Thank you so much for your mail! You are right, i know that..it´s just that I can´t see it objectiv like you:)
First of all: Yes you can use my mail on your page, but I would like to change some details, as i´m a bit paranoid:).
But what I don´t understand is: Why does he invest his time, if he is not interested? When I write him a mail just like that , he answers me. He asks me about everything I told him (job, interviews, my sisters and brothers), he remembers all details which I tell him.
BUT he is never the first who writes (exept it´s my birthday) but answers immediately, when i write him. And when I didn´t have the time to skype he tells me next time, that he was online waiting for me…
He himself told me the last time i asked him, if he is still interested, that he wouldn´t come online, if he wasn´t interested..
Besides, he is a little bit strange..or I would say very shy and not very selfconfident ( I suppose it´s because he´s not tall;) ).
He once told me about girls, that he really liked. One girl, which he knew from school ( thats about 10 years ago), was a good friend and he secretly really liked her, than she moved away and he didn´t even tell her about his feeling.- I told him, that this is really strange, but he said he didn´t want to. The seconde girl he liked was also a good friend, he knew her for some years and than one day she told him, that she met a boy in her hometown (she is engaged now). .. besides he once told me, that he doesn´t know why men should always do first steps in relationships…
SO I wrote him my mobile number, that he can contact me ..but he just replied, that we will talk at the weekend on skype (or on weekdays on FB), when he is home. ( Calling someones mobile is more expensive here than a normal landline phone)
When I asked him about our relation, he told me, that he doesn´t want to marry unless he can offer me something, as he has got a fixed job now (for about 5 month) but still wants to move back to his hometown to work, but cant find a job there. That´s why he doesn´t have his own furniture in his apparment or a landline phone or internet.- I told him, that this doesn´t matter, but he said to him it does.
Look how I´m trying to denfend him 😀
I know, if I would now stop to skype with him and write him on fb, he would never write or ask me why…but when in write him in 2 months, he would immediately answer and say..”hey, how are you? Where have you been?…”
I feel like sitting on a couch and talking to a psychologist 🙂
Once again, thanks!
One thing people who really care for another, always contact that individual first. A lot of times what I used to do was see if that individual would message me, that is after I’ve messaged them several times. To see if I cross their mind or not.
If you’ve messaged him two months later and he did not contact you within those two months, what does that tell you? Why is that you have to contact him first and then only he contacts you thereafter? Does that make any sense? What I’d say is don’t contact him at all and see when he decides to speak to you but that would not put your heart at ease or at rest. You would only become paranoid and fearful. Maybe he doesn’t like me anymore? Maybe I am doing the wrong thing? And so many more things.
The brother is correct though in looking for his benefits and your benefits in regards to being prepared for marriage. If he is not able to provide for you, there is a fear of that but does he know that is Allah SWT that provides rizq for everyone? Does he know that marriage would increase the blessings in his life and Allah SWT will give more?
The more you try to convince someone that you are good enough for them, the more you realize how much you value that person and how much you’ve devalued yourself. You are throwing yourself at him and he doesn’t seem to want to take the offer but only become fearful or make excuses, you know?
When someone is really interested in you, they wont say, I’ll only speak to you when I am home etc. They will speak to you whenever and whatever way they can because you mean a lot to that individual. Perhaps I don’t know the brothers circumstance and maybe he doesn’t have data on his phone or he doesn’t have WhatsApp but in reality, everyone has a phone with data correct? So if he has data, being able to communicate with you over WhatsApp would be the most easiest thing? Again, I don’t know the brothers situation. Maybe he doesn’t own a cellphone.
Be honest with me okay? If your friend said to you, I really enjoy your company and I really enjoy speaking to you but, I will only talk to you only on the weekends. How would that make you feel? Would you not be confused that you can only make time for me on the weekends but I make time for you all the time? No individual is alike but wouldn’t it be odd? I think it would be.
You really need to think of this situation and really come to a decision because what it seems like, is that you are really interested in him and he lacks interest in you despite what he says. You only contacting him and him only saying things like “I was waiting for you to come online but you never came” is only to make you feel guilty. Trust me.
Sister, you are worth more than this. Why continue to chase him, while he distances himself and continues to make “excuses” for being interested in you. Maybe he is but myself being a guy and knowing the situations and being in several situations in my life that are similar to what you are going through, I know what it is. I’ve been through what you are going through and I’ve come to a point in my life where I do not waste my time anymore with people who don’t want to invest time in me or is not confident in being with me. If that person wants to be with me, they will. I don’t chase anyone, I don’t try to convince them. I don’t even say, we get along great, etc; because the truth of the matter is, if you see it and they don’t, you are wasting your time. Relationships are based on mutual agreements, compromise and most important of all, sacrifice. He is not sacrificing what you are sacrificing for him. He continues to say “woah, woah, yeah, I got a job but………………………” you see, how everything he has said was but? There is no clear answer he has given you. When the brother had said to you, “you shouldn’t wait for me, If you know someone to marry, you should marry him.” That is the most clearest answer ever given to anyone and that shows the lack of interest and he doesn’t care whether you two get married or not.
Right now, what you are doing is holding on, hoping he changes his mind. Hoping he agrees and you have a dream marriage and everything just fits perfectly together but from what you’ve told me, It doesn’t seem to go that way. Sister, don’t sit there waiting for someone to change. People are as they are. If the brother really wanted to marry you, him having a job, he would marry you and not say, “if you know someone to marry, you should marry him.” If a woman had said that to me, I’d know she doesn’t want a future with me and her interest in me isn’t there and she isn’t confident in this working.