A lot of us are looking to find the right spouse through the internet, from friends or even family members. We want to be set up with someone who will help us become better in every single way but many times, the people who we think are sincere and serious about marriage are really not and end up wasting our time, playing with our emotions and feelings. It becomes heart breaking, it leads to depression and it can potentially ruin things for someone who may come in the future with the right intentions because your impression left a scar on that individual, who doesn’t want to trust others.
If you are not serious about getting wanting to marry someone, stop wasting your time and their time. Your life may be boring, you may want to have an interesting conversation with someone to “see” where it goes but this may not be the intention of the person on the other end. People interpret things differently. So you may see a conversation going one way, while the other person see’s it another way. Your approach maybe friendly and mean something else but to them, your approach is everything they’ve ever wanted and is finally coming true.
We are at fault for expecting things that are not set in stone but you are also at fault for giving false hopes of talking about getting married and talking about a bright future. Your intentions may have been in the right place, Allah knows best but to seek someone just for your own enjoyment, to cure your boredom is evil and directly impacts a person negatively, while they hold onto these hopes of things becoming true, while you string them along and only want their comfort and entertainment.
Your actions lead people into depression which can be for a long time depending on how much they actually “loved you” and how much they believed it could be true. It is also true, everything is the decree of Allah subhana wata’ala but we are also responsible for our actions and how we display them to others. We are responsible for our speech whether it be true or false and responsible for the promises we make. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Religion is sincerity.” [Muslim] So let us do our best to be sincere when we speak to others and not deceive them to cure our boredom, to enjoy ourselves while they continuously work to make things work. While they do ishtikhara (guidance salah) and you do not and you delay it, while they patiently wait for you to do it. If a person wants to do ishtikhara and is serious about you, there will be no excuses or “ill do it another day or when I have time”, it’ll happen A.S.A.P. because they cannot wait to see what Allah has written for them.
Many of us are grown adults and many of us want to wear the shoes of adults and get married but if you cannot be sincere or act mature and stand up for what you feel and believe, how could you possibly take care of someone else and fulfill the rights given to each other by Allah subhana wata’ala? We have to be careful because these are people’s feelings we are dealing with and what we say may or may not intend to do, can leave scars, so be careful as you would not like what you are doing to others done to you, your siblings or your children in the future.
It is impossible to be sincere all the time because we all make errors but we must check our intention before following that compass that may lead you to the right path. If you are seriously considering that person for marriage, take the right approach and speak to their wali (guardian) to make things halal (permissible.) If not, let them go so they can find someone right for them and if you are not serious about marriage, then don’t bother others who are seriously considering sharing their life with someone.
If you need advice, feel free to contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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