Masking Your Insecurities

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Wearing make up to mask your insecurities will not mask what you have hidden deep inside. Learn to be confident about yourself and learn that beauty is not defined by the exterior of a person. At the end of the night, that make up is washed off but your insecurities are still there, what have you solved? Learn to see the beauty within yourself and know that Allah SWT has created you beautifully in a unique way. You are blessed. You are attractive and you have what others wish they have in the physical or your characteristic traits but they don’t tell you. Say you are beautiful and believe you are beautiful and nothing less. Battle your insecurities, don’t mask them.

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I am “unattractive”

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There are no “unattractive” people in the world. Each person’s attractions are different and the only thing that can make a person unattractive is having the belief you are unattractive. As long as you hold onto the belief you are “unattractive” the more you’ll come to acceptance of this false belief, which in turn, turns into the truth only to you but nobody else. The thought often stems from a person not liking us, our physical selves but this does not mean you are unattractive, this just means their taste are different than yours. A person may find purple clothes attractive or whatever it may be but you may not and this is due to us being born with personal preferences. Your “unattractive” self may be attractive to others and you don’t even know but since you hold onto that belief, hold yourself with little confidence, it follows you every where. You are more attractive than you think so believe that and accept it. Just because one or few find you “unattractive” doesn’t mean it is a fact, it’s a personal choice based on personal preference. Hold yourself with confidence and others will hold you to that level. Also, no one else can have the power to tell you are unattractive unless you’ve accepted it already. Only thing that may make a person unattractive is their personality and even that is a personal preference.

What Is It That You Look For?

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If you can capture someone with your personality why the need to show off your physical beauty? Is it the confidence that you lack, that you would rather live off of compliments or is your character not enough, that you have to prove to others that your physical beauty should be more than enough? Is it respect you look for or do compliments hold more weight than respect? Well, if it is respect you‘re looking for, why does it have to be earned through showing off your physical beauty? Now, if it is compliments you’re looking for, again why does it have to inflate your self worth, if you know what you are worth? Compliments about your physical beauty, hold as little weight as possible because everyone is just seeing the external. While respect is earned through your character, that is the internal part of you. When someone is able to accept the internal part of you, the external will automatically come.

As long as you feel your external is worth more than your internal, you will be constantly attracting the wrong type of individuals in your life who look and feel only your external. While your internal is as beautiful and powerful as your external, only for it to be forgotten because your external is held at such a high place in their eyes, they would rather forget what you really are in the internal.

Only you can change the view of others by seeking inside yourself, knowing your self worth. When you do realize, it’s not only about the external image but it’s the internal that lasts you a life time and evolves as you evolve but your external image fades as you age.

Feeling Beautiful In The Hijab

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As you struggle with the temptations and how everyone will perceive you, you will constantly be reminded by the voice in your head or by people, you will not look beautiful in your hijab. If you cover yourself like every other Muslim woman or women who feel they shouldn’t show off their body, you will be viewed as someone who is not confident in themselves. There must be some imperfections in her, that she feels embarrassed to show, which is why she is covering herself. Often women say, “I am not ready to wear the hijab because I am not a good enough Muslim yet. I still want to do things before I commit to the hijab. Hijab is a commitment and I am not ready for that type of commitment. If I am to do things with the hijab on, it’s a big responsibility and I don’t want to be looked at as a bad muslim.”

The shaytaan will always whisper these things to you as you come closer to Allah SWT. He will remind you that your actions in front of others are going to be judged if you do something in public with the hijab on. Or don’t wear the hijab now, first become a better Muslim and then over time, wear the hijab. You don’t know when life will end, so why would you intend on waiting for tomorrow, when tomorrow is not promised?

Remember sisters, your beauty shouldn’t and cannot be defined by anyone other than Allah SWT. Allah SWT looks at believers heart, deeds, actions and not what society perceives you by. Society will always perceive what is not the norm to be abnormal. Never lower your beauty in perspective to what everyone else thinks because what everyone else thinks is always going to be nothing more than an opinion. Society will constantly come with trends to follow or you will be labelled as old school or not keeping up with the times. “It’s the future! Hijab was Prophets time.”

Never allow these things to make you lower your standards or how you will be perceived by others. Others will never be able to define your beauty, unless you allow them to define your beauty. Allah SWT has created everything beautifully and everything perfect. The reflection in the mirror is perfect because Allah SWT has created it that way. Once you allow yourself to believe you were created ugly or created with imperfections in the physical, you will remind yourself of how displeased you are with how you look, with how others will look at you and then either accept you or not accept you.

Don’t worry about that. First learn to accept yourself. If you are able to accept yourself, no one else will tell you whether you are acceptable in the physical form you are now or not. This does not mean, be careless with your health because your body has a right over your too but be confident in how you look. If there is something about yourself that you dislike do not just become depressed but look for ways through Allah SWT to correct it and then find the proper means to correct it. This is why, your body also has a right over you too. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) once asked a companion: “(Is it true) that you fast all day and stand in prayer all night?” The companion replied that the report was indeed true. The Prophet then said: “Do not do that! Observe the fast sometimes and also leave (it) at other times. Stand up for prayer at night and also sleep at night. Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you and your wife has a right over you.” – Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 7, Hadith 127

Sisters, never despair because Allah SWT has created everything through His wisdom and His knowledge. Be confident and keep your head high. You do look beautiful in your hijab, even if others tell you you are covering your beauty. Remember the beauty of a flower is covered before it is uncovered to the world. When a flower is growing, it comes through the dirt first, grows and then through time it uncovers itself. This is how you must view yourself. Through time and through the right person, meaning your husband who will appreciate your beauty.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

mshabazz33@gmail.com

“Is It Because Im Black?”

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This year, I’ve been going through a lot in my life but Alhumdulilah, I do my best to stay in the best of spirits. As you can see from my writing, the title of my blog, “Think & Be Positive.” I like to write things about positivity, motivation because that is the type of person I am, Alhumdulilah. A positive individual. I write things that will help insha’Allah others to be better or go through the situations in their life with positivity in mind.

I’ve been asked a few times by women if I am interested in them and due to the situations in my life I like to stay out of them and just have my own space. Im the type of person who really enjoys talking to everyone I come across. No matter who it is. How old that person is. I am just a really friendly, funny and down to earth to person. Lately, women have approached and I’ve kindly declined that Im not interested. The odd thing is, if it is a coloured woman, a black woman, they would automatically assume or ask “is it because Im black?” I find this hilarious.

Skin colour has never mattered to me, EVER. I don’t care if the person is as blue as Violet Beauregard. Sometimes people need to put down their insecurities and stop thinking everything has to do with skin colour. Not every person is the same. Just because dudes in the past may have turned you down due to your skin colour, does not mean, every guy will. You need to stop being insecure about yourself. Be confident about the qualities you have. Be confident about the way you look. If a person turns you down, it may be for several reasons or several things that person may be going through. Don’t automatically assume it is because of your skin colour. If a person wants to be with you, they’ll want to be with you no matter what it is. No matter what occupation you have. No matter what kind of car you drive or you don’t have a car. Skin colour is just honestly a BS scapegoat in saying, you are not the person for me or Im too much of a wuss and I care too much what others think.

Islam doesn’t teach you about being with someone for their skin colour, their riches, reputation, kings or queens. Islam teaches to be with people with whose character is the best. Who is best in religion. Why does Islam say this? Because character is GOLD. Piety is riches. If you have someone that has good character, it’ll be good for you and it’ll be good for your kids. If you have someone who is best in religion, pious, it’ll be good for you and it’ll be good for your kids.

Don’t always look at things from the deep end and don’t be shallow, thinking about the colour of your skin or your beauty or whatever it may be when things don’t workout. Allah SWT knows best. Just be happy with what comes your way and be optimistic of what will come your way. Hope for the best and think positively.

Words Can Make You Or Break You

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A lot of people don’t seem to understand that their words can shape a person. Words can shape a persons thoughts and actions. Words can shape a persons intelligence and words can shape a persons mental attitude. In many situations, a lot of people seem to want to criticize or either compare people to other people, who have been able to accomplish many things in their life. In many situations, the comparison becomes so burdensome to the person on the receiving end, they mentally drain themselves and want to give up, while building their goals and striving to be what they’ve always wanted to be.

It seems as if, people would rather negate everything the person is aiming to achieve and automatically want that person or child to achieve right than and there. They constantly sit there and criticize you, while not even asking you or seeing what you’ve already accomplished or what skills you possess. No parent or person wants to see their friend or child suffering from any type of anguish or burden. Everyone wants someone to achieve in some way or another. Instead, what we have here is a home or a circle filled with comparisons that are never ending. A home or a circle filled with people constantly criticizing you when you aren’t doing something good. They never want to see what good you’ve done but rather, only want to discourage you. In their mind, they see it as reverse psychology. If I say “you will not amount to nothing in your life” my child or friend will want to prove me wrong.

It doesn’t work like that in all cases. Not everyone is built with a mind, a fire inside of them, that is fuelled by the negative criticism. Some people are able to take that negative criticism and prove others wrong. You know the feeling when you actually do, HAHA! I PROVED YOU WRONG! Not everyone is built this way. Even people who say, I constantly proved people wrong all my life had someone, a belief, a torch, a sense of encouragement from someone who is close to them. Possibly a parent, a sibling or a friend.

While it seems in many homes, we have parents who use this type of reverse psychology to push their child in a direction they want to see them going in. They tell them, “you won’t amount to nothing. You should see your friend, they are planning on becoming doctors or lawyers. Imagine how much money they’ll make. What are you going to do besides sitting out on the porch and doing nothing?” Parents along the way have formed this belief, If I say these type of things to my child it will encourage them to be better and accomplish something along the way, they’ll want to prove me wrong.

Children, teenagers, adults and even married couples need to be constantly encouraged and told what that they are doing is good. They need to be constantly told, what they have done is a good job. There is obviously a time when you do want to be critical and give the right advice to fix the errors that they have built but to be told, you haven’t done well or it sucks, it undermines the persons self-achievement. Some parents are so harsh on their children, they expect their children to surpass even them in what they have accomplished. They want their child to constantly bring in A’s and nothing less. If it is something less, they are criticized for it and not told well done, you’ve done a great job. You are your child’s cheerleader. Not your child’s enemy. Your child comes to you, so you can congratulate them on what they’ve felt is an accomplishment. If you see your child come to you with a smile on their face and hand something to you, take some time out of what you are doing and pay attention to them. You should feel proud and happy, that your child wants to share it with you and no one else.

What you say to your child in those critical moments, will possibly shape your child’s mind and way of thinking. Being too harsh, will discourage them from showing their achievements and will possibly make them have a low-self esteem. Being too easy on them and sugar coating what they’ve done, will possibly make them lazy. Your child needs to be encouraged and motivated from you, the parents themselves. You’ve brought your child into this world and raised them. They look up to you for every single thing in their lives, so for you sit there and criticize them and put them down, is not making their future better or their tomorrow better. They want hear you say, good job, keep trying, you’ve done well. These moments are critical and they will help encourage your child to carry themselves with a positive attitude and confidence because they know, they have their parents  they can turn to, to boost them in their life. Look for in your child a skill they possess and constantly encourage them and tell them, this skill they have is great, is wonderful and you are amazing at it. It will light a way for your child to be something from those encouraging words, not those skills.

The same can be said for married couples. If the wife has cooked for you, cleaned for you, made the house look nice, you want to say good words to her. She doesn’t want you to come home and criticize her because she decided to put a glass vase in a different corner. She put that glass vase in that corner because it was appealing to her. Out of everything she has done, you chose to criticize her, instead of saying thank you or the food is good or the house looks nice. Women that are married, same can be said to you. Your husband may have worked all day, bought some groceries in, out of everything he has done in those hours, you choose to criticize him for something so minuscule. Don’t do that because it is not needed. Your wife may feel discouraged or not appreciated when she does things and may not do it the same way anymore with the same love and passion or your husband may feel the same way because he knows, he will be criticized either way.

Your words can either make or break a person. Can either make or break a relationship. It is absolutely fundamental, that we as people constantly encourage people around us, so they can see the potential in themselves, to be better people, to build a better future, to build a better community. We need to encourage, instead of constantly criticize and be compared. The next time you see someone who has done good in their life, accomplished something, say something good that they will cherish and it will build a bridge for them, that lights a way for a future that is build upon those words.

You Make Who You Are

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Social media has become a tool of acceptance of others, rather than the acceptance of yourself. If you look how big of a role social media plays, you’ll notice, most people are utilizing it for acceptance. This is a dangerous thing because if you don’t accept yourself first, then you’ll constantly rely on the acceptance of others. No matter what others will tell you. How you look. How you dress. What you eat. What they think of you. All this does not matter at the end of the day if YOU cannot accept what you have, what you are, what you are doing. People’s acceptance of you plays a very minor role in our lives but it has become major for other people due to the lack of confidence and a belief in themselves. Your self-esteem, your self belief, the way you perceive yourself shouldn’t depend on others. Those people will disappear. Those people only care for the physical and what you own. Who you are, character, personality, the battles you face, are more valuable than what is shown. Learn to accept yourself because no one is greater than who you’ve become and how you’ve grown into this person. You must learn to accept yourself and be happy with who you are. Do not perceive yourself as ugly, stupid, ignorant, lazy as you what you believe is who you’ll become and you know you are neither. Push aside the acceptance of others, say Alhumdulilah (thanks to Allah) because all things come from Him and Him alone and love and accept who you are. Do not fall into the praise and acceptance of others because it means little. They don’t make who you are, YOU make who you are.