Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem (In the Name of God, the Compassionate, the Merciful)
For the couple who are looking to get married, get your deen up and start practicing. You will have kids one day, you will have to teach them about Islam one day because the Madresa (school) is not going to be sufficient for them. You might think, I send my child to madresa and it should be good enough, my child will learn and be a good Muslim. It is not the Masjids responsibility to raise your children to be outstanding individuals or Muslims, nor can they help you fix your child, while they are being disobedient at home. The foundation begins at home, from the parents themselves, being outstanding individuals and raising the child in a loving home, where the child does not feel neglected, nor is the child spoiled and becomes a brat. It is up to the parents to teach the proper aqeeda (beliefs) and fundamentals and how a child should be as a Muslim, with good manners and a good understanding, a basic understanding, where both parents are involved. Yes, a child does learn the most from the mother but the father should be a figure in the home as well, because the mother cannot play a father’s roles and a father cannot play a mothers role in terms of showing different kinds of emotions to that child.
Many parents have that belief, I send my children to madresa and it’ll fix them up. No, again, it is not their responsibility. The teachers are only teachers and not parents. You must have a bond with your children in order for them grow within a good home and for them to develop these manners and understandings. Where the manners from the parents reflect off the child. Your child is the mirror of you. How you treat your spouse, your child will or may end up having that belief or do certain actions because the child thinks it is the appropriate way. How you respond to the younger children, the eldest child will respond in the same firm way or loving and caring way. A child needs to be nurtured in loving way but also needs the right amount of discipline to show not everything is about fun games and not everything they do from their young, developing minds is correct. If the parents are able to set that firm guideline with the child and also leaving doors open for the child to communicate because you are loving them in a correct way, the child will be open and easy with you, just as you are open and easy with them.
Don’t build a barrier for a child, where they are unable to communicate with you because of your upbringings from your father or mother who were firm and harsh with you. It is one of the reasons why, you as a parent may not know many of the things your children are dealing with because you have shut off that valve of communication being too firm and too harsh with them. There is a time for being firm and there is a time for being easy. When you raise your child in an environment where it is easy for them to be open with you, they are able to speak with you with ease and openness. Then they also know, whatever I may be doing wrong, my parents will be firm with me but this involves both parents agreeing to the discipline being given out or the child will look to the other side and will continuously slide away from the discipline that only develops their understanding as they are growing in the age of being a teenager, where it only becomes a tougher task, as the child may be out of control, as one parent has continuously avoided the child from being disciplined.
Learn to love your child with ease, openness, care and good manners which begin in the home. Where it begins from the reflection the parents whom have grown and bonded with each other, due to the joining of hearts by Allah. Do not be like the people of the past, whom did not kiss their children and were ashamed to kiss their children or show them love. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) would kiss, hug and play with his children. He is our guide and our Messenger and has been sent down to mankind to guide us to the correct way of living, a balanced way of living. Not to the extreme where you are so harsh on your children, that the children do not even share a matter that is or may be have an effect on how they grow. Be balanced and know that the deen (religion) is by far more important than having a career and being able to provide for your child. As Islam is perfect but Muslims aren’t and we must do our best to live and breathe according to the correct way of living as the end for all of us is one way. We all be questioned on how we raised our children and what we have taught them. As the young years, is the best years for developing the child’s mind, it is easy for them to learn and have the proper manners.
Insha’Allah, we all in still this belief into our minds that we will be parents who will guide our children to the best of our abilities and not depend on others to raise our children for us, as the children have come from us and not from those who think, they should have to be like. Your child wants to be like you, not like anyone else. Not like their teacher or anyone. And as long as you are doing your best to follow the Sunnah (Way Of Living) of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him), insha’Allah, your child will grow according to the good manners and way of living the Messenger Of Allah has left behind for all of mankind as a blueprint.