With Ramadan starting tomorrow for me, I’d like to say, well, write, If I have said or have written anything wrong to anyone on this page, then I apologize. My intent is to not offend anyone but for my writings to benefit others, to uplift, inspire and motivate people. I just want you all to make du’aa for me that if one day, I happen to become successful, famous, well known or whatever it may be for my writings, that it does not change me but it helps me become the best version of myself.
Make this Ramadan your best one ever because it may not come again. Read the Qur’an, make lots of du’aa (supplications), give zakat if you are able to, give sadaqa, feed others, help your parents as they are fasting and maybe working. If you know anyone that has converted to Islam, make them feel welcome this Ramadan. Invite them into your home so they can experience Ramadan as you have for many years. Make the experience memorable. If you have broken any ties of kinship, go ahead and call up a family member and apologize even if you were hurt by what they did. It may be your last Ramadan or theirs. There is no need to hold grudges over something that has ruined something great like family. And most important of all, strive to be best you can be and take this experience, lesson in Ramadan as to improve and keep up with that improvement. Continuously polish on what you’ve taken from this Ramadan.
Ramadan Mubarak to everyone who has continuously supported me.
Ramadan is literally around the corner, depending where you are in the world. For some it is Saturday and for some Sunday. Many are anticipating a new month which introduces us to our version of “ The Hunger Games.” (Well, not really because you get killed in that movie/book from what I heard.) For several Ramadans, well for several years, my mother would always nag me to complete as many Qur’ans as possible. She would say “If you would finish it this many times this Ramadan I will give you double the money I give you on Eid.” I never finished it during Ramadan but my mother would still reward me and my siblings any way because of our efforts through out the month. As I got older and started recite the Qur’an in English, everything just made sense to me. It just flowed naturally and I understood every single word being read. I appreciated how Allah SWT spoke to me. As the scholars say or I believe I have heard someone say; “If you want to speak to Allah, make du’aa and if you want Allah to speak to you, read the Qur’an.” How true were those words? Anytime we wanted to speak to Allah, all you had to was supplicate and no matter how many times we sinned or slacked on our salah, Allah was granting our du’aas whether we knew it or not. Sometimes we would want our du’aas to be answered instantly and when Allah delayed them for a time being because He knows best, we would only increase in our du’aas and try to be even better Muslims. There is wisdom and knowledge in what He does, so we get closer to Him and that is our ultimate goal.
Whenever we are in sujood, making supplications, we should take our time. Don’t rush it, thinking I have things to do, I better go here and there. No, take your time in sujood and supplicate as long as possible. This is our time to speak to Allah directly. Use the duaas of the Prophets (Peace Be Upon Them All) as these were the duaas that have been granted and used by our Messengers, then after, make duaa in our own language if you want, to pin point the details. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “The closest that a servant is to his Lord is when he is in prostration, so say a great deal of duaa then.” [Muslim] This is a time when your duaa is accepted so don’t hold back!
I’ve also noticed that when we read the Qur’an, if you’ve ever experienced this, you probably have. You open it reciting and within a few verses whatever problem you were going through that day or the day before, it is revealed right there in the verses. How beautiful is that? It just instantly grants you relief. You think to yourself, wow! I was just thinking of this or went through this yesterday and here it is in the Qur’an explaining to me how to handle that situation. Whether you know or it not, there is a reason why we stop at certain verses, close the Qur’an and read it the next day only to be relieved of a certain thought or problem we are going through.
This Ramadan, make du’aas and read your Qur’an patiently. Don’t rush through it. It isn’t a competition where you recite it and finish it as many times as you can to earn a reward from your parents or anyone else. Appreciate the words, every verse and do your best to understand them. If you have to read the English translation or whatever the language you speak to understand it, read it. It reveals the Qur’an in a completely different light and at times, bringing tears to your eyes, giving you goosebumps and relieving your worries. Anytime you’ve rushed through something in your life, you always felt weird about it after, especially a test. You reflect back on it a few minutes later saying, I should have spent more time on it, gave it more understanding and re-reading my answers. The Qur’an needs the same application and appreciation. It may not be a test but is the answers for the tests in your life. Take your time to read it and go through it, doing your best to understand what you are reading. You’ll end up loving it and it will most likely become your favourite book in the world.
A little bit about me, sometimes Im human, sometimes Im an alien but that depends on the day of the week. I am from Toronto and have lived here my whole life. Im just a regular individual who is just like the rest of you. I don’t do anything special. I just speak my mind and I think many of you are afraid to do the same because as soon as the words are written or you do something, you think someone else is going judge you or speak about you. I don’t care about any of that. Everyone has an opinion or a thought and if that is yours, that’s cool. Many of us are afraid of being ourselves because we worry what another person has to say about us. You have to know, people will have things to say regardless but if they are going to talk about you let it be because you are being different and not like everyone else.
Everyone has the same pattern to follow, the same box we think in but think outside of it and truly be yourself. You’ll see and do things that you thought you were never capable of. I write because I love writing and expressing myself. I’ve been an expressive person from what I can remember. I used to write poetry and rap but that transitioned into something more, alhumdulilah. Don’t ever let anyone tell you because you are south asian, black, chinese, malaysian, have a beard, no beard, hijab, no hijab, that you aren’t capable of anything because this isn’t what “we” do. They are speaking from their own perspective in life and not your own. As long as you don’t transgress the limits of Allah, you are doing great and will continue to do great. Don’t do it for the fame, don’t do it for the likes but do it because you actually love it. Likes are great as it is encouraging but if you write or do things for only likes, then you are doing it for attention. Be passionate about what you do and insha’Allah, it may become a career some day. Im not afraid to be myself or speak my mind about topics such as marriage or relationships and if I don’t know something, I will tell you, I don’t know.
Be yourself because you are only one person and there is not in this world, maybe ever, another one like you. So use your unique abilities, we all have them and do something with it. We all have talents, skills, characteristic traits that are so awesome but we hide them because we constantly think what others will say. Here is one person to tell you, that If I was to think what others will say, I wouldn’t have this page today nor have a blog nor have been writing for 13 years or more and going, insha’Allah. Be yourself and use your talents to the best of your ability. Don’t do it for the fame or money, do it because you love it and insha’Allah, one day, it’ll fall into place how life is written for you and either Allah will reward you in this life or in the hereafter.
JazakAllah khair, thank you for all the support. It means a lot.
I have a problem many of you don’t know about. It’s not really a problem many of you would think but I do believe it is a problem within myself. For several years I’ve dealt with this condition that has allowed myself to be taken advantage of. To be stepped on. To be walked all over when things happen. I am the forgiving type. The hopeful where I continue to give chances only for me to be destroyed and be bitter. I become cold hearted because I allow myself to wear my heart on my sleeve for far too long, only for someone to come and snatch it completely away and I do trust, they’ll take care of it, only of them to destroy it, poking it with holes, leaving my heart internally bleeding, taking years to get it repaired.
The syndrome is called the “nice guy syndrome.” For far too long, I’ve allowed myself to get stepped over, walked all over, taken advantage of because I put too much trust into people. I have too much hope in people. I believe everyone has something to give and even if they mess up more than once, where I get crushed like a hot boiled potato, I continue to take them into my life. I may have a heavy heart when I do it but I do it because I find myself stupid and blind. Not because I know they won’t do it again because I know they’ll likely take my kindness for weakness but because, I am the forgiving type and I often don’t like to say no. It has only led me to become hurt but it also led me to become the man I am today. To help share my experiences all over the world. You may read a lot of my pieces on relationships where I don’t speak about myself but in those pieces, I am revealing what has happened to me in a form of a lesson, to teach others not to fall into what I’ve been been through for so many years of my life. Even today, I stay stuck with this syndrome.
People tell me often, especially my youngest sibling. “You know, you are too nice to people and if you always be that way, people are going to walk all over you. Just as Dad says, you either ignore them or cuss them off.” And this is my problem. I let things go on for far too long with a smile on my face, while I mend the broken faucets, that have left a massive leak by a plumber who was irresponsible, lazy and guaranteed they were going to get paid regardless how they did the job. Being nice has it’s limits and those limits have been pushed for far too long. You would think with all that I’ve been through, I would actually hire a professional who wouldn’t be irresponsible for their work and actually do things to the best of their ability, without allowing me to fix everything myself. Only for me to hire someone with less qualifications, that seem to fit the qualifications in my imaginative mind, only for them to have absolutely none, while I carry the load and continue to work on these leaky faucets that forever leave a mess.
Who am I kidding though? I do this to myself and what I continue to do myself, I deserve. Just as a smoker who is negligent of the glaring facts on the box of cigarettes that they light up everyday, only for them to eventually kill themselves, They only have themselves to blame, just as I have myself to blame for allowing others to continuously take advantage of me, while I diagnose myself with the “nice guy syndrome” and figure out how to cure myself. Maybe, being nice isn’t all dreamt up to be as everyone makes it seem but I do know, I never regret it a day in my life. No matter how many people decide to walk all over me or take my kindness for weakness, I know some day, I’ll find a plumber or a few plumbers that will actually help me fix these leaky faucets without me having to grab a mop, soak up the water and tie a cloth around it, only for it to burst again.
You may suffer from these same conditions and may in fact be looking for a skilled person to actually, FINALLY get it right but don’t give up. Don’t change but just adjust to your conditions. Grow to improve, not to regress. Life is going to throw obstacles at you, people, dogs, cats. The weather will change but we can only adjust to the weather and go on with our day. It is something we cannot control but we still carry ourselves through the day and that is what we must do. We either adjust, improve or allow others to see right through us and leave the faucets broken forever, while we clean it all up. Learn to see the individuals who come to your door and never, ever, get stung in the same hole twice, only for you to be deceived again and walked all over.
The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “A believer never gets stung in the same hole twice.” [Bukhari]
With that quote, I end this personal note. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope you learn and don’t become naive enough to fall for the same old tricks again. I did it for years, only for me to share my experiences with you and become a much more improved man, alhumdulilah (thanks to Allah). I will not change but I will improve and so will you, insha’Allah (if Allah wills).
The people who we choose to surround ourselves with either trap us in their own demise or push us towards greatness. Each choice leads us towards a better lifestyle or a life that will crumble along with theirs. I once read in “The 48 Laws Of Power” how people can be poison and surrounding yourself with sweetness, greatness, will lead you towards a better life. We often keep people around for benefits, hoping they change, hoping they give us something more, only for them take everything you’ve been given and leave you to dry out in a hot sun with no water. You are dying for thirst, hoping they reach back at you, only for you to get nothing in return, concentrating on themselves and how they can get more.
We often give keys away with no locks on a door, free entry, no payment needed, only for us to regret knowing that locks on a door keep us safe from thieves who will eventually steal your heart and trap your soul in total bitterness, leaving your heart cold, longing for revenge. It is a grave mistake that we take to our beds, hoping to rest comfortably only to be restless all night battling our thoughts, hoping this tossing and turning will stop us dead in our sleep, not literally but peacefully where we no longer feel the poison going through veins making us gasp for air. We only want our fair share of life but who is to say it is deserved anyway? We place ourselves in situations we often believe it’ll better our soul only for our soul to never better but become bitter with “I wish I never” only for nothing to change but lessons to take back to people, to teach our life to those who are as naive as we were. To those who are dreamers like us, who leave hope in humanity, longing for change to come, hoping to be recognized for our potential and not the possessions we own or plan to own. We are only hopeless dreamers, with dreams turned into nightmares that we were once aiming for the sky, reaching for the moon and amongst those stars hoping to land, being a glimmer in someone’s eye watching from earth to know how valuable we really are. Only for them to turn a blind eye to the star gazing back at them by the shining of the street lights, taking the beauty away of what the Creator has created and put in front of them.
The blessings we often overlook trying to impress the ones who see right past us, while those deserving of it are overlooked, left with nothing but despair and a tear for their worries, hoping it would build a river carrying them away, to another island that would appreciate us. With open arms, lots of love, cheerfulness and most important of all, appreciation we often look for, that is given a blind eye, only for those who are truly blind to embrace the genuine nature of our souls, which penetrated their hearts. Eventually, we will arrive at the end knowing what each of these are lessons are for, to better our souls, no matter how hard your life may be. No sadness lasts forever and no happiness lasts forever but in the remembrance of Allah is where the souls, the heart finds rest. Peace in due time, knowing to never wear your heart on your sleeve and reliance in people is like lighting a cigarette thinking it’ll never harm you. Surround yourself with the harmless but cheerful. The dreamers, not the nightmares and cure not the poison. Positivity attracts positivity and negativity diminishes positivity. Know what you are choosing and who you choose your give your time. They will either help you increase your life or decrease it by leaving you in sorrow and never in remembrance of your blessings and your potential.
Parents have a responsibility of at least meeting their children’s potential spouse. The refusal could lead to cutting off ties of kinship (which is not permissible in Islam) and the children running away together simply because you aren’t open minded about their wants and needs. Parents think they are always right in the end and what I want for my children is always best. That may be correct but at the same time, you are only looking into your wants and needs which differ from your children’s, as they are created differently.
Many times children are put into difficult situations, where it is my family or my spouse to be? Eventually, the ego within the refusal of the parents, turns into marriage happening secretly, zina (sex) where the woman ends up getting pregnant or the ties of kinship getting broken.
Parents should be open minded about meeting the individual. This is their future, as you’ have done your best to shape theirs. Not everything will go your way and they will not do everything as you have dreamed of. Islam is more than just skin colour, traditions and cultures. It is firstly, eman (faith) and good character. If that individual, spouse to be has that, allow the marriage to happen by putting your ego aside and being open minded. You have done your best to protect your best investment, which is your children but refusals after refusals and giving you an understanding will led to things that will hurt your children and hurt you.
Don’t ever allow it to lead to that point. Please, be open minded. Meet them, so your children feel as if they are important even though you made them feel that way their whole life. They want to create a future which is fitting for them, so allow them that choice as you can’t protect them their whole life. Tie your camel and leave the rest to Allah SWT.
*This article is only a follow up to another article I’ve written*
If you are not married as of yet, asl yourself if it is your expectations that have been pushing away the potentials that you have come across. Every person has a right to expectations but sometimes it is our own expectations that may seem unrealistic or fantasy like that destroys something that could have been good. If all you are looking for is wealth, know that this wealth will not help you buy to fix your marital problems. If you are looking for degrees, know these degrees can’t help you fix your marital problems.
Look for something within the individual that no wealth can acquire and no degree can earn. Each of us have this uniquely, blessed gift, called personality and characteristics. These are two treasures each of us hold and no matter where you search in the world, you will not find someone with the same. You may find someone who has something better but the search for something better may come too late or may never come.
Hold onto someone who has been blessed to come your way with a positive attitude, personality, characteristics and someone you are also attracted to. Wealth is required to build a home but does not build love, compassion, sympathy, closeness, romance, sweetness and more, nor do degrees. Look to build with what you’ve been blessed with and know it is Allah SWT that will provide through his rizq (provisions) to make your marriage the best it can be, as long as effort is made.
We all have choices in life. Make the best choice that will build a happy home and not a broken home when a degree no longer matters and wealth disappears.
If you are single, stop rushing to get married because your lust, desires and social pressure is getting the best of you, then you end up getting divorced within a few years. You have all this time on your hands, so improve your character, improve your communication skills, improve your eman (faith), and continuously look for ways to learn about Islam. Continuously educate yourself about whatever it may be that will benefit everyone around you.
Don’t just concentrate on finding that right woman or man, when all this time you could be concentrating on being the right woman or man. Don’t have an ego think that you don’t need to improve because the truth is, everyone needs to improve. Allah knows whom that right woman or man will be and when that person comes into your life, you will be responsible, understanding, educated about what not only marriage is about but how to be as a person, a Muslim and doing the best you can. You have all this time, so use it to your advantage.
Invest in yourself to be a better person. A person that will be appreciated by someone who values your character, personality and looks. Most important of all be patient. Don’t go and chase every man or woman who you think is religiously dedicated or financially stable. Not everyone who is religiously dedicated lives a balanced lifestyle, takes the middle path or actually lives according to their words and what they know about the Quran & The Sunnah. Everything is through actions. And Not everyone who is financially stable will be as supportive with their money, instead they’ll be stingy and selfish. Be smart with your choices and be smart with whom you give your heart to because they’ll either cherish you or break you.