My friend and I we usually meet up every weekend and just chill, relax and get something to eat. He had told me today, yesterday was his 1 year wedding anniversary. Alhumdulilah (Thanks To Allah), how many people now-a-days get through even the first 3 months or even 6 months? Being married for a year now is an accomplishment now-a-days, so shout to my boy, you know who you are. May Allah SWT bless you and your family for years to come and more.
We had ended up discussing relationships and how when boyfriends and girlfriends are always so attached and always wanting to prove and proclaim their love for one another. The boyfriend is dressing up, looking fresh and fly for his girl and the girlfriend is dressing up, looking fresh and stunning for her man. They go beyond the limits and comfort zone just so they can prove their worth and proclaim that love is there for one another.
Every weekend or during the week they get together and go really nice places or even to the movies, just so they can spend time together. Both of them are constantly being told and complemented they are a very cute couple and they look like they are meant to be together. They go on dates, the boyfriend buys her flowers, really nice gifts and the girlfriend is doing the same thing for him, just so again, they can constantly prove their love for one another.I know some of my Muslim brothers and sisters will be reading this and say, “astugferullah brother! These types of relationships are haram!!!!” Yeah, I know DUH! Thank you stating the obvious.
I am not here condoning a relationship like this. I am only here to ask you, the reader and giving a few lessons to the to be married and the married, when was the last time, if there was a last time you actually went out of your comfort zone to prove your love the way you used to love physically or in a materialistic way, for your spouse? Everyone knows love cannot be proved in a materialistic way but even you and I know a gift from anyone close to you brings a smile to your face and makes the relationship or friendship that much closer.
When was the last time you and your spouse spent time together and went to the places you used to goto before you were married? If you’ve never been in that type of relationship, when was the last time you took your spouse out to a nice place to eat? When was the last time you and your spouse dressed nicely for one another? The wedding day does not count nor do the days after the wedding count. When was the last time you actually brought your wife home some of her favourite flowers or chocolate? When was the last time you two went out for a walk together? This doesn’t include grocery shopping because that is a must if you are married. If you cannot recall these things at anytime during your marriage or the only time you recall these moments was when you were dating each other, on the wedding day and a few days after, why did you stop now or how come you haven’t started?
Does being married mean it is the end of the show that you can’t do those types of things anymore? Why is that those that are in haram relationships are so willing to do everything for their girlfriend or boyfriend but those that are married, in a halal relationship, that have been giving the blessings, fulfilling a sunnah, don’t even budge or consider these things anymore? Being married does not mean you cut the line that once brought you in that fish but married means, you are able to fish more efficiently.
Instead of cutting the line, why not do all the things you always wanted to do with your spouse? Why not do all the things you used to do before you were married? Your spouse I’m sure is craving that type of attention that was once there before or even your spouse hopes and dreams they are able to live outside of the make believe hollywood movie that broadcasts romance and love.
Allah SWT has given you the halal means of being married, so why not use it to your advantage? Take your spouse out once a month or twice a month or whatever your budget is able to afford. Dress up nicely, wear perfume or cologne, attar, which your spouse enjoys smelling and clothes you two like seeing each other in. Get dinner or lunch reservations, eat some great food, have a great conversation and spark inside each other a love that is untapped and waiting to be explored.
Even Abdullah Ibn Abbas (May Allah Be Pleased With Him), one of the companions of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) loved dressing up for his wife. Abdullah Ibn Abbas (May Allah Be Pleased With Him) said: “I love that I beautify myself for my wife just like I love that she beautifies herself for me.” Musannaf ibn Abi Shaybah. Im sure if Abdullah Ibn Abbas (May Allah Be Pleased With Him) was alive in our times now, he would be probably be rocking the flyest outfits just for his wife. In Islam we have examples of how to treat and respect each other. Islam explains how to make love to one another. Islam explains how to treat husband and wife but we stop trying or don’t even try because we feel safe in our marriage thinking our spouses don’t need this type of treatment. It’s not whether you think they need the treatment or not, its you should be doing it out of appreciation for one another. Im sure your spouse does a lot which is unseen and even though the love you show is there but there is so much more to marriage than just living together, eating the food your spouse makes, sleeping in the same bed and going grocery shopping.
Be alive and show and prove more than ever that your spouse means a lot to you. Go to dinner, buy gifts, go for walks, dress up nicely and do whatever is imaginable and is within halal means. Come out of your comfort zone and do something nice for once or do things which you used to do before you were married, so that match, that spark can be lit again.