Solutions For A Heartbreak

heartbreak

You’ve recently come out of a relationship with a person whom you thought your life was set with. You had all types of dreams. All types of conversations about getting married, living together, having kids and being husband and wife. You two had spent quite a lot of your time together. Being in a relationship which made you two feel spectacular together. Inseparable! Your friends knew about the two of you and they could only compliment your relationship and how fantastic it was. Life takes its own twist and turns and the relationship is no more.

Your heart is broken. Your pillow is wet. You are having sleepless nights and looking for ways to either get back together or look for ways to get over that individual. No matter what you’ve done through the weeks or months that have passed, you’ve been in a slump. Feeling blah and out of character because this individual, this person you loved so much, is no longer apart of your life. You’ve tried various methods on how to get over this person and NOTHING seems to work.

I will list several ways on how to get over this individual and why you can’t get over this individual, insha’Allah.

Why You Can’t Get Over Them?

1. Your expectations of being together were held way too high. As you know, life is unpredictable. Today you are healthy, tomorrow morning you are feeling sick with a high fever. Coughing, vomiting, thinking yesterday I was just fine, what happened to me today? When holding such high expectations of things you can only dream about coming true, eventually when it doesn’t you are in for a huge disappointment. This is how life can be at times. Unpredictable. You’ve held such high expectations of things coming true, when it didn’t, your life came crashing down like a building that has just been demolished or jenga. You want to NEVER hold anyone or anything to such high expectations that when it doesn’t go your way, your life goes away with it too. You are only capable of doing and giving what you are able to. After that, whatever comes is not in your hands and never has been. Hold people in a balanced position, when and if things don’t go as you’ve hoped or planned, your soul, your heart is not going with those expectations that have crumbled.

2. You feel you’ll never find a person like them. The point in the heart break where the thought races through your head, “I will never find someone like that ever again! I will never be loved the way they loved me! I will be lonely for life! No one will love me again!” You’ve held this person in your life to such a high plateau that everything has revolved around them. The way they loved you, the way they cared for you and the way they were so attentive to your needs. Now that they are gone, you feel no one can ever come close to that again. This is where you’ve held a person, a creation, to expectations which are unreal, not fit for anyone but all of us are capable of loving, caring and being attentive to one another. Instead you hold onto a firm belief, that no one will love you like them and you’ll never find someone like that ever again. This is where you are wrong. You don’t know if that person was right for you. You two may have gotten along but perhaps along the way, something may have happened which would have worsened the relationship  to the point where it was much more destructive than just a break up. Your life doesn’t end with just this individual and your heart and soul does not belong to them. Your heart and soul belongs to you and Allah SWT, your creator. There WILL be someone better than that individual and there will be someone that will come into your life who is a much more improved individual than that person was.

How To Get Over The Individual

1. Know that this individual never belonged to you in the first place and that Allah SWT, your creator had planned someone better all along. You need to firmly believe this because this is the decree of Allah SWT. As this thought will enable you to think positively about the future and what is to come into your life for the betterment of your life.

2. Cut off all communication you have with this individual. After a relationship ends, we tend to hold onto that person, wanting that person back in our lives, so we continue to speak to them, hoping things workout again. The fact of the matter is, if it was to workout, it would have but it didn’t. This is good for your life. It helped you avoid certain situations which again, could have been destructive in the future. Perhaps your eman (faith) would not improve. Perhaps the relationship would have led to the hell fire and Allah SWT had protected both of you from it. Cut all ties with this individual. Text messages, phone calls, block and delete from social networks. Do not spy on them. Delete pictures, old memories, take a deep breath and believe things will be better, insha’Allah. If the individual does decide to come back, you have to consider EVERYTHING that has happened in the relationship and if they are not serious about getting married and just want a relationship, you have to remind the person, we have something here which could be long term and you two were probably long term so come to my wali (guardian) and lets get married. If marriage is not what they want, then believe, marriage is something they’ve never wanted in the first place. Move on with your life and insha’Allah, you’ll be with someone who will commit their life to you with the right intentions.

3. Be around positive people. No matter what types of problems you have in your life, when you are around people who are happy, have a connection with Allah SWT, you will more than likely have that same feeling. You are what your friends are. If your friends cuss, you will likely cuss. If you friends are happy, always in a good mood, that will pass on to you. This will allow your mind to get off of so many things that weren’t meant to be and be around people who are meant to be in your life for a reason. Cherish them. These people are long term and will more than likely be around even after you’ve married the person Allah SWT has set aside for you.

4. Seek forgiveness with Allah SWT. Know that your relationship was haram (forbidden) and you need to make sincere repentance from being in a relationship with a non-mahram. This individual was not your spouse and everything you’ve done while being together was sinful. Allah SWT is Al-Gaffur (The Forgiving) so ask. This is my favourite hadith, I love it because it shows how reassuring and how forgiving Allah SWT is. How merciful He is.

The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Allaah, Blessed and Exalted is He, says, ‘O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshipping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.” [Tirmidhi]

5. Be patient through your heart break and learn from this. Do not become bitter nor become overly depressed as this was out of your control. This individual was not meant for you from the very beginning of your life. Was never written but someone else is. Smile as often as you can and keep your head high. You are wasting your precious life, your tears, starving yourself because of a person that was not meant to be. Your life is worth more. Your body is worth more. You deserve happiness and happiness was not destined with this individual. Allah SWT had protected you from so much and you need to thank Allah SWT for it. The person that enters your life next, do not judge them based on this relationship or past relationships assuming things will go the same way. You do not know the outcome nor do you know their intentions. Be cautious but also be optimistic and positive that insha’Allah this person is the one. Take the right measures in getting to know this individual, so your heart and soul does not become attached and when they leave, the attachment, does not belong to them, it belongs to you. Be balanced and always, always, thank Allah SWT for everything.

Insha’Allah, this helps. If you have any questions or you are going through something like this and you need advice, feel free to contact me. My email is mshabazz33@gmail.com

Also read: https://mshabazz33.wordpress.com/2014/02/18/advice-regarding-your-post-on-solutions-for-a-heartbreak/

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16 thoughts on “Solutions For A Heartbreak

  1. Great advice, but four and five are my faves. Especially the hadith, real comforting. The hardest part I think, is cutting off someone, and changing yourself as a person to get over them. Sucks but for Allah (swt) it’s worth it.

    • Thanks. You don’t need to change anything about yourself as a person to get over someone. You just have to remind yourself, that you were without them before and you are without them again. When you were without them, you were great, life was great, things were smooth and now that they are gone, it’s the same routine in life.

      • I didn’t mean it like that, I meant you have to change your habits if they are bad ones, for example if I have a tendency to always text him, then I needa get stronger so I stop. Or this may be a test of patience so I gotta work on that aspect so I’m more patient for the future.

      • Yeah, that makes more sense now. That’s a tough habit and It’s due to attachment and reliance on that person. They were always there so let’s see what they are doing now or how they are feeling. It’s no benefit and it only hurts more because eventually you go back having those feelings again.

      • Exactly. It’s hard but deleting everything about them, helps to I guess delete them from your life as well unless you’re unlucky and see them errrrwhere.

      • It’s all in the head… when you know you are better without them and they don’t control your happiness, then you’ll know It’s better for you and who is control of your happiness

  2. Good advice. really gotta follow it now. keep telling myself in my head, but really do need act on it. only this is friends, hard to find people who care. feel like so many people are selfish now, even my “best friends” dont check up on me when I make it obvious that i’m hurting. but it could be over sensitive me..maybe.
    and also, finding a good muslim man these days is so hard 😦 all the people i know, or know of are drinking, sleeping around etc.
    how can you know anyone is “good/clean” as you are.
    like Surah’ Nur says, “good men for good women, and good women for good men” but I’m just a skeptic now because of what I see 😦

    Glad i saw this post tho, needed a boost 🙂

    • You are welcome. First thing I remind myself is that nothing of the past comes into the future, unless you allow it to. If you really want to change your life, you are capable of doing that with the help of Allah SWT.

      In life, you’ll meet plenty of selfish people but the real test comes when, you are battling yourself. When you are battling the heart and your mind, wanting to change the person you are. I again, remind myself it is Allah SWT that rewards the believers in abundance and it is never the people. It is for us to do and upon Allah is the reward.

      Nothing wrong with being sensitive and nothing wrong with wanting those people whom are in your life to check up on you. It really does make you think, when you are in some sort of hardship, who asks, how are you? Is everything okay? Would you like to talk? But still, you don’t change who you are. Life is about growing and maturing. Never about regressing.

      Im in your shoes too. Difficult to find a good muslim woman these days but eh, Allah knows best. Just the put effort in, in finding someone and insha’Allah, your effort will show results.

      The thing is, when we expect others to be like us, we never get in return. What it is, is that we should accept people as they are but also have a certain level of expectations of what you want. Nothing hollywood type, you know? But realistic in a sense, which is attainable.

      Don’t be skeptical. Have tawakul (trust) in Allah SWT and let Him handle your affairs after you’ve done your searching and finding. Most important of all is to be happy with the end results.

      You are welcome 🙂 If there is anything else you need, feel free to ask.

  3. Pingback: Advice: Regarding Your Post on Solutions For a Heartbreak | Think & Be Positive

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