and the flowers represent your positive thoughts. The weeds are destructive to the garden, just as a negative thought is destructive to the mind and the flowers are beautiful for the garden, just as a positive thought is beautiful for the mind. It is always encouraged to substitute your negative thoughts with your positive thoughts, as this will enable you to be happy and lead you to a more successful lifestyle.

What Inspires Me To Be Positive?

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To be honest with you I really dislike having a negative state of mind. I always want to push in a direction which is more fitting for the mind, the body and the soul. I’ve also been through things in my life alhumduliah, which has allowed me to be a certain way, to be the person I am.  You know, things happen in your life and you can either stay the way you are, bitter, sad, depressed, worrying about what has gone and was not ever meant to be or you can move on and be with what is meant to be and know that Allah is controller of the affairs. When you become upset about things that aren’t in your control, because in reality, we do have choices in our lives but you also have a choice to progress with what you go through.  Some people don’t do nothing with their experiences, they stay in them believing everything that has happened was to harm them and people are only out to get them. People are not really in that sense. Many come as lessons to teach you about yourself and the character, the person you really are.  Some are there to test your patience, every aspect of it. Some are there to test your eman (faith) and would you be willing to sell yourself to the shaytan and doubt everything Allah has created,  so I never think that way, never negative. Allah has created us as very intelligent individuals and it is sad to see that we don’t see ourselves that way. We always look for others to reassure our skills and abilities. We always look for acceptance. Who is willing to accept me and my ability? My beauty? My car? My job? When all these things have been a gift to you but you have not yet discovered it and I do believe, we as people waste our potential on petty things. When you teach one person, you teach the masses. That person learns from you and teaches someone else, whether they consciously know it or not. It’s like a mother and the children. The mother, the parent, is one and the children are many but so many lessons are being taught from that single form of creation, which Allah has blessed with intelligence and experience. I’ve always wanted to be a writer and it’s has been the best form of expression for me. It has helped me a lot whenever I went through things. What you notice is people look at the results,  the instant results. What can I get instantly? But the long term effects are the results you really need. It’s like having a vegetable garden to feed your family and you want it to grow so quickly as soon as you plant those seeds but through the months or years or whatever it may be, it feeds more than just 1 family cause there are enough in that garden to go around. Those are results that matter. Of course, short term results are satisfying but if you always got them, what would be the point of even working your butt off? What would the point of always trying to challenge yourself? If the results came instantly, we would never see the potential we have. We would never grow or develop a solid experience from the struggles and hardships. I know many people will not agree with everything I’ve written or said whether in this piece or many other pieces. Some people may think I’ve lost my mind and some people will agree but that is the matter of your opinion. I am only here to share ideas, experiences, here to help you to be, as one of the people who inspire me says “the strongest version of yourselves.” This is what inspires me to be positive. Life is short and you’ve always been blessed compared to someone else. Someone below you, so why not be positive? What don’t you have? If you are alive today, reading this, doing many things, then you have no reason to have a negative state of mind no matter what has happened in your life thus far. Im sure the people who are dead, would agree with me because they no longer have a chance to taste, touch, feel, see while you do. Be positive, smile, it fixes the heart and makes it beat a bit slower and slows you down from thinking negatively.

Constantly Changing

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We are constantly changing who we are on a day to day basis. No matter the little things you do, the things you learn, they are helping you change into the person you will become. Some people when going through changes, they take everything life has thrown at them and sit in a dark place. They sit in this dark place, concentrating on life’s sorrows which were intended to make them stronger. Depression doesn’t make you weak. It helps strengthen your mind to overcome life’s trials. They are there to help you progress in a way that is unimaginable. There are many things we don’t know about ourselves until we are placed into those circumstances. Some people never want to leave or progress further and some people take it for what is, no matter how tough it is, no matter how draining it is, they battle with their heart and soul to change the situation they are in. Change is going to happen, no matter what your life may look like so when you change, change to overcome situations easier, to be happier, to get to a better place. You are not static, to be in one place, to be in one mind set and to be upset about life’s trials. Overcome and progress. Nothing in life is difficult, it’s just how we shape our attitude when difficulties arise. Everything given has been given by the will of Allah and will always be, especially the strength we possess to overcome whatever it may be. Don’t doubt your ability nor doubt the strength of prayer either. Change always for the better, to improve your life not to go back to the life that held you back or that made you stay in a state of mind that doubted your strength.

Solutions For A Heartbreak

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You’ve recently come out of a relationship with a person whom you thought your life was set with. You had all types of dreams. All types of conversations about getting married, living together, having kids and being husband and wife. You two had spent quite a lot of your time together. Being in a relationship which made you two feel spectacular together. Inseparable! Your friends knew about the two of you and they could only compliment your relationship and how fantastic it was. Life takes its own twist and turns and the relationship is no more.

Your heart is broken. Your pillow is wet. You are having sleepless nights and looking for ways to either get back together or look for ways to get over that individual. No matter what you’ve done through the weeks or months that have passed, you’ve been in a slump. Feeling blah and out of character because this individual, this person you loved so much, is no longer apart of your life. You’ve tried various methods on how to get over this person and NOTHING seems to work.

I will list several ways on how to get over this individual and why you can’t get over this individual, insha’Allah.

Why You Can’t Get Over Them?

1. Your expectations of being together were held way too high. As you know, life is unpredictable. Today you are healthy, tomorrow morning you are feeling sick with a high fever. Coughing, vomiting, thinking yesterday I was just fine, what happened to me today? When holding such high expectations of things you can only dream about coming true, eventually when it doesn’t you are in for a huge disappointment. This is how life can be at times. Unpredictable. You’ve held such high expectations of things coming true, when it didn’t, your life came crashing down like a building that has just been demolished or jenga. You want to NEVER hold anyone or anything to such high expectations that when it doesn’t go your way, your life goes away with it too. You are only capable of doing and giving what you are able to. After that, whatever comes is not in your hands and never has been. Hold people in a balanced position, when and if things don’t go as you’ve hoped or planned, your soul, your heart is not going with those expectations that have crumbled.

2. You feel you’ll never find a person like them. The point in the heart break where the thought races through your head, “I will never find someone like that ever again! I will never be loved the way they loved me! I will be lonely for life! No one will love me again!” You’ve held this person in your life to such a high plateau that everything has revolved around them. The way they loved you, the way they cared for you and the way they were so attentive to your needs. Now that they are gone, you feel no one can ever come close to that again. This is where you’ve held a person, a creation, to expectations which are unreal, not fit for anyone but all of us are capable of loving, caring and being attentive to one another. Instead you hold onto a firm belief, that no one will love you like them and you’ll never find someone like that ever again. This is where you are wrong. You don’t know if that person was right for you. You two may have gotten along but perhaps along the way, something may have happened which would have worsened the relationship  to the point where it was much more destructive than just a break up. Your life doesn’t end with just this individual and your heart and soul does not belong to them. Your heart and soul belongs to you and Allah SWT, your creator. There WILL be someone better than that individual and there will be someone that will come into your life who is a much more improved individual than that person was.

How To Get Over The Individual

1. Know that this individual never belonged to you in the first place and that Allah SWT, your creator had planned someone better all along. You need to firmly believe this because this is the decree of Allah SWT. As this thought will enable you to think positively about the future and what is to come into your life for the betterment of your life.

2. Cut off all communication you have with this individual. After a relationship ends, we tend to hold onto that person, wanting that person back in our lives, so we continue to speak to them, hoping things workout again. The fact of the matter is, if it was to workout, it would have but it didn’t. This is good for your life. It helped you avoid certain situations which again, could have been destructive in the future. Perhaps your eman (faith) would not improve. Perhaps the relationship would have led to the hell fire and Allah SWT had protected both of you from it. Cut all ties with this individual. Text messages, phone calls, block and delete from social networks. Do not spy on them. Delete pictures, old memories, take a deep breath and believe things will be better, insha’Allah. If the individual does decide to come back, you have to consider EVERYTHING that has happened in the relationship and if they are not serious about getting married and just want a relationship, you have to remind the person, we have something here which could be long term and you two were probably long term so come to my wali (guardian) and lets get married. If marriage is not what they want, then believe, marriage is something they’ve never wanted in the first place. Move on with your life and insha’Allah, you’ll be with someone who will commit their life to you with the right intentions.

3. Be around positive people. No matter what types of problems you have in your life, when you are around people who are happy, have a connection with Allah SWT, you will more than likely have that same feeling. You are what your friends are. If your friends cuss, you will likely cuss. If you friends are happy, always in a good mood, that will pass on to you. This will allow your mind to get off of so many things that weren’t meant to be and be around people who are meant to be in your life for a reason. Cherish them. These people are long term and will more than likely be around even after you’ve married the person Allah SWT has set aside for you.

4. Seek forgiveness with Allah SWT. Know that your relationship was haram (forbidden) and you need to make sincere repentance from being in a relationship with a non-mahram. This individual was not your spouse and everything you’ve done while being together was sinful. Allah SWT is Al-Gaffur (The Forgiving) so ask. This is my favourite hadith, I love it because it shows how reassuring and how forgiving Allah SWT is. How merciful He is.

The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Allaah, Blessed and Exalted is He, says, ‘O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshipping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.” [Tirmidhi]

5. Be patient through your heart break and learn from this. Do not become bitter nor become overly depressed as this was out of your control. This individual was not meant for you from the very beginning of your life. Was never written but someone else is. Smile as often as you can and keep your head high. You are wasting your precious life, your tears, starving yourself because of a person that was not meant to be. Your life is worth more. Your body is worth more. You deserve happiness and happiness was not destined with this individual. Allah SWT had protected you from so much and you need to thank Allah SWT for it. The person that enters your life next, do not judge them based on this relationship or past relationships assuming things will go the same way. You do not know the outcome nor do you know their intentions. Be cautious but also be optimistic and positive that insha’Allah this person is the one. Take the right measures in getting to know this individual, so your heart and soul does not become attached and when they leave, the attachment, does not belong to them, it belongs to you. Be balanced and always, always, thank Allah SWT for everything.

Insha’Allah, this helps. If you have any questions or you are going through something like this and you need advice, feel free to contact me. My email is mshabazz33@gmail.com

Also read: https://mshabazz33.wordpress.com/2014/02/18/advice-regarding-your-post-on-solutions-for-a-heartbreak/