Marrying For Deen (Religion)


Asalamwalikum (Peace Be Upon You)

The Prophet Muhammad (Peace And Blessings Upon Him) said “A woman is normally sought as a wife for her wealth, beauty, nobility, or religiousness (adherence to Islam), but choose a religious woman and you will prosper. ” (Muslim)

And he said: “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser. “(Bukhari)

And he also said: “The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman. ” (Muslim)

The same is also said when looking for a husband, as the Prophet Muhammad (Peace And Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth. ” (Tirmidhi)

These hadiths are clear to the point and advises the ummah to marry those with good character and religion more important then beauty and wealth. So why is that when an individual has come as a blessing into someones life, they seem to question the ability of the person who has come to them with these characteristics? Why is that when that individual has come, we seem to hold back and say, maybe someone better will come? At first the person expects love must be there within the first interaction rather then compatibility, which does happen too often at times. The person so to say, falls in love with the person immediately and that feeling must carry through out the process of marriage or of being a potential spouse. Once that feeling is gone, they are no longer eligible because that so called feeling of love is no longer there.

This is a mistake we seem to make, which makes us over look the great characteristics of a person our Prophet has advised us to marry. Love does not develop in a short period of time and then disappear because that simply is not love. True love develops over time, through understanding, mutual agreement, compatibility and companionship. You cannot say you truly love a person within a year or months or weeks because you are fooling yourself in developing these feelings which will disappear because the impact, the feeling had happened so quickly.

Love develops over time as you and the person come closer together through a mutual feeling, companionship and understanding. Most importantly the individual as a Muslim must be of good religion, good practice of the deen first, then their character and then all other, beauty and wealth the Prophet has advised us to look for. So why is that when a person who has met these standards on the hadiths the Prophet has given us, we seem to ignore it? We seem to concentrate more so on the financial situation which Allah has blessed them with and love, rather then the deen. We seem to think so far out into the future, which instills a belief of negative feelings rather then being positive. If you are looking for true love, you must be patient with that individual first and foremost because love is not an over night thing like a Hollywood movie. Love should develop between you two over time. If you expect you must love that person instantly you will hurt yourself.

As people of this beautiful ummah, we must not take these hadiths lightly as we all need to marry for religion and character first. Through our spouses we will be developing a generation that will carry the flag of Islam. We must not ignore this as your wife is a Madressa (school) for your children as they will likely learn islam, good manners and habits through her. You must also find a good husband who your children will learn the religion of islam as well and who will also teach good manners and habits. As when you die whatever you’ve taught your children of the deen will stay behind and benefit you on the day of judgement on the scale of good deeds. Don’t just expect to love someone instantly. If they have good character, the person is of good practice and understanding of the deen, and compatibility is there, truly consider it as this will benefit you and your children, don’t let that person go thinking, I may get better when the better you’ve been looking for is right here. It will benefit the ummah and love will develop through companionship and compatibility and Allah knows best.

May Allah bless us all with pious and righteous spouses who stay close to the Quran and Sunnah. Who will treat us right and fulfill the other half of our deen.

I have a written a book which discusses in depth in what to look for a spouse. You can get the book at the links below (Pay What You Want – PDF Version) ($4.99 – Kindle Version)

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10 thoughts on “Marrying For Deen (Religion)

    • I wouldn’t recommend the sister to marry the man who isn’t religious. It could become difficult, especially if he doesn’t want to practice no matter how much you try to encourage him. Only Allah guides whom He wills. It would be highly recommended for the sister to marry someone who is also practicing. Either on the same level of religion or even slightly below or above.

  1. Nowadays its the parents that has issues and its usually culture related. A man could have the best of manners and be praticing, but the parents will still object just because of where he’s from. Or he doesn’t have an degree? Or he earns to little? All dunya related issues. Subhan’Allah its so difficult to even get married, with any hurdles in your way.

    • Yup, it’s become extremely difficult now-a-days due to parents not knowing the deen very well and if they do, they don’t implement it, so they make it extremely difficult for the person to get married.

  2. I tried explaining to my parents about this issue, and its evident that they get it, but like there problem is the whole culture thing and stereotypes about certain races. I understand there point of view, they’re just worried that the whole language/communication issue is bad and the two familys will not get along with each other. And how are you ment to know his family background etc and what if he leaves you after marriage. But these issues are so minimal, like lets be honest its most likely your both gonna speak english, so technically there is no language barry between the two that would like to get married. And if the kids learn to speak languages from 2 different cultures thats awesome! The other is problem is just stupid because regardless of what race, maintaining a succesful marriage is up to both partners, effort depends on the person and not where he comes from. And my parents just have this really bad image of other cultures in there head, they just say pakistanis are criminals, they’re bad people. Arabs beats their wives and marry more than one. And marrying a black muslim is just totally out of the question just because he is black. Subhan’Allah honestly i just dont even know what to do. Brother what advice would you give in a sittuation like this?

    • To be honest sister, your parents are just making excuses as to why you can’t marry that individual and they’ll continue to give you excuses until you speak up for yourself and keep fighting for this individual you want in your life. Also, if that individual could some how approach your father and speak to him and they could get to know each other, it could break the ice as well. If he had done that already, then you have to keep fighting for it to happen and he has to be supportive of you and you have to be supportive of him because right now, its a difficult time for him, especially for him because he feels rejected and lower than dirt. The reason why I tell you, it’s because I’ve been through exactly what you are going through for several years of my life and it continues to happen. That’s life though. Parents are so worried about protecting their honour, their respect and how others will look at them, and end up hurting their children. Just keep fighting for him and tell your parents, you aren’t giving up until it happens and if you don’t, I’ll get an imam involved because you can’t reject someone based on their race or colour.

      • Lool sorry brother, im not actually in a situation like that. Im just open minded on who i would like to marry and it wont be to do with his race, for me it will be deen and character 100%! Jazak’Allah Khair for the advice. And yano how you said it has happened to you, did your parents eventually give in? But what if they do the whole emotional blackmail thing? I love my mum to bits and i wouldn’t be able to choose if i was put into a situation like that. And my dad is literally like you can go with that person, but the moment you do you will be dead for us. Okay so how will i respond to a situation like this?

      • My parents are completely open minded about me marrying outside of my race, it’s just the other side always seems to reject that idea, that’s where the problem is.

        As long as you know your deen, they can’t emotionally blackmail you. That’s why it’s important as Muslims to know what Islam says because if we don’t, whenever we get to a sticking point in life, people will take advantage of us or we will follow them blindly and end up in even more trouble.

      • Allahumma barik lahu! Great to see you have open minded parents! Sorry didn’t quite get what you ment by the other side?
        Wallahi brother i have sat there hours with my mum explaining to her and giving her evidance from the quran and sunnah, she knows it and doesnt deny it, but she stills says no. And then the emotional blackmail thing starts and she gest snappy and angry so thats usually the point where i leave it and walk away. So don’t know what to do really.
        And i have a family member going through a situation like this and this time its not got anything to do with where he is from, its the fact that he doesnt have a degree. She’s going through a hard time, please keep this sister in your dua’s in sha Allah.
        And i kinda have one other request. I have an exam tommorow, would really apreciate it if you can make dua for me brother, in sha Allah.

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