Women: “I Am Independent”

*This is not an attack on women. A topic, article had popped up yesterday and it had inspired me to write this. 

To the women who feel they’ve accomplished so much that they sit there and brag about their achievements in life compared to others and pass off suitable spouses. Remember, Allah SWT had given you the ability to achieve and accomplish all this in your life and much more. Instead, you sit there with your head held up high, ego boosted up and say, “I accomplished this in my life.” “I will make $80,000 a year and my husband should be making more and if he doesn’t, I will be independent until then.” I really want you to think about this. Allah SWT had given you so much and at the same time, he may be testing you with what He had given you. Perhaps you making more money than your husband is a form of your rizq (sustenance) given to you by Allah. Why do you choose to belittle others who have not chose to tread the same path as you? Just because you had accomplished so many things, Masha’Allah, does that allow you to throw the word “independent” in other people’s face?

Let’s look at the mother of the believers. The first Muslimah, Khadija (May Allah Be Pleased With Her). She had owned her own business. She was making money. She could have been independent and just as many women today throw the word independent in their husband’s face or suitable spouse face, she didn’t. Isn’t this an example there for us to think and reflect? Isn’t she a role model there for us to show that financial support is from both sides of the charts and not only one side? Isn’t there enough to show us, the ummah, that finances don’t mean the world and the taqwa, the deen and eman are so much more?

Instead, you sit there and gloat in your accomplishments, throwing around the word “independent.” No one is independent in this world and no one ever will be. We all rely on Allah for everything, in the good times and bad times. When you needed to be successful, who did you make du’aa to help you achieve those accomplishments? Allah. When you were ready to take a test, who did you turn to help you pass that test? Allah. So where did this word “independent” come from? The western culture has allowed you to shape your mind and allowed you to believe you are independent and the only person you need is yourself. Which is untrue. Your parents depend on one another. Isn’t this an example for you to think and reflect? Has your mother ever thrown the word independent at your father? Has your father thrown the word independent at your mother? Most likely, they haven’t because they understand the value of marriage and relationships. They are also aware of the rights upon one another given to them by Allah.

Don’t boast or brag or think you are independent because you’ve accomplished so much in your life. Everything you may have been given is probably a test on you. Allah provides for everybody. So why do you choose to think you are better off alone? Why do you choose to think, you making more money than your husband makes you better than him and he is much lower than you? Are we not ranked by the piety? Are we not judged by Allah SWT?

Free yourself of this way of thinking, as you may think what you have is good enough and if my husband leaves, my accomplishments, my money, will make a way for me. You are incorrect, Allah SWT always make a way for people. That money, those accomplishments were given to you by Allah SWT. Marriage is about two people, equity, rights over one another. Not about who has more money and who has accomplished more. I just want you to think and reflect. No one is independent, we all are dependent and everything is given and taken away by no one else, other than Allah SWT.

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3 thoughts on “Women: “I Am Independent”

  1. This reminds me of what a friend of a friend of mine had written. It’s in regards to what you’ve discussed here referring to how educated women tend to use their degrees against their brothers. Although she specifically talks about African American women, this really pertains to ALL WOMEN! It’s a sad truth that I see more often than some care to admit…..

    “Stop using that degree you earned against our brothers and sisters who didn’t; it makes you nothing more and it makes them nothing less. Furthermore, stop going around thrashing your “educated opinions” on everyone like God made you his only begotten. I see so many women belittle and degrade a man just because she feels she epitomizes a, “strong black woman.” There is more to being a strong black woman than deciding to a wear a perm or go natural.

    Paying your own bills doesn’t make you a strong independent black woman, honey, it makes you an adult. Rolling your neck and smacking your lips every time you believe you’ve made a valid point, makes you annoying. Telling a man you don’t know that he is not good enough or does not have enough to be with you, makes you self-righteous. Carrying assumptions about people you’ve never taken the time to converse with, makes you an ass. Competing with other women when you are not an athlete, makes you insecure. Being pretty should only make you thankful to your parents and God. Doing all of these things on a regular basis and labeling it “strong” is foolish. Focusing too much on what you are and what he’s not may contribute in large part to why you’re single.

    I am a strong black woman because I said so, not because I do the things society tells me it takes to be. I am educated, not because of my college degree, but because I’ve never stopped learning from life and other people. I don’t care if you wear a perm or go natural or if your complexion is light or dark because I am confident in my beauty; and I see yours even if you don’t. I work because I enjoy it. I don’t compete because I know that what God has for me shall be. I am strong because I am complex. I read and write, watch reality TV, love my tool belt, lipstick, blush, nail, polish, coloring books and puzzles. I shop at Saks, Dots and anything in between. I AM STRONG BECAUSE I CAN ADMIT THAT I AM WEAK.

    I am weak when I forget to pray in the morning, I am weak when I don’t rest for hours at a time, I am weak when I watch the news and hear about babies being slain. I am weak when I break my diet, when I curl in a ball because the glory of being a woman has resided in my body for the next seven days. I am weak when I hear a good love or gospel song. I am weak when that man of mine kisses me and says “I love you and your breakfast is ready!” I am weak when my friends and family are hurting. I am strong because I know when I am weak and I embrace it fully. I am as strong as my greatest support system so I am never foolish enough to believe I am a strong black woman that does it all on her own.”

    ~ Nicole Lawrence

  2. what’s written above may be true to some extent in some sisters cases, but I find that independent attitude to be a reaction to male chauvinism in some cultures..for example: when muslim men of all ages and income groups stress on women’s beauty as a prerequisite to her being marriageable, (mens standard being based on imitated plastic beauty standards of unattaianble measures).. women largely feel rejected and dont find a solid man of character in the single muslim man of today, who is insistent of his own personal preferences of beauty and submissiveness and quite cold to women’s sensitivities..with such shallow men of today, perhaps sticking to a decent profession seems to be a better alternative…thats also another prespective. Not saying that the above mentioned scenario does not exist..

    • No doubt sister. Culture has a lot to do with how we react and how look at certain things. It’s mainly the main issue when it comes to being egotistical and being harsh and rough. Always filling a certain role. Just as in the Prophet’s time, Ibn Haabis said: I have ten children, and I have never kissed any of them. I guess as they believed they were too macho to do it. Men kissing their children? Then the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings be Upon Him) said: He who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy. Also another hadith in Bukhari and Muslim, a bedouin came and asked the Prophet, “Do you kiss your sons? We do not.” The Prophet said, “What can I do for you if Allah has removed mercy from your heart?” This removes the mentality of machoism or whatever people want to call it, culture.

      I believe the independent mentality is surely from the Western Culture. It’s what makes woman want to use their own type of muscle when things get rough and tough. That’s why I used the example of Khadija (May Allah Be Pleased With Her). She could have flexed all her muscle in the presence of the Prophet because she was basically the bread winner in the family. She had her business and she was the wealthiest at that time as well but she never flexed her muscles nor did she ever say, I am independent and I don’t need you because I own all this.

      What really hurts the ummah, truthfully, is this culture mentality and Islam does away with it. Asides from food inside culture, clothing, there is nothing else I guess that represents or should be embedded into Islam. Men who are insistent that beauty triumphs everything else of a woman has definitely, I guess strayed away from the Sunnah Of the Messenger Of Allah. The Messenger Of Allah was also sensitive to Aysha (May Allah Be Pleased With Her). As he knew when she was upset and when she was happy with him. When she was upset with him, she would say, I swear by the Lord Of Ibraheim and when she was happy with him, she would say, I swear by the Lord Of Muhammad. This is how the Prophet would react to her. He literally said to her. I know when you are upset with me and I know when you are happy with me. You swear by such and such when you are upset with me and you swear by such and such when you are happy with me.

      Sticking to a profession doesn’t fulfill a sunnah. It only fulfills your needs. I understand, the type of men out there are definitely hard to find but through patience and time, Insha’Allah, things will fall into place. Never worry about tomorrow or the day after or weeks or months or years after. The best of planners is Allah. We do what we are required to do today, with the best effort and intention put fort and leave the rest to Allah.

      In my opinion, if my wife wants to work, she is free to work. If she wants to drive, she is free to drive. I just don’t want her to throw her muscle in my face because she may or may not bring in more money than me. That is it. We love and do as the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) did. It is the best way.

      You are more than welcome to offer me any type of advice and leave comments. Don’t be afraid to do it. I will not judge you. It will always be on discussion terms.

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