Advice For Men/Women Looking For A Spouse

Keep it Halal (Permissible) 

Here a few things I recommend:When looking for a life time partner, we create images in our minds of how our partner is going to be. We imagine how we will be treated and all these things that will take place. In order to find a successful partner, you must take those images, those fantasies out of your mind. All your doing is creating someone of your liking and not accepting what is already created. Relationships are destroyed because we attempt to create someone, to mold them to our liking. It doesn’t strengthen a relationship nor does it create a relationship. It only breaks and damages a relationship. We can’t create people, that is not our job. Personalities are already in place, so why change what’s there?

In order to accept what is already in place, you must learn to adapt to their likings. You can’t just have a relationship based on your likings only. Remember, it is two now. So whatever your significant other is interested in, I suggest you take interest in them as well. Not saying you must become a yes man but become someone who will sit down, talk to their significant other about their interest. If you don’t like them, you don’t like them. At least you’ve shown your significant other that you’ve shown interest but it is not for you. Rather than you complaining about your significant others interest, be interested, attempt to be interested. If you enjoy video games, get your significant other to sit down, hand them the controller and try to get them involved. Teach them. They will appreciate that and it will go along way.

Also, be attentive. Listen. Listen to details of conversations. Remember them, not all of them but remember bits and pieces. If you don’t want your significant other saying, “You weren’t listening to me?” Then you better listen. Because your significant other is going to be at your throat because you pretended to listen. Pay attention to small details whether it was about their day, their interest, their ups and their downs. Again, it will go along way in that relationship. When you bring up small things like this, it makes them happy because you were paying attention and you were showing that you care.

Give them space. Don’t clog up their air. Don’t continue to call up their phone every couple of hours. Don’t be in their ear, every single day. They may say they like the attention but they will eventually get annoyed. It will only create friction and you two will fight. You don’t want that. You want a healthy relationship, not one with friction involved. So give them space. Even when they are down and they don’t want to talk, give them space. Leave them alone!! They’ll come back to you and speak about their emotions because they have had time to clear their mind. Let them come clean with their emotions, don’t force it. They’ll just get angry and it’ll make them feel worse. Then when the time is right, comfort them. Show them that you care, uplift them and be positive.

Materialistic patches. If you and your significant other are fighting, and you decide to buy them a gift to fix it, sorry, it’s not fixing nothing. Yeah, sure It’ll only make them happy for a few days but after that, whatever you bought them will go right back into the corner with all the things you’ve already bought them. So instead of spending your money, spend the time to fix whatever the problem is. Acknowledge the problem at hand before it erupts like a fire. Once the fire erupts, it’ll be hard to put out those flames. Value your time, rather than valuing the materialistic object which will be forgotten.This is my final one.

Nothing is in the physical. So if your waiting for someone in a physical form to approach you, you’ll never find it. Stop chasing the physical and start looking for knowledge. Start looking for a personality. Beauty disappears. Personality remains, knowledge remains, grows. Beauty extinguishes just like fire but over time. Get someone who has the same interest as you. Not completely the same because when you want to do something, they’ll want to be involved and you don’t want them to be involved all the time. You don’t want a complainer either. You want someone that will suit your personality and compliment your personality. So find someone with a personality, not with an image that disappears every time they wake up or when they wash their face.

Good luck in your search. Follow those guidelines and inshallah (If Allah Wills), you’ll find your significant other. Don’t settle for less, settle for what you think your worth, not what they think your worth. Know your worth. Let things happen. Like how a river flows without any interruption, with perfection, let it happen just like that.

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