I Have A Condition You Don’t Know About

leaky-faucet-500

 

I have a problem many of you don’t know about. It’s not really a problem many of you would think but I do believe it is a problem within myself. For several years I’ve dealt with this condition that has allowed myself to be taken advantage of. To be stepped on. To be walked all over when things happen. I am the forgiving type. The hopeful where I continue to give chances only for me to be destroyed and be bitter. I become cold hearted because I allow myself to wear my heart on my sleeve for far too long, only for someone to come and snatch it completely away and I do trust, they’ll take care of it, only of them to destroy it, poking it with holes, leaving my heart internally bleeding, taking years to get it repaired.

The syndrome is called the “nice guy syndrome.” For far too long, I’ve allowed myself to get stepped over, walked all over, taken advantage of because I put too much trust into people. I have too much hope in people. I believe everyone has something to give and even if they mess up more than once, where I get crushed like a hot boiled potato, I continue to take them into my life. I may have a heavy heart when I do it but I do it because I find myself stupid and blind. Not because I know they won’t do it again because I know they’ll likely take my kindness for weakness but because, I am the forgiving type and I often don’t like to say no. It has only led me to become hurt but it also led me to become the man I am today. To help share my experiences all over the world. You may read a lot of my pieces on relationships where I don’t speak about myself but in those pieces, I am revealing what has happened to me in a form of a lesson, to teach others not to fall into what I’ve been been through for so many years of my life. Even today, I stay stuck with this syndrome.

People tell me often, especially my youngest sibling. “You know, you are too nice to people and if you always be that way, people are going to walk all over you. Just as Dad says, you either ignore them or cuss them off.” And this is my problem. I let things go on for far too long with a smile on my face, while I mend the broken faucets, that have left a massive leak by a plumber who was irresponsible, lazy and guaranteed they were going to get paid regardless how they did the job. Being nice has it’s limits and those limits have been pushed for far too long. You would think with all that I’ve been through, I would actually hire a professional who wouldn’t be irresponsible for their work and actually do things to the best of their ability, without allowing me to fix everything myself. Only for me to hire someone with less qualifications, that seem to fit the qualifications in my imaginative mind, only for them to have absolutely none, while I carry the load and continue to work on these leaky faucets that forever leave a mess.

Who am I kidding though? I do this to myself and what I continue to do myself, I deserve. Just as a smoker who is negligent of the glaring facts on the box of cigarettes that they light up everyday, only for them to eventually kill themselves, They only have themselves to blame, just as I have myself to blame for allowing others to continuously take advantage of me, while I diagnose myself with the “nice guy syndrome” and figure out how to cure myself. Maybe, being nice isn’t all dreamt up to be as everyone makes it seem but I do know, I never regret it a day in my life. No matter how many people decide to walk all over me or take my kindness for weakness, I know some day, I’ll find a plumber or a few plumbers that will actually help me fix these leaky faucets without me having to grab a mop, soak up the water and tie a cloth around it, only for it to burst again.

You may suffer from these same conditions and may in fact be looking for a skilled person to actually, FINALLY get it right but don’t give up. Don’t change but just adjust to your conditions. Grow to improve, not to regress. Life is going to throw obstacles at you, people, dogs, cats. The weather will change but we can only adjust to the weather and go on with our day. It is something we cannot control but we still carry ourselves through the day and that is what we must do. We either adjust, improve or allow others to see right through us and leave the faucets broken forever, while we clean it all up. Learn to see the individuals who come to your door and never, ever, get stung in the same hole twice, only for you to be deceived again and walked all over.

The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “A believer never gets stung in the same hole twice.” [Bukhari]

With that quote, I end this personal note. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope you learn and don’t become naive enough to fall for the same old tricks again. I did it for years, only for me to share my experiences with you and become a much more improved man, alhumdulilah (thanks to Allah). I will not change but I will improve and so will you, insha’Allah (if Allah wills).

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7 thoughts on “I Have A Condition You Don’t Know About

  1. I think this might help:

    “The repayment of a bad action is one equivalent to it. But if someone pardons and puts things right, his reward is with God. Certainly He does not love wrongdoers.” (Quran 42:40)

    If you are hurting a lot for being this way, I suggest that you learn to stand up to people. Be absolutely assertive when you have to. I know that it will feel really bad at first to let someone down like that, but if you know that this person is bringing negativity in your life, you don’t really want anything to do with them in the first place. Being around these people is an invitation to diminish your spirituality and emotional health. Forgive, yes, but do not forget how you felt around them lest you fall into the same trap again.

    Also, don’t look at your condition as a syndrome because it feels harder to escape from something so serious-sounding. You are not a static person. If you were, you would still have the same interests and ambitions.

    And remember: being nice doesn’t mean that people can treat you like dirt. You can be nice and simultaneously have a backbone.

    • JazakAllah khair 🙂

      I know it’s not a syndrome. I wrote this because I am no longer that individual. I’ve escaped that lifestyle, where being no was hard to say, even if I went out of my way doing what I was doing or planned. Whenever I write a personal note, it is because I’ve broken free and decided to relieve myself of those worries that I was once worried with. Writing has helped me a lot, that’s why I write this way and about certain things.

      I’ll always be nice but it’s more being nice with limits and those limits can no longer be pushed.

      • Oh okay! I respect how you wrote that after improving yourself. I’m also glad that you were able to find a balance between being nice and effectively dealing with people. As for writing personal things down, I agree – it can be refreshing to get things out of your head, especially when you can’t talk to other people about them.

        Anyways, well-written post like always. 🙂

  2. I wouldn’t say that I had the same problem because I’ll admit I’m too selfish to be happy to help others, and I wouldn’t say that I’m too nice. But I do help people out, a lot. Because 1) I can’t say no and 2) I feel guilty if I don’t. But again, I wouldn’t say that I’m happy to help.

    Either way, I would feel frustrated about the same things. The fact that people aren’t appreciative, or that they walk all over me, or that they take my help for granted. And when I needed something in return, none of them would actually come through.

    And it caused a lot of anger and resentment within me. Until I had a small epiphany and realized that these people in my life are not being bad or necessarily evil, they’re merely human. Humans are fragile, humans are faulty so it would be wrong to expect anything from them. Whether I help them or not I should never want anything in return. The reward or help in return comes from Allah SWT alone.

    So I can say that for the most part now, I don’t really care anymore. Because I’m not a robot it of course sometimes gets to me. But I’ve learned to overcome it.

  3. Great post, as always, mashAllah. Keep sharing.
    On another point, I took that hadith to mean that a believer won’t be tested with the same test twice. Allahualim.

  4. Wow this was another great post and I total can relate to being so nice and being a pushover and making dua always helped me when I felt like I needed to stick up for myself but May Allah grant you strength and mercy ! 🙂

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