Children, Their Naturalness & How We Lost Ours


When we look at kids, we see how they are not self-conscious of themselves. They don’t care how their hair looks, their nose, the size of their body or anything of that sort. They stay active through out the day, utilizing their bodies as tools or toys to toss around the living room or in the park. They are care free to what others around them are saying. Their level of self-conscious does not exist at such a high level and everything seems to revolve around “fun”, being adventurous and courageous. Eventually, the child grows and that level of self-conscious kicks in. My nose is shaped this way, my body is too skinny or too big, I need to fix or colour my hair. Their youth, courageousness, adventurous selves becomes lost along the way because they’ve developed this self-conscious thinking and the perception of others.

Everything now becomes about perception. What will others think? What will others say if I do a certain thing like this? Will I lose my friends if they think I am weird? This level of thinking never existed as children because what mattered was to please ourselves and nobody else around.

As parents, they are also a building force behind how a child perceives themselves and grows into the best version of themselves or a parent is the destruction force behind their children’s confidence and the ability to tap their own God given talents.

Is it to say, we as adults have lost our way? Lost our own naturalness because pleasing the people is more important in the long term? The short term effects makes us feel great but deep down inside, we know this not genuine and eventually, the feeling fades. We’ve become extremely self-conscious of ourselves that we don’t know at times what is like to be ourselves because we are trying to be everybody else.

The child that was adventurous and brave, becomes entrapped into a society, a way of thinking what will others think, so they close off themselves to being adventurous or brave. The child inside of us becomes caged into a cycle of life based around perception. What is beautiful and what is not? What is rich and what is poor? What fashionable and what is not? As Islam teaches, it is about piety, level of connection with Allah SWT.

If we continue to please everyone around us and never please ourselves, when will we ever become ourselves? When will we ever see the naturalness we have lost and let it escape? We’ve grown into this wild idea that if others are doing a certain thing this way, then it must be correct but as children, we always found a different way. We always invented new things to explore or create. Now, we don’t even think on that level because we have become too busy with things that matter more to others than it matters to us. We’ve surrounded ourselves, our brains to be exact in other peoples ideas or minds. Not to be selfish of course because there is no need to be selfish but the need to be constantly self-conscious in a way that all we think about is the perception of others or how we will fit in.

Parents who are reading or uncles or aunts who have nieces or nephews and parents that are expecting, groom your child into the best version of themselves by allowing them to be natural. Helping them tap their God given abilities and never let them lose their naturalness as we have. Just look at a child in any room and how the only thing matters is happiness of themselves, while we are so worried about the happiness of others and what others will think. There is nothing wrong with having a level of self-consciousness because we will be questioned about our health and our actions but concentrate on being you. It’s important to be yourself and to please yourself more than it is to constantly please other people, while we drown in misery attempting to please them. Most importantly, pleasing Allah SWT matters more than anything in the world. Be you. Don’t worry what others think. Have fun. As long as it is permissible in Islam, then do it and love it!


First Child? Can’t Sleep? AHHHHHH!!! I CANT TAKE IT!!

Your baby is almost here, you are excited! You cannot wait to see the birth of your child. You are anticipating the birth of your child everyday! From the first day you heard the news, till the month of predicted arrival. You cannot wait till you finally see your child! You just want your baby to be healthy and you imagine everything you will do with your child when it grows up. From video games, to sports, to dressing it up in the nicest clothes and spending as much time as possible in teaching it the right aqeeda (belief) and many more things, which you had done with your parent(s). Then your child arrives and alhumdulilah (thanks to Allah) it is healthy and your eyes fill with tears. I’ve seen men break down in tears as soon as they hear the news his child is born. You and your wife are the most happiest couple alive! Then it begins.

The sleepless nights. Waking up to a childs cry in the middle night disturbing your sleep, your sleeping pattern all over the place, feeling extremely tired through out the day, will all be new to you. You have lived a life before this in comfort. Sleeping well, being able to freely do whatever you please, even with your spouse. Then that child came into your life and completely forced you out of that comfort zone. You no longer sleep the way you do, you no longer are able to do what you were able to do because your responsibilities have just been tacked on with something new, which is this child.

Being able to work only after a few hours of a sleep for the one who provides, which is likely the husband will be tough on him, especially being disturbed while he needs his rest after a hard and long day of work. He will definitely feel cranky through out the day and will feel like he is already doing enough as it is. He is providing for the family and then waking up to take care of the child as well. It will definitely feel tough on him and he will feel as if he is not being appreciated for all the things he is doing.

On other hand, the wife who has just given birth to the child is with the child through out the day. Constantly taking care of the child and giving the attention and care it needs. The wife is tired, stressed and also introduced to a new life and thrown out of her comfort zone. Whatever she may have been doing before the birth of that child or years prior to that, is no longer priority as the child is priority now. She is also waking up through the out night and giving the child the attention and care it needs. It also tough on her and she may also feel what she is doing and how much her body has sacrificed, is not being appreciated and supported by her husband.

Both individuals need to understand that this life is completely new to each other. Life with a baby is definitely tough as I have seen and still continue to watch my eldest sister and her husband raise their 3 sons with great attention and care, alhumdulilah (thanks to Allah). The husband cannot push all the responsibilities of that child onto his wife and expect her to take care of that child, as you two after being married are responsible for one another and it took both of you to create that child. The wife cannot expect the husband to work all day and then come home and take care of that child after he is tired because it will cause a great deal of stress in his life. As married couples, you two need to each others support and not make the other responsible for this new life, while the other rest. It is definitely a new adventure and experiences you are diving into.

Your wife is dealing with the pressure of this child, giving it the attention and care it needs. While her body is also adjusting to the birth of the baby and her hormones are still re-arranging themselves. At this time, your wife needs your support more than ever. You have to understand, she is tired and she is also putting as much effort working through out the day and night in making sure the child is being treated with a mothers love and compassion. It is being attended to through out the day and ensuring the baby is getting the right amount of food and care it needs.

Your husband is also dealing with the pressure of this child, giving it the attention and care it needs. While he adjusts his sleeping pattern through out the night, to ensure the child is being taken care of and its needs are being attended to, while he sacrifices his sleep and energy for the work day. The wife also needs to understand, he is also doing the best he can for this new addition into his life.

Both of you need to support one another at this time and be responsible for this child. Your wife will need your words and support and you will need to constantly encourage her on how much she is doing a great job on raising the child. Your husband will also need the same kind of words and encouragement to encourage him, he is doing the best he can as well. Take time through the day and just speak to one another and see what each other needs. Sometimes, all you need to do is give a helping hand in order to show that support and love, which softens the hearts and makes each other remember that is the Will Of Allah SWT, that you two are here together today and He has blessed you with a beautiful child. Allah SWT says Surah Ar-Rum: “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

Do not allow shaytan to interfere in this new blessing in your life. Do not allow shaytan to make you believe this is a burden and your spouse is not doing their part, as shaytan enjoys it when a husband and wife quarrel. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Iblis places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments (for creating dissension between people); the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: “I did so and so.” And he says: “You have done nothing.” Then one amongst them comes and says: “I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife.” Satan goes near him and says: “You have done well.” He then embraces him”(Sahih Muslim and narrated by Jabir Ibn ‘Abdullah). Do your best to support one another at this time and even after the child has grown. Be patient with one another and be understanding and open to the situations of the other person and not only yourself. As this marriage is not only about your situations and trials but is about your spouse as well and the more you support one another, the more easier things will become.

May Allah SWT make this easy for you and give you two patience and help you raise this new child of yours and help this marriage become even stronger.