Give Precedence To Deen (Religion), Character & Personality – Not Culture & Tribalism



It’s sad that still this day and age, tribalism and culture still has precedence over deen (religion), character and personality. So many are being turned away for marriage due to ignorance and pride, when it has done nothing for them except hurt their families. They think they are making the best possible decision but for whom? Themselves? It only hurts the children who are actually following the deen and then ending up having to choose between family and the person of their interests, one of the worst ultimatum an individual has to live through. Islam is not about whose culture is the best or whose tribe is the best or whose community is the best but it is about who will lead me to jannah (heaven)? Who will make me a better muslim? Who will help me raise children that will be beneficial for the ummah (nation/community)? But rather, it has become who mahr (payment) is higher for my daughter, who has the best degrees and whose skin is lighter, it is sad but a true reality, when neither of those are needed to make a good spouse.

A degree cannot make a marriage successful but it may make you successful. The colour of a persons skin does not make a person’s character beautiful when it may be rotten. And the mahr (payment) will not cure the problems in the relationship when it will vanish away through spending or left aside and may be forgotten.

We are all made from clay and water, sperm to egg and came out the same way. Raised by a male and female or a single parent, eat the same way, walk the same way and do many things the same way, so how could we see others differently, when we aren’t different at all?

Your skin is brown, theirs is white, underneath is red. Our tears drop the same, our saliva forms the same and only thing different about us is our personality, character, fingerprints and physical features. Other than that, we are the same. So why give precedence over something that really isn’t different?

If your tribe or culture was better, you’d be elevated into the heavens and written about but you aren’t. You live on the earth just as the rest and will be put into the earth just as the rest, that is to rest. Make things easy for others and do not give precedence to culture, skin colour and tribes when neither benefits you. Choose people based on their character and personality, not their culture or skin colour. Skin colour or culture does not develop relationship skills but people whose character and personality are great, do. Think wisely when making a decision for your sons and daughters because you may be guilty choosing something that has no status, when piety, character and personality do.

Just something to think about….

4 thoughts on “Give Precedence To Deen (Religion), Character & Personality – Not Culture & Tribalism

  1. As-Salam Alaikum,

    Very well said! I read every one of your blog posts and they help me out a lot and are very beneficial to me. Thank you for the wise words of wisdom and advice that you share with us. I’m come here and read whenever I’m feeling down and reading your posts help me get through whatever I’m going through at the moment. Thank you for your time and effort that you put into this blog. Insha Allah you will continue the blog for some time. May Allah reward you for your efforts.

    • Walikhumsalam, Malikah

      Thank you, jazakAllah khair. I really appreciate that. Seriously, I really do. Means a lot to me to hear, well… to read something like that. It lets me know that I am doing something right. If you ever need something to talk to, feel free to email me. My email is , I would be more than happy to help you with whatever it is.

      May Allah reward you and I. Ameen 🙂

  2. What are you specifically looking for in a spouse? Besides the obvious answer of “looks, compatibility, personality”.

    • Asides from compatibility, personality and looks, I don’t know until the actual conversation occurs. People can say I look for several things in a spouse but to me, if the conversations don’t go right, we don’t click, then it’ll go no where. Of course being Muslim and a practicing Muslim is the most important. Other than that, depending on how the conversations go, then I’ll know but I have found someone alhumdulilah.

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