Divorcees Are Human Too

broken heart

 

People who are divorced are not some alien type creatures or have a flesh eating disease if you touch them. All too often you hear people say, “don’t marry them! they are divorced!” By far the most ignorant thing for people to say. Some people are divorced because they weren’t as compatible with their spouses as they once thought they were. Some are divorced because they couldn’t bare the physical or verbal abuse they have been receiving. Some are divorced because their spouse has continuously cheated on them so they took a stance and decided to leave. As many of us would leave too if we were under some of those circumstances.

People who are divorced aren’t diseased, animals or monsters. They are humans just like us. We all feel for the need of companionship so we shouldn’t ignore those who are divorced. Even used cars have several good things about them and so do houses that are old. Don’t be ignorant. A persons divorce doesn’t make them less compatible or not fit for a relationship. If that was the case, all failed friendships would only entitle one thing, we are bad friends and we shouldn’t have anymore but that proves to be false. We make new friends and still have friends after losing friends.

So don’t look down upon someone or disregard someone for marriage because they are divorced. There are several qualities in them that you are missing out on because of a title that has been stereotyped by the ignorant and the misguided. Everyone deserves a chance, just as you’ve been chances all your life.

 

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Divorcees Are Human Too

  1. LOL at your title. What you are saying is very true. I think people romanticize the whole institution that is marriage and they forget what the true religious and economical meaning it has. Sure there is love and all that crap, but that’s not the true meaning. So they look at a divorcee and think “Oh this person is not someone who fights for love” when that’s not really the case.

    People that stay married for long don’t do so just out of love. Love is a contributing factor but they comprehend the true meaning of marriage, which is a partnership. A financial partnership, a religious partnership, a physical partnership, an emotional partnership, in some couple’s instances a political partnership. Marriage involves a lot of crap, it isn’t all fun and games.

    But then again, if you think about from a strategic stance point then someone who is a divorcee has a higher rate of going through another divorce than someone who’s never been married, statistically. But on the contrary, someone who has been through marriage once already has more of a comprehension on the institution than one who never has been married before, which can be beneficial.

    Sorry for the word vomit but this is an interesting topic with both positives and negatives to it.

    • I agree with the first half but I disagree with the “statistics.” I’ve been doing counselling and a lot people who are divorced or on the verge of divorce have been in some terrible marriages but they are good people. The other half, so they thought were not willing to either compromise, were people of people who just wanted to give authority without reason and compromise, were physically abusive from the very beginning but the spouse thought that would change. So many factors and it doesn’t mean, that person divorced once, they’ll divorce again. It’s like saying, you’ve been fired from one job, you’ll be fired from the others too. It’s all about compatibility, compromise, comfort, love and so many other factors. Anything could take place in the relationship that could make it not work out. A lot of it is choice, effort and in the end, the will of Allah.

      Don’t apologize. Write as much as you like in these comment boxes. They are for people to express themselves, so be as expressive as you want to be.

      • Ah but it’s actual statistic though, people that get remarried have a higher rate of getting divorced. So if you are to view marriage in a completely non-emotional stand point and think about how you can most realistically create a long lasting marriage, marrying a divorcee proves to be a bigger risk than marrying someone who’s never been married though.

        That doesn’t mean that people shouldn’t be given a chance though. Perhaps a divorcee is the person you’re going to stay married to until your death, like you said, it’s the will of Allah.

        Personally I don’t believe in life long lasting marriages. Divorces are pretty serious and should not be taken lightly, but looking at the state of people nowadays, myself included, I don’t think a lot of us have what it takes to make it last. People like to pull examples from the past and even their own parents, but I think the problem with that is that they are from another generation, another culture. So it doesn’t really work as an example. Sooo, I don’t really blame divorcees.They’re just being human in their decision, I feel.

        How about those super “religious” brothers that have been married 2, 3 times who seemingly always blames it on the woman being some sort of crazy who wasn’t pious enough. Great stuff there. Or those horror stories about women cheating and sleeping with pretty much everyone apart from their husbands.

        I’ll admit I have a pretty negative attitude to marriage and if I didn’t have Islam, I don’t think I’d even believe in relationships, there’s too much bad in them. Men and women tear each other apart, but that’s the beauty of it. That’s the beauty of the test. Both genders complement and contradict each other. SubhanAllah, no wonder marriage is half your deen.

      • I can see you definitely do have a negative perspective about marriage. Don’t allow others to cloud it for you. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be upon Him) married a woman that was a divorcee. We should learn from the examples from the Messengers of Allah and the companions on how to be good spouses. If we do that, our marriages would be longer lasting.

        Each person in marriage wants their rights and their rights only. Each person wants their own things only without trying to compromise. One always wants to be right, the other is always wrong. I want a marriage like so and so. I want a marriage like this person and that person and that is where marriage fails. We look into other people’s blessings and not what we have in front of us. So we end up losing that blessing over something that was not or ever destined for us.

        There many religious people who say they are religious but commit so many bad things against their spouses but that is not an example we look at. Yes, we should be aware of those types of individuals as well but that’s not an example we rely on. If we constantly took only the bad from everything, we would be better off living in a box, shielded from the world, only to live within our means and side of the planet but we don’t. We hope for the best and prepare for the worst of things. We stay optimistic about what is to come and what is to come is good.

      • LOL I would say that I do live in a box. I’m always at home and tend to ignore anything that goes on outside in the world because I get too emotional over things.

        I never thought of it in that way though, to remain positive and optimistic though be wary, cautious and prepare for the worst. I’ll be honest, it’s extremely difficult for me to keep a balance between, well, pretty much anything. Having a negative attitude is easier than having a positive one. If I have a positive attitude, I create unrealistic expectations in my head and become upset when they don’t come true.

        If I’m negative, then I’ll be pleasantly surprised if something good happens.

        I think the best mindset to have is to be completely neutral, to not have any expectations from anyone or anything. Though that’s pretty difficult itself and can very easily turn into a negative mindset.

        I seriously feel like I’m having a pre-mid-life crisis where I don’t understand anything that’s going on or what to do about the future and my current situation. Being a kid was soooo much easier.

  2. Divorce is disliked.There are ways in which we can avoid divorce by trying to be understanding towards each Other.A Woman has lots of Recommendations.There are very clear stated Hadiths but for Men : Men too need to learn from the life of RasulAllah.There are many evidences from the life our Prophet which Answers the Biggest Question:”What does a Woman Want”? http://islamhashtag.com/relationship tips for muslims/

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s