*Authors Note* I’ve written an article titled “Women: I am Independent.” I knew when i was writing that article, quite a few people would be offended and in awe and others would be in support of it. I think it is time, I write an article “Men: I Own You!!” So here is the article I was supposed to write a while ago but had other things to write.
To the men who think that your wives can’t live without you, that they need your support, that have to bow down to you or else you’ll threaten them with divorce or you’ll use the hadith which the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “If the woman performs the five daily prayers, fast the month of Ramadan, maintains her chastity and obeys her husband, she will enter paradise through whichever door she chooses.” [Al-Musnad] How dare you use a hadith to take advantage of your wives? The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) also said: “The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family.” [Tirmidhi] These hadiths are for you to think, reflect and understand, not there for you to take advantage of them. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) was the best to his family, example his wives. Many men come from a background where they have done absolutely nothing, while their mothers have taken care of them, cooked for them, cleaned for them, basically they’ve been spoiled or they’ve been told “this is not a job for you, this is a woman’s job.” So they’ve formed a belief, a mentality that only their wives are supposed to do these things, the house work. This is far from a culture issue and many people will say, this stems from cultures but it does not. It comes from how they are raised in a home.
Now, you’ll have a man say, “well, in Surah An-Nisa Allah SWT says, I am in the maintainer and protecter of the women, He didn’t say, I have to cook and clean!” This is where you come to the belief that you are only supposed to do as you are told and you are, masha’Allah, if you are maintaining and protecting your women but you also forget, that we as an ummah, men and women, follow also The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him). It was narrated by Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allah used to “sew his own clothes, mend his shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes.” [Al-Musnad]. So how come you’ve come under the belief that your wives are only to do all the house work and them alone? Isn’t the Messenger of Allah an example for us? Allah SWT says in Surah An-Nisa: “O, Mankind, fear your Lord, who has created you from a single soul and created from it, its mate and from them both, many men and many women and fear Allah through whom you demand your mutual rights and indeed Allah is ever watchful over you.”
But instead what you do is either abuse your wife verbally or physically or never appreciate what is done. Just because you are the maintainer and protecter of your women, your wives, this does not mean you oppress them. Allah SWT did give the men rights over their wives but He also has given rights to the wives over their husband but you often forget these things and only abuse your power for your benefit.
Allah SWT has given you a responsibility for your wife, just as her parents have given you that responsibility and trust that you will love her, take care of her and do your best to keep her happy. Imagine one day, your daughter was to marry a man, you would have the same belief in mind that he is going to love her, take care of her and do his best to keep her happy, right? But instead he didn’t. How much would it hurt you to know that your daughter was being physically and verbally abused, to only be married as a slave for him? You would be hurt to the point where you would want to hurt this man! Allah SWT didn’t create women as slaves, so why speak and order your wife as a slave? Would you allow another man to do that your daughter, of course you wouldn’t. It would anger you to watch that take place or hear about it.
As men being the maintainers, this does not give you the right to abuse your power because you may be the bread winner in the home. None of the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them all) did that. Where did the Companions learn the treatment of the women from? From the book of Allah, the Quran and the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him). Allah SWT also says in Surah An-Nisa “live with them in kindness.” So where did the harsh treatment of women come from? Where did you believe it was right for you to undermine your wife efforts in the home and to not appreciate her? Why be unjust to your wife or your wives, when Allah SWT says also in Surah An-Nisa to “deal with them justly”
Men, whatever you do in your home to your wife, your daughters may marry a man who may do the same to her and whatever you do your wife, your sons may do the same to their wives. You are a role model for your children, so shape them, mould them to the way the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) and his treatment to the ummah (nation) and his wives. You will be questioned for your treatment of your wives and how you also raised and took care of your family. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Beware. every one of you is a shepherd and every one is answerable with regard to his flock. The Caliph is a shepherd over the people and shall be questioned about his subjects (as to how he conducted their affairs). A man is a guardian over the members of his family and shall be questioned about them (as to how he looked after their physical and moral well-being). A woman is a guardian over the household of her husband and his children and shall be questioned about them (as to how she managed the household and brought up the children). A slave is a guardian over the property of his master and shall be questioned about it (as to how he safeguarded his trust). Beware, every one of you is a guardian and every one of you shall be questioned with regard to his trust. [Shahih Muslim] So be careful as you will questioned for what you do and their treatment and how you’ve helped raised your kids.
May Allah protect us from these bad manners, ill treatments and guide us to the way The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) treated the ummah, his family and his wives. Ameen.