A lot of people don’t seem to understand that their words can shape a person. Words can shape a persons thoughts and actions. Words can shape a persons intelligence and words can shape a persons mental attitude. In many situations, a lot of people seem to want to criticize or either compare people to other people, who have been able to accomplish many things in their life. In many situations, the comparison becomes so burdensome to the person on the receiving end, they mentally drain themselves and want to give up, while building their goals and striving to be what they’ve always wanted to be.
It seems as if, people would rather negate everything the person is aiming to achieve and automatically want that person or child to achieve right than and there. They constantly sit there and criticize you, while not even asking you or seeing what you’ve already accomplished or what skills you possess. No parent or person wants to see their friend or child suffering from any type of anguish or burden. Everyone wants someone to achieve in some way or another. Instead, what we have here is a home or a circle filled with comparisons that are never ending. A home or a circle filled with people constantly criticizing you when you aren’t doing something good. They never want to see what good you’ve done but rather, only want to discourage you. In their mind, they see it as reverse psychology. If I say “you will not amount to nothing in your life” my child or friend will want to prove me wrong.
It doesn’t work like that in all cases. Not everyone is built with a mind, a fire inside of them, that is fuelled by the negative criticism. Some people are able to take that negative criticism and prove others wrong. You know the feeling when you actually do, HAHA! I PROVED YOU WRONG! Not everyone is built this way. Even people who say, I constantly proved people wrong all my life had someone, a belief, a torch, a sense of encouragement from someone who is close to them. Possibly a parent, a sibling or a friend.
While it seems in many homes, we have parents who use this type of reverse psychology to push their child in a direction they want to see them going in. They tell them, “you won’t amount to nothing. You should see your friend, they are planning on becoming doctors or lawyers. Imagine how much money they’ll make. What are you going to do besides sitting out on the porch and doing nothing?” Parents along the way have formed this belief, If I say these type of things to my child it will encourage them to be better and accomplish something along the way, they’ll want to prove me wrong.
Children, teenagers, adults and even married couples need to be constantly encouraged and told what that they are doing is good. They need to be constantly told, what they have done is a good job. There is obviously a time when you do want to be critical and give the right advice to fix the errors that they have built but to be told, you haven’t done well or it sucks, it undermines the persons self-achievement. Some parents are so harsh on their children, they expect their children to surpass even them in what they have accomplished. They want their child to constantly bring in A’s and nothing less. If it is something less, they are criticized for it and not told well done, you’ve done a great job. You are your child’s cheerleader. Not your child’s enemy. Your child comes to you, so you can congratulate them on what they’ve felt is an accomplishment. If you see your child come to you with a smile on their face and hand something to you, take some time out of what you are doing and pay attention to them. You should feel proud and happy, that your child wants to share it with you and no one else.
What you say to your child in those critical moments, will possibly shape your child’s mind and way of thinking. Being too harsh, will discourage them from showing their achievements and will possibly make them have a low-self esteem. Being too easy on them and sugar coating what they’ve done, will possibly make them lazy. Your child needs to be encouraged and motivated from you, the parents themselves. You’ve brought your child into this world and raised them. They look up to you for every single thing in their lives, so for you sit there and criticize them and put them down, is not making their future better or their tomorrow better. They want hear you say, good job, keep trying, you’ve done well. These moments are critical and they will help encourage your child to carry themselves with a positive attitude and confidence because they know, they have their parents they can turn to, to boost them in their life. Look for in your child a skill they possess and constantly encourage them and tell them, this skill they have is great, is wonderful and you are amazing at it. It will light a way for your child to be something from those encouraging words, not those skills.
The same can be said for married couples. If the wife has cooked for you, cleaned for you, made the house look nice, you want to say good words to her. She doesn’t want you to come home and criticize her because she decided to put a glass vase in a different corner. She put that glass vase in that corner because it was appealing to her. Out of everything she has done, you chose to criticize her, instead of saying thank you or the food is good or the house looks nice. Women that are married, same can be said to you. Your husband may have worked all day, bought some groceries in, out of everything he has done in those hours, you choose to criticize him for something so minuscule. Don’t do that because it is not needed. Your wife may feel discouraged or not appreciated when she does things and may not do it the same way anymore with the same love and passion or your husband may feel the same way because he knows, he will be criticized either way.
Your words can either make or break a person. Can either make or break a relationship. It is absolutely fundamental, that we as people constantly encourage people around us, so they can see the potential in themselves, to be better people, to build a better future, to build a better community. We need to encourage, instead of constantly criticize and be compared. The next time you see someone who has done good in their life, accomplished something, say something good that they will cherish and it will build a bridge for them, that lights a way for a future that is build upon those words.