One of the rights of a Muslim, upon another Muslim is when he/she seeks your advice, advise them. [Shahih Muslim]
His statement, “And when he seeks your advice, advise him.” This means that if he seeks consultation with you regarding some action, as to whether he should do it or not, then advise him with that which you would like for yourself. Thus, if the action is something that is beneficial in all aspects, then encourage him to do that, and if it is something harmful, then warn him against it. And if the action contains both benefit and harm, then explain that to him and weigh the benefits against the harms. Likewise, if he consults with you concerning some dealing with someone among the people, or whether he should marry a woman off to someone, or whether he should marry someone, then extend your pure and sincere advice to him, and deal with him from the view point of what you would do for you own self. And avoid deceiving him in any matter of these things. For verily whoever deceives the Muslims, then he is not of them, and indeed he has left off the obligation of being sincere and advising. And this sincerity and advising is absolutely obligatory, however it becomes more emphasized when the person seeks your advice and he requests from you that you give him a beneficial opinion. For this reason the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) specifically mentioned it in this important situation. The explanation of the hadeeth, “The religion is sincerity.”
I read your post about marriage and i´m really impressed about the work that you do here. May Allah bless you for that!
I´m still not sure if it´s necessary to write you my problem/ question, but as I read your articles it came to my mind.
So , where do I start? I´m a muslim, not married woman. And I know a man for almost 2 years. I´m confused about this relationship(?) and I don´t know what to do, as it is making me sick and sad thinking about it. I don´t know if I´m doing something wrong.
Well, although we know each other for 2 years, we have never meet each other. We know each other from the internet (a social network) and at the beginning we chatted almost every day on msn about everything in life (Deen, family, studies, work..) I got to know him better and liked his closeness to religion, which is also very important to me. I feel like having a male friend , which I never had ,exept my brother and dad. After 3 or 4months our chatting decreased. We chatted twice a month, when he visited his parents. (He lives alone, about 4hours away from his parents because of his job and his internet is very slow). After a while i asked him about this relation. He said, that he is not sure, he cant say “yes” or “no”, he needs time and his job is really hard and important to him. After a some months we started talking on skype. I asked him again, and he still couln´t answer me. He needs time and i got angry. He said, that he is not that kind of guy who meets girls and has bad intentions. He is sure, that we would match, but if we meet (in real life :D) it would be hard to handle for him, because of the distance (as he also lives about 3 hours away from me).He also said, that I shouldn´t wait for him, if I know someone to marry, I should do it. He would never force me to stay in contact with him. Because of my anger i didn´t write him for about 3 weeks..until i realised that i miss his friendship. So i apologized to him and after a while he forgave me and we talked again on skype.. as he hasn´t got a car now, he visits his parents only once a month and so we talk only once a month. Sometimes I think, that this relation leads to nothing. I invest more in this relation than he does…as I asked him the questions about the sense of this relation and wait for him on skype to come online… but on the other hand he is a really special person, who is interested in my life and always listens.
Am I doing something wrong in keeping this relationship? Am I naive? Don´t know what to do..cant stay positive in this situation.
Oh my god, my message is reallly long.I´m sorrryy:) Hope you don´t mind reading it. Thanks for your time.
When we look at kids, we see how they are not self-conscious of themselves. They don’t care how their hair looks, their nose, the size of their body or anything of that sort. They stay active through out the day, utilizing their bodies as tools or toys to toss around the living room or in the park. They are care free to what others around them are saying. Their level of self-conscious does not exist at such a high level and everything seems to revolve around “fun”, being adventurous and courageous. Eventually, the child grows and that level of self-conscious kicks in. My nose is shaped this way, my body is too skinny or too big, I need to fix or colour my hair. Their youth, courageousness, adventurous selves becomes lost along the way because they’ve developed this self-conscious thinking and the perception of others.
Everything now becomes about perception. What will others think? What will others say if I do a certain thing like this? Will I lose my friends if they think I am weird? This level of thinking never existed as children because what mattered was to please ourselves and nobody else around.
As parents, they are also a building force behind how a child perceives themselves and grows into the best version of themselves or a parent is the destruction force behind their children’s confidence and the ability to tap their own God given talents.
Is it to say, we as adults have lost our way? Lost our own naturalness because pleasing the people is more important in the long term? The short term effects makes us feel great but deep down inside, we know this not genuine and eventually, the feeling fades. We’ve become extremely self-conscious of ourselves that we don’t know at times what is like to be ourselves because we are trying to be everybody else.
The child that was adventurous and brave, becomes entrapped into a society, a way of thinking what will others think, so they close off themselves to being adventurous or brave. The child inside of us becomes caged into a cycle of life based around perception. What is beautiful and what is not? What is rich and what is poor? What fashionable and what is not? As Islam teaches, it is about piety, level of connection with Allah SWT.
If we continue to please everyone around us and never please ourselves, when will we ever become ourselves? When will we ever see the naturalness we have lost and let it escape? We’ve grown into this wild idea that if others are doing a certain thing this way, then it must be correct but as children, we always found a different way. We always invented new things to explore or create. Now, we don’t even think on that level because we have become too busy with things that matter more to others than it matters to us. We’ve surrounded ourselves, our brains to be exact in other peoples ideas or minds. Not to be selfish of course because there is no need to be selfish but the need to be constantly self-conscious in a way that all we think about is the perception of others or how we will fit in.
Parents who are reading or uncles or aunts who have nieces or nephews and parents that are expecting, groom your child into the best version of themselves by allowing them to be natural. Helping them tap their God given abilities and never let them lose their naturalness as we have. Just look at a child in any room and how the only thing matters is happiness of themselves, while we are so worried about the happiness of others and what others will think. There is nothing wrong with having a level of self-consciousness because we will be questioned about our health and our actions but concentrate on being you. It’s important to be yourself and to please yourself more than it is to constantly please other people, while we drown in misery attempting to please them. Most importantly, pleasing Allah SWT matters more than anything in the world. Be you. Don’t worry what others think. Have fun. As long as it is permissible in Islam, then do it and love it!
4. The Gym
The feeling when you step into the gym and see all those weights, it’s probably one of the most beautiful feelings. You go into a whole different mindset when you step in there. Your mindset is onto your goals and everything that was in your head before you came to the gym is gone. Lifting those dumbbells, pressing that bar, squatting that weight as heavy as you can, feels so good! Pushing your body to the limit. To see what you got. Do you have the will to keep going even after that last rep took everything out of you? Are you going to complain, it’s too heavy? NO! You are going to go there and give EVERYTHING YOU GOT! Your heart is pumping, you are sweating, feeling great and everything just connects and clicks. I don’t think there are many things that can replace this feeling. The gym has you feeling great and looking great. Now, I know I have women that follow my blog and women, read carefully. Lifting weights does not make you big, bulky. Lifting weights and then eating a lot of food makes you big. Those muscular women got to that stage because their intake of calories and macronutrients went way over than what they were usually eating. Lets say for example, she ate 1200 calories a day and she increased that, she would obviously put on size. Lifting weights does not make you big. Eating garbage food, sitting on the couch, lifting the remote to change the channel makes you big. Be active!
3. A Healthy Lifestyle
People in my family like to call me grandpa with the discipline I have over what foods go into my body. Im not a junk food person. Im not a cake person. Im not even a person with a sweet tooth, considering my entire family has one. If I told you, I could eat junk food all day and I’d lose weight, you would say you are lying! but that is the truth, it happens to me. While my siblings will eat something sugary, I’ll be eating fruits. While they eat something high in trans fat, I’ll eat something in good fats, like an avocado, eggs or walnuts. The thing about a healthy lifestyle is, what you put into your body, is what you’ll get out of your body. I remember whenever I ate Popeyes, it taste good but the feeling after in your stomach is not worth it. You also have to understand, your body is an amanah (trust) on to you. Your body has rights over you so why not give it, its proper rights and treat it with goodness. If you want to feel good, eat the right foods and trust me, you’ll feel energetic, happy, positive all day long, insha’Allah! Eat that garbage and you are in for high and then a crash! Don’t take me the wrong way, I love burgers but I want my heart to feel great, so I eat it sometimes. My kids in the future, insha’Allah will hate me lol! Im not writing insha’Allah for them hating me, Im writing insha’Allah for having kids when I am married.
2. Tawakul (Trust) & Qadr (Decree)
Trust in who? Allah SWT! Whatever affairs are happening in your life, know it is from Allah SWT who has decreed this for you and believing in the decree without a doubt in your mind, without a thought of negativity puts all your worries to rest. The moment you start thinking of things going bad or negatively, you start to worry, you start to panic and where do those worries come from? The whispers of shaytaan. He makes you worry about your rizq (sustenance), he makes you worry about things out of your control, as it is says in Surah Al-Baqara: “Satan threatens you with poverty and orders you to immorality while Allah promises you forgiveness from him and bounty. And Allah is all encompassing and knowing” [2:268]
As long as you continue to make an effort in your life, remember that everything is the decree of Allah SWT. The progress you are making, nothing can go wrong . Only thing you’ll have everyday is a smile on your face because you’ve put your trust in the creator of the heavens and the earth.
1. Salah (Prayer)
This is my number 1 key to happiness. Now, I don’t know how anyone can live their life without salah. The moment you hear Allah-Hu Akbar (God Is The Greatest), no it doesn’t mean, someone is coming to kill you, it means Allah Is The Greatest, that is it. You fold your hands and stand attentively in the salah listening to the beautiful recitation of the Quran. I don’t know how many times I’ve stood in salah and my eyes would start watering, my heart would feel the words of the Quran. As soon as the imam recites something I understand, it’s really hard to hold back tears. Salah is vital organ for a believer. I can’t live without it and you shouldn’t either. No matter how much I may struggle at times, salah is something I will ALWAYS turn to in happiness and in sadness.
These are my 4 keys to happiness. Insha’Allah, you benefited from it and you learned something. JazakAllah khair for reading. Have any questions? Feel free to email me: firstname.lastname@example.org
Alhumdulilah (thanks to Allah) for EVEERRRYTHING! Sharing my happiness with you all because it happened with you all… Thank you 🙂