If you see a status about marriage or about working together, it’s because I want things to work and people to grow together. Divorce rate is around 51% and probably climbing. Some say it’s because of finances, some say it’s because they aren’t compatible. I don’t know what it is, all I know in my mind is how a couple should work together. Then some people will say, its because people don’t fear Allah! They have no taqwah! Then some people say, it’s because it’s not done how our parents have done it by getting an arranged marriage and just sticking through it.
I don’t know what it really is but I do believe, if Allah puts you two together, you two work together no matter what it is. You chose that person for a reason and she chose you for a reason. If you give up because finances aren’t right, then you probably ended up marrying that person because you feel your lifestyle, the one you came from in your parents home should be the same. No, it’ll never be the same! She may be rich, you may be poor or you may be middle class. Each of you are different individuals coming from different backgrounds and lifestyles.
Most people now-a-days give up when life gets tough instead of trying to work together and trying to communicate. It’s like a boxer who has a dysfunctional corner team and he continues to lose but won’t communicate with the corner team, so they can get some wins and become contenders or even world champions.
Then there are some people who only marry for a pretty face or handsome face. Get a reality check, that stuff is going to fade. Your beautiful wife may end up unattractive one day after popping 1 or 2 kids and your handsome husband may become fat one day and unattractive because he over eats. It’s the reality of it and if you can’t check yourself over it and you are chasing and chasing this image that may last for a few short years or whatever Allah wills, then you are going to be disappointed.
Also, there are some men or some women who expect their spouse to have all these crazy, wild, expectations before marriage. You need to ask yourself, if what I am expecting from this person, do I have these things as well? If you don’t, who are you to expect these things from a person? Islamically, I understand and know, the man is the maintainer and protecter of the women but if the man is at least trying, give the man some credit, lower your over and above expectations and at least consider it, be patient.
If you expect the guy to be an established individual, who carries all these crazy credentials, then Im going to say, you watch too much damn T.V. You need to differ from make believe and reality and stick to one. There is nothing wrong with having expectations cause it’s what everyone has when they go out. They expect food to taste a certain way, a car to drive a certain way because they are your own expectations but if you expect a Honda to drive like a Ferrari and you are disappointed because your Honda doesn’t drive like one, then you are a fool! If you go into McDonalds, expecting service like a high end restaurant, then you are fool!
Your dreams of a dream husband or wife will always be there but to say, I will wait for this right one because they don’t check all the boxes in my expectations box, then you are probably missing out something good for you. If the person is lazy, doesn’t do nothing, has no goals, doesn’t want to do nothing with their life, wants to live their life camping out for Jordans, iPhones or whatever other materialistic item, then you have a right to say, NOOO!! A person has to be at least responsible for themselves, to be at least responsible for someone else. If they aren’t even a bit responsible by taking care of themselves and you know damn well, this person to me doesn’t look like they want to have a bright future ahead of them, drop them.
You two at least need to be compatible, open minded and be accepting of certain things. Your spouse to be may be totally different from you and after you two are married, you find out things about him that you dislike or your wife has certain things in her that you dislike. Over look those smaller things, don’t make it a such a big issue. Your spouse can’t always please you and mirror this imaginary woman or man that you’ve created in your mind. That person is NEVER coming true. Over look the smaller issues in the marriage. You can’t attempt to change someone unless they know themselves, they have to change because it’s affecting their way of living. To them, it’s normal and they see there is nothing wrong with me but until they see it, they’ll realize, that maybe something is wrong with me. Only thing you can do is advise them in a kind way and be loyal to your spouse, be as patient as possible. Im not saying be abused by your spouse, become bruised, battered or verbally abused and become messed up psychologically because that’s you or anyone shouldn’t stand for. If that is happening then you need to seek help from someone that will advise what is best for you because it may turn into something worse.
Everything takes time. Just as you grew up and learned to become maybe a teacher or a mechanic, it all happened through time. You just didn’t wake up one day, grabbed a tool and fixed a car without knowing what you are doing, did you? You didn’t just wake up one day, stood in front of a class and decided to teach mathematics but can’t even do the fundamentals, did you? Of course not. So just as you grew and your parents grew to accept your personality or your friends, your spouse will too but if you crazy, got an ego problem, isn’t open minded, thinks my spouse needs to be like whatever crazy reality tv star or show is on now-a-days, then you need to really check yourself because you may think, everything you are today is right but it will only lead you to your destruction because you choose not to learn and better yourself.