Today, another year of my life has passed me by. Some people would ask me, are you happy with your life? I would say yeah, I am alhumdulilah. Why wouldn’t I be? Life is so interesting. You plan towards so many things. You dream of so much in your life and where you want to be headed but you can plan and dream all you like, if Allah SWT has not decreed that for you, it will not happen.
In this now 26 years of my life, I’ve realized age is just a number. I’ve actually realized that quite a while ago. No matter how old people can be, it doesn’t define who they are and it never will. I say this quite a lot but it is your experiences that write your story, not your age. It is how hard you’ve fallen and come back, that define your character. People will attempt to define your life in so many ways but they only know a quarter of it while they look at it from the outside. They don’t know the battles you face on the daily. They don’t know the types of struggles you’ve encountered but are so quick to judge everything without looking deep inside of you.
Life can pass you by so quick and just as life passes by, people do to. Not everyone that you’ve hoped would stick around in your life to appreciate who you are, would be there. The people that do, something inevitable happens and they are gone to. Life works in a mysterious way and no matter how many books we read, no matter how many people we examine, we will never be able to figure out people and their intentions. A lot of times we come to ask why people come into our lives and what is their purpose? There is a deeper meaning to this and I’ve come to understand that Allah SWT has sent them there for a reason. Some are there to test your patience. Break that armour, that softness you have inside of you. Some are there so you can better their life, teach them lessons which you’ve learned and some are there for a purpose which we do not understand as of yet.
When people leave, in many cases, a part of you leaves with them. Human attachment on several different levels and the closer you are to them, the more it hurts to know it is time to let go. You can never prepare for these moments because your heart has become so soft towards this individual that you just yearn for them back in your life. When they do come back, it is as if everything that you’ve worked towards is finally here but I remind myself that Allah SWT is the best of planners. Sometimes it is best to let people go, rather than keeping them there without a purpose. There is so much wisdom as to why people come and go in our lives but we are so blind to see because we grown so attached. As the years go on, we come to realize this person was not the right individual for us. Sometimes you give so much of yourself to that person and no matter what, there is a lack of appreciation. There is a lack of confidence. There is a lack of trust. There is a lack of faith in Allah SWT.
I’ve noticed that shaytaan makes us fearful of what we have not even encountered yet. We come from so many different angles in our thoughts, it confuses us as to what we really want with our lives. The fear that is placed inside of us, especially of our rizq (sustenance) is the one we fear most. We’ve become so engrossed with wealth. We’ve become so engrossed in predicting everything that concerns with wealth that we often at times forget that Allah SWT has already decreed our wealth. Instead, we allow shaytaan to over power us and never go forward with life. For some people it is about degrees. For some people it is about culture and for some people it’s because their life never went a certain way, so others shouldn’t deserve the same. Fear will never allow you to live. Fear will never allow you to move. Fear will never allow you attain what may be intended for you. Why? Because you’ve allowed every doubt to turn into an excessive doubt, only for it to become your reality that you’ve accepted.
Life can be so easily lived but so hard to understand. Then when you come to think of all the “hard” things you’ve encountered, you’ve noticed you’ve become such a better person that is if you’ve allowed yourself to live to be better from the hardships. I often remind myself of the verses of the Quran whenever any hardship comes my way as it eases the difficulties which at times can be hard to comprehend.
With everything that has happened this year, I’ve accepted it all no matter the difficulty. No matter the trials in my life. These obstacles this year have only made me smile. Have only made me come closer to Allah SWT because in the end, when you leave everything behind. When the dust settles, nothing and nobody is coming with you except your deeds and the relationship you’ve created with Allah SWT. I’ve learned that with the experiences in my life, I only want to share with other people in hopes that these things don’t happen to others. My life is not rainbows. My life is not an everyday sunshine but Im proud of who I’ve become. Not an arrogant proud but a humble proud. I write so you can grasp an understanding of my life. The difficulties I’ve been through. You may read things and not find a single difficulty which I’ve written but I’ve lived it, so I write it. These writings are my experiences in life. It makes me who I am today.
Age is just a number. It is who you become that defines your life. Don’t let your age define who you are but let your experiences, your battles, your smile, define who you are. Age will never define a persons maturity or wisdom but how they’ve lived their life from those experiences, battles, will define it. Don’t only write your story but live to tell it for the betterment of others. Experiences are to be shared. Life is to be shared, which is why we get married and have kids.
At the end of this note, I can only smile with tears in my eyes and say, Alhumdulilah for everything that has happened.