I’ve been married for four years Alhamdulilah and through my marriage I’ve had ups and downs like every marriage but my wife and I didn’t want to be another statistic. Have you heard? New marriages fail within the first six months! Yeah, you read that right. The first six months are the hardest. We all obviously get married to have the longest marriage possible. InshaAllah until the end of our lives. I’ll do my best to give you six ways to have a successful marriage.
1. Putting Allah first
When we first got married, we would pray together, read Quran together, listen to lectures, and read books. During that time, we also didn’t have much. My wife was pregnant with our first child and we were struggling but, we had Allah. We remembered Allah as often as we could and put Him first. Later during our marriage, things started going downhill. We got busy with work and the kids and had more fights than ever before. We sat down and asked ourselves, what is really the issue here? We thought about the times before we had what we had now and what we used to do? We put our lives, our jobs, our kids first and Allah second. We stopped reciting Quran together. We stopped listening to lectures. We stopped praying Salah together and our marriage was going downhill. Eventually we realized, it was our Islam that was lacking and we needed to work on it together. We couldn’t have one practicing more than the other. Islam needed to be our first priority and that was something needed to be done together.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him) said Allah said: Whoever draws close to me by the length of a hand, I will draw close to him by the length of an arm. Whoever draws close to me the by length of an arm, I will draw close to him by the length of a fathom. Whoever comes to me walking, I will come to him running. (Shahih Muslim)
The further we are from Allah the more our marriage gets tested with it. It is a way of Allah telling you to turn back to him in order to be successful.
2. Loving Each Other Differently
We cannot love each other equally. No matter what happens in the relationship, it’ll never happen. What I mean by that is, I’ll love my wife differently and she will love me differently. Our acts of love towards each other is different. My wife had a hard time early on in the marriage as to why I was teasing her and being playful. She didn’t understand that this was my way of showing her love. It’s something that was embedded in me from my parents. She always thought I was a goof and wasn’t being serious but this is how I display love for her. A lot of how we display love and want to receive it is based on our environment. Based on what we believe is an act of love. Some people have parents or role models who give gifts or cook or clean to show appreciation and love to another person. Just because the person isn’t showing you love how you perceive it, doesn’t mean they don’t love you. They do love you, they just show it differently. Speak to your spouse about how you want love to be displayed. What makes you happy so there isn’t a misunderstanding or heartache over how to love one another.
3. Keeping Your Marriage Within Your Home
They say, the less people that know about your life, the better it is and less drama. The more people that know, the more drama. Your married life, your struggles, your fights should stay between you and your significant other. If you get your family involved into every single thing, I promise you, you will have a terrible marriage. The less they know the better it is. The only ever time you want your marriage to leave the walls of your home is when you know it’s falling apart and you are seeking help from a balanced and unbiased individual.
Also do your best to keep it away from social media as people with sick hearts and sick minds want it destroyed.
The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) advised us about the evil eye and how it is real. That could even kill a person. That’s how serious it is.
The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: The evil eye is real and if anything were to overtake the divine decree, it would be the evil eye. (Shahih Muslim)
If you want a successful marriage, keep your marriage within the walls of your home and don’t share things with random people or even people you suspect don’t want good for you.
4. Fulfilling & Respecting The Rights Of Each other
Allah didn’t just decide to give the husband and wife rights over one another for no reason. There was wisdom behind it but because nowadays with the media turning the minds of the people, they feel this is barbaric and from the stones ages. SubhanAllah! There is nothing in Islam that was ever written or told to the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) that was ever going to be harmful to us. Fulfilling the rights of each other and not over stepping boundaries is an act of love and an act of worship which you will be rewarded for. There are men, who do over step the boundaries and they need be fearful of Allah. Your wife has a right over you and Allah does say in the Quran in Surah An-Nisa: “live with them with kindness” (4:19). As you both have given these rights by Allah fulfill to the best of your ability and respect each other. Be kind to one another and be mindful of the words you utter as it may be hurtful and leave scars. Verbal abuse is real and can be damaging. Allah has given each you a trust in marriage, to honor and to live worshiping Allah.
5. Understanding Differences & Communicating
The first six months is the hardest! I won’t even lie because you are learning about each other’s previous habits, lifestyle and cultures. What you do may get on her nerves and there will be a fight for no reason. Understand that both of you came from a different environment where what you thought was normal is now abnormal. This doesn’t mean you are incompatible. It just means there needs to be time to adjust to one another. To communicate previous lifestyles, habits and cultures. Neither of you are attempting to change one another just adapting to the environment and home you are in now. Patience needs to be practiced and communication needs to be key. Communicate to one another the habits and lifestyle you previously had so they can get an understanding of why you do certain things a certain way.
6. Forgiving Each Other & Swallowing Your Pride
Marriage will get hard at times and things will be said that will be hurtful. Both of you won’t talk to one another but deep you know you love each other. You just are confused why that was said to you. It is absolutely important that you over look faults, swallow your pride and reconcile. If you really want to make this work, you will have to be willing to work it out. You have to be willing to accept the faults and move on. This isn’t to say that you need walk over each other because then this will turn into abuse. If absolutely important to be mindful of the tongue and to never put hands on each other no matter how difficult things may get. Learn to move on. Talk things out and addressing the hurt in order to improve the marriage. Nobody said it was going to be easy and movies obviously lied to you. There will days where you will be angry at each other and won’t talk. Have your space but learn to make up and forgive each other.
There could be more but InshaAllah I feel these are the most important ones. These are six ways to have a successful marriage based on my experience. InshaAllah these help you out. If you ever need advice or help, please feel free to reach out to me. I’ll do my best to help InshaAllah.