Go Easy On Yourself


At times in our lives we have everything going for us. We have just graduated from school, we have a job, we are about to get married, we have a car and everything just seems so perfect! We have imagined days like this for months or even years, where everything just feels so right. All the years of being patient, all that hard work has finally come to close and a new chapter in our lives has begun. In these moments we are so happy, that we can’t even imagine things going wrong because everything is in the right place and we accept them with open arms. We begin to celebrate and even imagine all the things we will do in years to come with the new found blessings in our lives.

We also seem to forget that Allah SWT says in Surah Al-Baqara V:155: “Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods, lives and the fruits.” So how come when things are taken away or things don’t seem to go the way we imagined, we become impatient with the test in our lives? We seem to withdraw ourselves from the closest people in our lives and close all the doors that were once open. The things that we imagined that were to be is no longer happening. We crawl into this hole of misery and constantly ponder over these things that have been taken away or have never come to be. We hold onto these moments that have just passed or directly in the past and never let them go.

In these moments of our lives, we seem to find these moments the most precious moments in our lives. They seem to be golden moments or opportunities that have just slipped our hands. We can’t seem to wrap our minds around what has happened. We continue to doubt everything that we worked for and everything we put effort into. Everything we sacrificed and everything our blood and tears were shed for.

The reason why we concentrate on only these things it is because we have made these particular things a crutch in our lives. We have for so long depended on that person or that car or whatever it may have been. We have expected so much from things that we can only work and plan for but only our Creator knows what is to be. As Allah SWT says in the Surah Yasin: “Be! And It Is.” No matter what we do and how we do it, if it is not decreed by Allah SWT, it will never happen. So why is it that we can’t accept these trials and test that continue to happen in our lives? Why do we continue to put ourselves in misery out of things that are out of our control? We can only do our best each day and that is all we can do. We can constantly make duaa (supplication) to better our lives but it is Allah SWT that allows your duaas to be fulfilled at His given time and not ours. I do recall Adam (Peace be Upon Him) made duaa for 300 years before his duaa was accepted and forgiveness was accepted. But the moment our duaas are not answered within our time frame or things don’t go as planned, some of us leave our salah (obligatory prayers), some of us doubt Allah SWT and some of us sadly do consider suicide.

Never get to a point in your life where you except everything to go as planned because even you and I from a logically thinking perspective, nothing will ever go as planned every single time. That person we are seeking to marry, whom we dream about, think about and can’t live without may not end up marrying them. That job we had dreamed about after graduating and getting your masters degree may not be there after you graduate nor that car you expected to buy with that money you were going to make. We can plan every single day our lives, we can even take initiative in those plans but If Allah SWT had not decreed it for you, it won’t happen.

We need to learn to accept the good and the bad as it happens. As the bad happens at first our reaction is, “it is horrible! My life is over! I was not able to marry the person I wanted to or I was not able to get the job I wanted, I had asked Allah SWT every single day and it has not happened, why?” I remember a woman who had made du’aa every single day, hoping and praying that she would have a baby girl after she had already had given birth to a boy. She had hoped Allah SWT would answer her prayers with a baby girl but Allah SWT had planned for her to have another boy. Allah SWT had tried her with that baby boy she had and even then, she pondered as to why Allah SWT had given her boy and not a girl she had made duaa for constantly? Perhaps that son of hers will enter them into Jannah (Heaven) or provide for them when they are old in age or assit them with things they need help with as he gets older or provides them wisdom and experience.  Allah SWT blesses us in so many ways and Allah SWT protects us in so many ways. Just because our duaas have not been answered the way we wanted them to be answered, it does not mean, Allah SWT had intended something bad for us. There is always wisdom behind what Allah SWT creates and there is always going to be wisdom behind everything He does. It is for you and I to accept and understand these things as they transpire over the years.

That person you wanted to marry was not meant to be because there was someone better for you and if you had happened to marry that person, they may have mistreated you or hurt you and Allah SWT always wants to best for you. Now, some may ask, well I’ve been married to this person for so long and if Allah SWT wanted the best for me, why did I marry such a bad person? You may have not done ishtikhara (guidance prayer) or the person you had married is a trial for you itself. There may also be communication issues or things you two may not be doing to please each other for the Sake Of Allah SWT or also you two may not be praying your salah, it is a very broad issue. Allah SWT did make divorce halal for you but this does not mean, when things get tough for the first few times or whatever it is, you file for a divorce. Even that job you had attempted to get numerous times can be applied with the same logic and understanding.

Do not think bad as soon as it happens. Think of all the scenarios that could have been and think of all things that are still going to happen in your favour, in so many forms of blessings that you are yet to see in this life or the next life. We have grown accustomed to thinking negative with everything that doesn’t go our way but we don’t sit and think of all the things that have may have been prevented from what we have wanted. Always do your best to think positive in every situation and always think and know Allah SWT knows best and what is to happen is either maybe a trial for you or a blessing.

Umar Ibn Al-Khattab (May Allah Be Pleased With Him) said: “No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allah’s decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from it you cannot flee.”

2 thoughts on “Go Easy On Yourself

  1. “If Allah (swt) wills something for you, it cannot pass you by, even if it were to lay beneath two mountains. However, if Allah (swt) does not intend something for you of which you may be in want of, it will never be yours, even if it were between your two lips.”
    We live in an ADD(attention deficit disorder) society where we need everything NOW, NOW,NOW….SHOW ME A SIGN NOW…But ALLAH reminds us within His beautiful Qur’an that He loves those who have Sabr(Patience). It’s part of having discipline and remembering that we humans are not in control of our destinies…. ONLY ALLAH HAS THE FINAL SAY.
    JazakAllah khair for this beautiful piece bro Malik. May Allah bless you and all those who benefit, InshaAllah.Ameen.

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