It is currently marriage season and many of you know someone within your family or friends getting hitched. It is also probably giving you the urge to find someone as well, who will fulfill half of your deen (religion). We all have had the interventions with our parents whom seem to have found the right prospect for you. You hear he has a good job over and over again. If it’s a female, she can cook and how beautiful she is constantly and they’ll do their best to persuade you to marry them. There is more to marriage than just a good job and someone who can cook. Allah is Ar-Razzaq (the provider) and it is He whom will provide you with the rizq to make things easy for you financially.
As Muslims, our end goal is to meet Allah Subhana wata’ala with good deeds that will benefit us, but what is more beautiful is taking that certain someone along with you on that journey. Allah subhana wata’ala has created us in pairs and each of us has been paired, insha’Allah, with the right individual. As Allah subhana wata’ala says Surah Ar-Rum: “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.” Affection is what we long for and also finding tranquility. We seek calmness in that individual we will spend the rest of our lives with insha’Allah.
We long for a marriage like the Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him) and his wives. How beautiful it is. But, after all the dreaming, we seem to forget to practice it ourselves. Finding a practicing Muslim goes out the window because of the money they make or how beautiful or handsome they are. We think “it’s okay. They will change.” Undermining all the other issues that may come with it because we forget the importance of marrying a practicing Muslim. We look directly at the outer image we are presented with and fall in love directly with that.
In many instances, those who look the part, are likely not acting the part. Meaning, people are so easily fooled because that brother has a beard and wears a thobe, so he must be practicing. Or that sister is wearing hijab and an abaya, so she must be practicing too. We definitely all struggle with practicing Islam. Some people are so good at hiding the fact that they don’t pray at all and end up marrying individuals that are practicing and who do pray. But because of this false image they’ve presented themselves with, we are yet again, fooled. Islamically, an individual who doesn’t pray is a kaffir (disbeliever). The Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him) said: “The difference between a believer and disbeliever is salaah.” [Abu Dawud] The scholars in Islam have also said, being married to an individual who doesn’t pray at all, the marriage becomes invalid. This is how serious it is!
When looking for a practicing Muslim, it is extremely important to look past the image you are presented with and ask questions based around Islam. Also, ask people around the community they are in to get an outsiders opinion. You will probably not marry a scholar or a student of knowledge but if that individual is practicing they’ll know the three categories of tawheed. They’ll know certain verses of the Qur’an. They’ll know certain ahaadith. They’ll know the basics and fundamentals of Islam. A practicing Muslim develops a habit of wanting to learn to improve themselves and follow the correct aqeeda (beliefs) and footsteps of Prophet Muhamamd (peace & blessings be upon him). They’ll have a zeal for knowledge. A practicing Muslim shows good character, good manners, and is not miserly. They know how important the hereafter is, so the decisions they make will be reflected off of whether or not it would please Allah subhana wata’ala. Decisions other individuals make that are displeasing to Allah should not be used as an excuse to follow along.
My brothers and sisters in Islam, a practicing spouse is your ticket to heaven or hell. You eventually develop the habits of the individual you spend majority of your time with. If they don’t pray, more than likely, you’ll start to develop that habit. If they are involved in haraam (forbidden), more than likely you’ll end up being persuaded into thinking it’s okay. This is why it is so important that the individual you marry IS a practicing Muslim already. Some people say, “well, I’ll marry so and so right now and then they’ll end up practicing, Allah will guide them.” The question was asked to Sheikh Ibn Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy upon him) about an individual changing for the better after marriage in which he responded:
“We are not entrusted with what will happen in the future. As for the future, we don’t know about it. It may be that you marry them while desiring Allah will guide them into your hands, however, it may be that they may change your state to what they are upon!.”
It is definitely a scary thought.
When you do consider marriage proposals, look at them for not solely what they are wearing but how are they practicing their Islam? Are they in tune with the commandments of Allah? If they are not, how do you expect them to treat you? Do they commit shirk? Are they following any innovations? A believing Muslim, a practicing Muslim, takes what they have learned from the Qur’an and Sunnah and lives it, they become it, they speak it and walk with it. The way they treat others is based on the Qur’an and Sunnah. Your marriage will either flourish or diminish. You may even have a successful marriage after all, even if you are not practicing but, you will not be successful with Allah subhana wata’ala. Do not get the false perception that if you have lots of money and your marriage is successful but you don’t pray, Allah is happy with you, when it is not true. How can Allah subhana wata’ala be happy with you, if you fail to show appreciation and follow a pillar of Islam?
Remember, my brothers and sisters in Islam, your hereafter is your main goal. If you fail to show it importance, especially during the selection of your spouse, you will not succeed in front of Allah subhana wata’ala because you failed to prepare. Marrying a practicing Muslim is not a joke and it is not something that can happen after you decide to marry. Again, you are not promised or guaranteed they may even change. Wanting change begins with the progress you put forth now. Look for the individual who is working towards the hereafter and is goal driven. Who shows it importance by learning about it from the correct avenues. Who establishes their salaah, pays their zakaat if it’s in their means to, gives charity, and their manners and characteristics are from the beautiful ahaadith. The lifestyle of the Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him) and his companions should be reflected off of this person. If you do this, insha’Allah, you will be successful.
May Allah subhana wata’ala grant us all righteous spouses.