Looking Beyond The Dowry (mahr)

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Ladies – your dowry is important in Islam as it solidifies the marriage but to take it to an extreme and ask for unreasonable amounts makes you greedy. It is definitely your right to ask for whatever you like and however much you like but did you even consider that all that amount your asking for will be paid for and more through out the lives you two will live together, inshaallah.

That $10,000 dowry will be nothing compared to the amount of money your husband will spend on you several years down the line, unless he is stingy and cheap but Islam doesn’t allow that as he has to spend to provide for you. Don’t take advantage of the dowry. Look forward to the years spent together. Money doesn’t equal love and him having a lot money doesn’t equal him loving you more and him having and giving you less, doesn’t equal less love and fun. Love is more than digits in the account, a good job and a shiny ring. These things don’t signify love and understanding of the Quran and sunnah. But morals, respect, appreciation and love do. Because a believing man upholds the sunnah and clings to it and loves you according to it and more.

He doesn’t put you down, treat you like a slave and only comforts you when you beg. Love is unconditional and it shouldn’t have to be forced nor come attached with a massive price tag. Islam has made getting married easy but it is us, family, culture, influence that have made it difficult. If you truly want to get married, make the dowry easy and Allah subhanawatala will make the marriage beautiful. When marriage is made difficult and lots of money is spent towards the wedding itself, statistics say, it fails. Statistics aren’t facts but it’s an eye opener to the current trends of high priced marriages and miserable lives that come after. It is not to say, that your marriage will fail if you spend a lot but it is not from the sunnah. Rather what is from the sunnah is simplicity and making things easy upon the people and not burden them.

Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him) said: “The most blessed nikah is the one with the least expenses.” [Bayhaqi]

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7 thoughts on “Looking Beyond The Dowry (mahr)

      • It’s more complicated than just the women sating what she wants as a drowy. A lot of time Imams will ask women to lower the amount using that hadeeth and try to guilt trip them into asking for less. It’s also about having some financial security, it’s a far stretch to say the men of today are comparable to the men of the prophets time. Theres parents involved who usually will set the amount for their daughters. There’s community expectations/pressure and the fact that the Mahar is seen as your worth/value and a whole society that labels you as ‘cheap’ or ‘expensive’.

      • Firstly, the imam has no place to set the conditions of the mahr, dowry for the women. He can advise and let her know what is in the sunnah but can’t tell you whether you can get it or not. The family can’t do it either. Many families are greedy and ask for a large sum solely for themselves to indulge in. It is only up to only the woman who is getting married to set the amount but should also follow the sunnah as well. Being financially stable when getting married is great, it’s excellent but it shouldn’t dictate whether someone should get married or not. It is Allah that provides. Allah says in surah an nur: If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allah is All-Sufficent for His creatures needs, All-Knowing [24:32]

      • Also, the community will always speak regardless but they wont come to your door to ask you how your marriage is doing when it isn’t doing well. If you are worried about what the community thinks of you, then you’ll always revolve your life around what they think of you, rather than what you think of yourself and what makes you happy.

      • I’m just stating the reality of what goes into the process of deciding the dowry, not ideal or wholly islamic/following the sunnah, but it is the current climate of what is taking place.

      • I understand that. Many sisters that I know, their families tried to dictate the mahr/dowry and they were asking for $50,000, a house, furniture and gold. If we follow the sunnah way of getting married and asking for dowry, insha’Allah, Allah will make it easy for you.

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