It’s sad that still this day and age, tribalism and culture still has precedence over deen (religion), character and personality. So many are being turned away for marriage due to ignorance and pride, when it has done nothing for them except hurt their families. They think they are making the best possible decision but for whom? Themselves? It only hurts the children who are actually following the deen and then ending up having to choose between family and the person of their interests, one of the worst ultimatum an individual has to live through. Islam is not about whose culture is the best or whose tribe is the best or whose community is the best but it is about who will lead me to jannah (heaven)? Who will make me a better muslim? Who will help me raise children that will be beneficial for the ummah (nation/community)? But rather, it has become who mahr (payment) is higher for my daughter, who has the best degrees and whose skin is lighter, it is sad but a true reality, when neither of those are needed to make a good spouse.
A degree cannot make a marriage successful but it may make you successful. The colour of a persons skin does not make a person’s character beautiful when it may be rotten. And the mahr (payment) will not cure the problems in the relationship when it will vanish away through spending or left aside and may be forgotten.
We are all made from clay and water, sperm to egg and came out the same way. Raised by a male and female or a single parent, eat the same way, walk the same way and do many things the same way, so how could we see others differently, when we aren’t different at all?
Your skin is brown, theirs is white, underneath is red. Our tears drop the same, our saliva forms the same and only thing different about us is our personality, character, fingerprints and physical features. Other than that, we are the same. So why give precedence over something that really isn’t different?
If your tribe or culture was better, you’d be elevated into the heavens and written about but you aren’t. You live on the earth just as the rest and will be put into the earth just as the rest, that is to rest. Make things easy for others and do not give precedence to culture, skin colour and tribes when neither benefits you. Choose people based on their character and personality, not their culture or skin colour. Skin colour or culture does not develop relationship skills but people whose character and personality are great, do. Think wisely when making a decision for your sons and daughters because you may be guilty choosing something that has no status, when piety, character and personality do.
Just something to think about….