Asalamwalikum (Peace Be Upon You)
The Prophet Muhammad (Peace And Blessings Upon Him) said “A woman is normally sought as a wife for her wealth, beauty, nobility, or religiousness (adherence to Islam), but choose a religious woman and you will prosper. ” (Muslim)
And he said: “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser. “(Bukhari)
And he also said: “The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman. ” (Muslim)
The same is also said when looking for a husband, as the Prophet Muhammad (Peace And Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth. ” (Tirmidhi)
These hadiths are clear to the point and advises the ummah to marry those with good character and religion more important then beauty and wealth. So why is that when an individual has come as a blessing into someones life, they seem to question the ability of the person who has come to them with these characteristics? Why is that when that individual has come, we seem to hold back and say, maybe someone better will come? At first the person expects love must be there within the first interaction rather then compatibility, which does happen too often at times. The person so to say, falls in love with the person immediately and that feeling must carry through out the process of marriage or of being a potential spouse. Once that feeling is gone, they are no longer eligible because that so called feeling of love is no longer there.
This is a mistake we seem to make, which makes us over look the great characteristics of a person our Prophet has advised us to marry. Love does not develop in a short period of time and then disappear because that simply is not love. True love develops over time, through understanding, mutual agreement, compatibility and companionship. You cannot say you truly love a person within a year or months or weeks because you are fooling yourself in developing these feelings which will disappear because the impact, the feeling had happened so quickly.
Love develops over time as you and the person come closer together through a mutual feeling, companionship and understanding. Most importantly the individual as a Muslim must be of good religion, good practice of the deen first, then their character and then all other, beauty and wealth the Prophet has advised us to look for. So why is that when a person who has met these standards on the hadiths the Prophet has given us, we seem to ignore it? We seem to concentrate more so on the financial situation which Allah has blessed them with and love, rather then the deen. We seem to think so far out into the future, which instills a belief of negative feelings rather then being positive. If you are looking for true love, you must be patient with that individual first and foremost because love is not an over night thing like a Hollywood movie. Love should develop between you two over time. If you expect you must love that person instantly you will hurt yourself.
As people of this beautiful ummah, we must not take these hadiths lightly as we all need to marry for religion and character first. Through our spouses we will be developing a generation that will carry the flag of Islam. We must not ignore this as your wife is a Madressa (school) for your children as they will likely learn islam, good manners and habits through her. You must also find a good husband who your children will learn the religion of islam as well and who will also teach good manners and habits. As when you die whatever you’ve taught your children of the deen will stay behind and benefit you on the day of judgement on the scale of good deeds. Don’t just expect to love someone instantly. If they have good character, the person is of good practice and understanding of the deen, and compatibility is there, truly consider it as this will benefit you and your children, don’t let that person go thinking, I may get better when the better you’ve been looking for is right here. It will benefit the ummah and love will develop through companionship and compatibility and Allah knows best.
May Allah bless us all with pious and righteous spouses who stay close to the Quran and Sunnah. Who will treat us right and fulfill the other half of our deen.
I have a written a book which discusses in depth in what to look for a spouse. You can get the book at the links below
https://payhip.com/b/3FdM (Pay What You Want – PDF Version)
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00QFUJQHW ($4.99 – Kindle Version)