What’s Love Got To Do With It

I had just finished reading an article titled “Whats Love Got To Do With It” by Abu Esa Niamatullah and he touched on a few things in that article about pre-marriage and marriage. I will post a link at the bottom. As many of you know from my writings, I seem to write a lot about marriage for some odd reason but it just seems to happen. Abu Esa had touched on quite a few things in that article which I found to be really true. So I thought, I’d just share my opinion which was influenced and inspired by that article.

What he says in the article is true. Those that marry for looks and wealth, eventually vanish. It is the same as owning a vehicle that has first come out. The ride is fly and the interior is dope. The perks that come with it are great. Heated and leather seats, GPS and all that but once you’ve spent enough time with it, there is another vehicle out there that is better than that so you part ways with that vehicle and go buy another one. The “love” for it fades and another new love grows for something else because you’ve only looked at the physical part of the car, people in general buy cars because of how it looks.

It’s the same when it comes to a spouse. After looking at her/him a million times, you say masha’Allah, you are beautiful/handsome. After spending the wealth, you say, masha’Allah, you are very wealthy but if there is nothing else that comes with them, then you’ve pretty much lost yourself, hurt yourself and hurt them because it’ll more than likely go no where else and the marriage itself will fade, just like clothes that have been washed several times.

When you do find someone as Abu Esa has said in the article, that fears Allah and has not been touched by another man, coming out of heart breaking relationships you will possibly be in good hands but this does not mean, you will not have issues or the marriage itself will be successful because Allah is the best of planners and the test that come in marriage itself, no one knows and no one knows the strength of a person either and how they will deal with things when there comes a point in that relationship pressure is put on and the pipes are about to burst.

If you want to marry someone who has a degree or has a PhD because you’ve attained one, feel free to marry that person who also has one because you want the best for yourself. Don’t just set up things where if the person who has everything about them that you like but doesn’t have a PhD don’t just turn that person down. A person with or without a degree shouldn’t be a measuring stick in marriage if that person has everything you have been looking for. As he also touched in his article, it has become the main reason men go back home to their countries marrying someone who probably does not hold a degree or is not as educated as someone in their current city. They feel this woman will not shoot him down and he can be the man on throne and can’t be challenged by someone who may be more intellectual than him and will just do as he pleases. It is a pretty close minded reason to do so to take advantage of someone who has not been given the means to educate themselves compared to people who have had it handed to them. I know parents who say, marry someone who is a door knob because she will do whatever you want and won’t challenge you. That is also close minded and thinking low of a person and also taking advantage of them, which we shouldn’t do. The less one knows, the less one will speak and just obey. Isn’t it what the media expects of us? The government as well? That’s a different topic, of course.

He also touches on married couples compromising. If you cannot compromise even a few things in marriage, you will cause so many problems for yourself in the marriage. You will cause so many issues that shouldn’t even be there. Marriage is always going to be about two people. Your parents may have given you everything and always given you your way because you’ve cried and pouted but it isn’t going to work the same here when you are married. More than likely, that person won’t take your crap eventually and then may end up leaving you or they’ll be distant from you. You’ll still live in the same house but will be distant. That relationship will start to crumble, so you must learn to compromise. Your wishes, your own desires may end up becoming secondary as your decisions will either make that person happy or will anger that person. It becomes a thinking game. It becomes what is more important and who is more important? Although one must not sacrifice their Islam nor compromise their Islam for anyone, no matter what the situation is. Put the egos, the pride aside and learn to work together. All teams that have won championships won because they have learned to work together. No team in the history of any sport has won because of just one single person. A person on the team may be the star player but it took team work, communication, practice to be a championship quality team.

Learn to also appreciate your significant other. Say a few good words whenever you feel it should be said. If your wife looks beautiful, say you look beautiful. If your husband looks handsome, say he is handsome. If you love your husband, say I love you. If you love your wife, say I love you. If you find something your wife wears and you think she looks like the moon in the sky, which is amazingly beautiful, ask her to wear it and compliment her. Same can be said about your husband. I know Mufti Menk posted a status today about women not dressing up in their homes but get dressed up to leave the house without their husbands. It’s because the husbands have not taken the time to even look at their wives and give her a compliment, so she is out getting compliments and gazes from other people. I remember in a lecture a husband had never complimented his wife cooking in 25 years and the lecturer had given a compliment about the food and the wife started crying. He had asked her, why are you crying? She said, in the 25 years I have been married, my husband has never complimented my cooking and here you are, the first day eating my food and you’ve told me it’s good. Don’t shy away from these moments because your spouse does want to feel appreciated, women more in general. They know they are loved but they want to be told they are loved. Just as Aisha (May Allah Be Pleased With Her) had to confirm that the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) had loved her. She would ask: “How is your love for me?” The Messenger Of Allah would reply, “like the rope’s knot.” Even many times after she would ask, “how is the knot?” and again, he would reply, “the same as ever!” So take the opportunity to reassure to your wife you love her even though there are many things you may do, that shows you love her. Women love to hear the words that they are loved, so say it. Women are created differently from men.

In the end, just be patient. New marriages are just like new jobs. It takes patience and it takes time for everything to fit together. You won’t get along with your new co-workers just as yet but once you make that effort to get to know them, it’ll eventually work. Same as marriage. You must constantly make that effort and always be willing to take an extra step forward to make things right., for everything to fit and not everyday will be like the first day of marriage and not everyday will be you two fighting but if you are two willing to look past the smaller issues and just really and truly work together and love each other for the Sake Of Allah, Insha’Allah, things will work.

Article: http://kalamullah.com/whats-love.html

Interesting Things You May Not Know About Islam

There are many things which the media says about Islam but in fact, a majority of time spreads falsehood about Islam. Islam has always been a religion of peace and continues to be a religion of peace today. Many people have grown to belief that a person who makes a mistake and comes from the religion of Islam, all the people who practice the religion of Islam are like that too. I’d like to pose to the person who thinks this way a question. If someone in your family had committed a murder, should that person actions be viewed the same way, as everyone else in the family, because that person had committed a murder, everyone else in the family or in that lineage is a murderer as well? That would be absurd and unjust to think that way, wouldn’t it? So because a person makes a mistake or because the media says a person has done an act does not mean, it is tied to everyone else who follows that way of life or is apart of that family.

Islam is a way of life for the billions of people who practice it around the world. When you do encounter a Muslim, take sometime to actually ask some questions and get to know what Islam is really about or get to know the person who is a Muslim is all about. Islam has always taught ways to act and treat others. This way has been in the Quran and the ways of The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him). I ask everyone who has read this to at least share this blog with whomever you can and raise awareness about Islam. The media can say whatever it wants but it cannot speak for the Muslims or anyone else.

At times we must educate others and show the right way of living to those who choose to believe every little thing without being informed what is right and what is wrong. It is not right for us to go out and burn flags or cause chaos as this image is what they want us to portray.

If I have made any mistakes in my blog, feel free to contact me and I will change it.

Islam has no colour, has no race. When we meet another Muslim, we greet them with the sayings of Assalam-u-alaikum (May peace be upon you) and the greeted replies back with Waalikumussalam (May Peace Be Upon You Too)

Muslims once ruled Spain from 711-1492. Every person living under Islamic rule, Shariah Law, lived together, worked together and traded together without any issues. That was with Christians and Jews. There was no such thing as interest because in Islam, interest is forbidden. Every person living under Shariah Law gave a percentage of their wealth to the less fortunate and that is only 2.5% of their entire year of earnings and still continue to do so today.

Islam is over 1400 years old but was practiced by all the messengers before Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) that was worshiping One God.

We do not worship Muhammad Ibn Abdullah (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him), who is the last and Final Messenger Of Allah. After him, there was no more. He is the seal of the Prophets. We do not worship the moon, the sun or the stars, as this is a pagan belief. In fact, the star and moon symbol is older than Islam itself.

Islam accepts people from all races. Only a little under 20% of Muslims are Arabs. The first black man to enter Islam his name was Bilaal Ibn Rabaah (May Allah Be Pleased With Him).

Bilaal Ibn Rabaah (May Allah Be Pleased With Him) was once a slave, whipped and tortured because he believed in One God. He was eventually freed by Abu Bakr Sidiqq (May Allah Be Pleased With Him), one of the closest friends and father in law of The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him). Islam had actually abolished slavery in the times of The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him).

Bilaal Ibn Rabaah was also the first man to give the call for Salat (5 obligatory daily prayers) which is one of the 5 pillars of Islam.

Islam does not oppress women. In fact, Islam has given rights to women before women in the Western World were even allowed to vote. Women are allowed to educate themselves. Women are able to spend their money wherever they like and that is without her husband permission. She is allowed to visit her parents. She is also allowed to drive.

It is not permissible in Islam for a woman to be forced to marry anyone. She has a right to say yes or no to whom she pleases.

Just as you protect your money by putting it into the bank or your wallet, women protect themselves from lustful gazes by wearing the hijab (clothing that covers them) or niqab (veil).

All the prophets that came before The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) all worshiped one God.

We do believe in Jesus but not as a God or as Son Of God. He is a Prophet in Islam and his name is Isa (Peace Be Upon Him) and it is pronounced E-sa. We also believe in his mother Mary. Her name is Mariam (Peace Be Upon Her)

Islam does not promote suicide bombings or killing of innocent people. Murder in islam is a big sin. Nor does a man get 72 virgins for a suicide bombing.

Muslims do not believe in reincarnation nor do we worship idols. When you die, you die, that is it. But in Islam, we do believe there is a life after next and we all will meet the Creator Of The Heavens And The Earth and we will be judged based on our actions and our time spent in the life we are living now.

Once a person accepts Islam all of their past sins are forgiven and they start in Islam with a fresh start.

We do not worship the so called black box. That so called black box was built by the Prophet Ibraheim (Peace Be Upon Him) and his son Ishmael (Peace Be Upon Him) and its name is the Kaaba. The Kabaa is the direction all the Muslims around the world pray towards.

In the Quran we have a Surah (Chapter) which we all can relate to as there many other Surahs we can relate to as well. The Surah which I am referring to about deals with jealousy, envy, temptations and patience. It is Surah Yusuf. Which chapter 12 in the Quran.

In the Quran Allah challenges mankind to create a book like the Quran, in the second chapter, Surah Al-Baqarah (The Cow), Allah says: And if you are in doubt about what We have sent down upon Our Servant [Muhammad], then produce a surah the like thereof and call upon your witnesses other than Allah, if you should be truthful. Allah also says  “This is the Book about which there is no doubt”

Women: “I Am Independent”

*This is not an attack on women. A topic, article had popped up yesterday and it had inspired me to write this. 

To the women who feel they’ve accomplished so much that they sit there and brag about their achievements in life compared to others and pass off suitable spouses. Remember, Allah SWT had given you the ability to achieve and accomplish all this in your life and much more. Instead, you sit there with your head held up high, ego boosted up and say, “I accomplished this in my life.” “I will make $80,000 a year and my husband should be making more and if he doesn’t, I will be independent until then.” I really want you to think about this. Allah SWT had given you so much and at the same time, he may be testing you with what He had given you. Perhaps you making more money than your husband is a form of your rizq (sustenance) given to you by Allah. Why do you choose to belittle others who have not chose to tread the same path as you? Just because you had accomplished so many things, Masha’Allah, does that allow you to throw the word “independent” in other people’s face?

Let’s look at the mother of the believers. The first Muslimah, Khadija (May Allah Be Pleased With Her). She had owned her own business. She was making money. She could have been independent and just as many women today throw the word independent in their husband’s face or suitable spouse face, she didn’t. Isn’t this an example there for us to think and reflect? Isn’t she a role model there for us to show that financial support is from both sides of the charts and not only one side? Isn’t there enough to show us, the ummah, that finances don’t mean the world and the taqwa, the deen and eman are so much more?

Instead, you sit there and gloat in your accomplishments, throwing around the word “independent.” No one is independent in this world and no one ever will be. We all rely on Allah for everything, in the good times and bad times. When you needed to be successful, who did you make du’aa to help you achieve those accomplishments? Allah. When you were ready to take a test, who did you turn to help you pass that test? Allah. So where did this word “independent” come from? The western culture has allowed you to shape your mind and allowed you to believe you are independent and the only person you need is yourself. Which is untrue. Your parents depend on one another. Isn’t this an example for you to think and reflect? Has your mother ever thrown the word independent at your father? Has your father thrown the word independent at your mother? Most likely, they haven’t because they understand the value of marriage and relationships. They are also aware of the rights upon one another given to them by Allah.

Don’t boast or brag or think you are independent because you’ve accomplished so much in your life. Everything you may have been given is probably a test on you. Allah provides for everybody. So why do you choose to think you are better off alone? Why do you choose to think, you making more money than your husband makes you better than him and he is much lower than you? Are we not ranked by the piety? Are we not judged by Allah SWT?

Free yourself of this way of thinking, as you may think what you have is good enough and if my husband leaves, my accomplishments, my money, will make a way for me. You are incorrect, Allah SWT always make a way for people. That money, those accomplishments were given to you by Allah SWT. Marriage is about two people, equity, rights over one another. Not about who has more money and who has accomplished more. I just want you to think and reflect. No one is independent, we all are dependent and everything is given and taken away by no one else, other than Allah SWT.

Making The Right Choice

When it comes to healthy relationships, It all comes down to the rights given to the spouses. If you are giving your husband his rights, which has been decreed by Allah, then things will be smooth. If you give your wife her rights which has been decreed by Allah, then things will be smooth.Everyone and their momma want to be competitive and ego driven. They want to compete with their spouse and see who brings in the most money. If one of them is supposed to “fill” that role and is bringing in less money, then it becomes an issue. Is your husband fulfilling his Islamic rights to you? If yes, then you have to stop complaining. Is he doing his best? If yes, then stop complaining. Is your wife fulfilling her Islamic rights to you? If yes, then stop complaining. Is she doing her best? If yes, then stop complaining.

If you feel and need to choose to marry a person that is not a Muslim, then that it is your choice and you will have to deal with the consequences and difficulties that come with it, which is not easy. If you feel there is a lack of “intellectual, career driven” men out there, then sister there might be something on your part that you are doing wrong. Something in these men that you don’t want. You are probably being too picky or you want things done a certain way or you want to change him or you probably are just chasing and being disappointed by the same type of individuals. Maybe you need to broaden your searches and get people involved to help you find a person which may be suitable for you.

If your deen is lacking and the only thing you are worried about is finding someone who is “intellectual and career driven” then maybe you are chasing only the dunya and as the “voice in our head” says, don’t worry, you can practice Islam when you are older. You got time. I’ll only tell you, you are not promised that time. 

Your husband has his rights over you and some men do want their wife to raise their kids and if that is his thing, then that is his right over you. The men have to understand though, you can’t just oppress her with this type of mentality. Yes, what you say to your wife, she must obey and listen but it must not be oppressive and not emotionally affect her and your relationship. Maybe you need sit down with your wife and ask her what makes her happy and if wanting a career in a field which she put her tears, sleep and health into, then let her go out and at least experience it. Do your part to remind her though, as the reminder is for yourself, that Islam comes first and the kids and myself have a right over you too as she has her rights over you as well. 

In this life, you want to be single and you feel, eh, my life is less complicated without all the drama from a significant other, it doesn’t mean, the drama stops. There will be other dramas and there will be other tests. If it is not your spouse, it is someone in the family or someone in the workforce or a friend. Getting married is a sunnah and we shouldn’t have that mentality that having a partner is over-rated. It kind of says, Half Our Deen, is over-rated and what Allah and the Messenger Of Allah has prescribed is not the truth. 

We just have to remain open-minded and attempt to keep it as simple as possible. If you can find what the Messenger Of Allah has said in his hadiths. A woman is normally sought as a wife for her wealth, beauty, nobility, or religion (adherence to Islam), but choose a religious woman and you will prosper. He also said a woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser. He had also said in another hadith, the whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman. Also, when someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth. If these requirements about finding a righteous spouse are there, then we should follow that because the Messenger Of Allah was sent to us, to rectify our intentions, help us stay on the right path and correct what was incorrect for so many years, during the ignorant times and if we want to stay towards the ignorant ways, then you are free to do that. Allah has given the Children Of Adam choice. 

And Allah knows best.

See The Good In People

If someone does something good and you know they don’t do good things on a regular basis, don’t come at them with negativity. You don’t know how bad they want to change their lifestyle and maybe you being negative and only looking at all the bad they do and bringing it up, takes an effect on them changing their life. Yes, your words, your actions can prevent people from changing their life. So instead of being negative, lets learn to see good in people, good in words they care to share with us. Continue to encourage people and Insha’Allah, one day because of you constantly encouraging them and reminding them, despite what they did, those deeds may get you in paradise and Allah forgives you of all your sins.

There is good in everyone. Dont sit there and pick out the bad, while you may be even worse while you sit alone.

Young, Strong, Healthy, Old Or Weak – Final Destination

W. D. Mohammed

Assalamualaikum (Peace Be Upon You)

In the name of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful

We think how many times through out our day, that we are young, healthy, strong and death cannot reach us? How many times a day, do we believe that we cannot die because the way we are living and we are young? We workout, we eat right, death cannot possibly happen already, can it? I am only 25, I am young. Only the old die, that is the mentality that most of have right?

Death can approach us at anytime. When we are asleep, walking down the street. Smiling 5 minutes ago and then dead the next. Death is promised for you and I. The infant, the child, the teen, the adult and the old. Tomorrow is not promised. Based on our actions, we don’t know whether we will end up in jahannum (hell) or jannah (heaven). Reflect on all the things you did and ask yourself, where will I end up when I die? Have I done enough to enter into paradise or have I done nothing at all, to please my creator and my place is definitely in the hell fire? Now, we may say no one knows where I’ll end up and who knows what deeds I’ve done that will grant me paradise but if your actions are saying so little, where is your place? Now, we may also say, my creator knows what it is in my heart but again, if your actions are saying so little, where is your place in your mind?

Always prove to your creator that you are striving for jannah. Again, anyone can say, my creator knows what is in my heart but if your actions are showing nothing at all, it means nothing. A person can wear a suit and claim they are a boss. A person can ride around in an expensive, luxurious car and say, I am rich but nothing has been proven. It’s only an image of who they might want to be. A mirror must reflect not only the image on the outside but also on the inside, it must be proven and not only be said. It must be complete both ways, on the outside and in the inside. Be aware of death, as it strikes everyone and all ages.

No one is safe from death. So be prepared and strive in every possible way to please no one else but your creator. The dunya (world) is merely an illusion, a place of confusion of what is halal (permissible) and what is haram (forbidden) and shaytan is always waiting to divert you from the Siraatal-Mustaqiim (the straight path). Be aware that this dunya is a prison for the believer and paradise for the non-believer. Those who enjoy the dunya and all that is forbidden in it, while diverting from the straight path, will indeed set themselves up for disappointment as to whatever is bad to come from this, has come from their own doings. Strive for jannah, ask for forgiveness. Be aware of death. One day, you and I will be prayed over and then carried through a gathering of people, lifeless, no where to go but to meet our creator. Whether we are young or old, age does not promise you tomorrow.

“Wherever ye are death will find you out even if ye are in towers built up strong and high!” (Qur’an: Al-Nisa Chapter 4 – Verse 78)

Looks Fade But

Looks do fade over time but if you believe the person is unattractive after looking at them a few times, then there is absolutely no point of going further. All you will do is string them along and then they will get hurt.

You will not purchase tomatoes with spots on them even though inside, it might look good. You will buy the tomatoes that has no spots on them but you are willing to deal with the spots after they appear in a few days or week. Just as there are two cars presented to you. One with rust, the other without. They both have a reasonable amount usage but one has rust and the other does not. You will obviously go with the one without rust because it is more appealing and you will deal with the rust over time, as it appears.

Think before you act upon certain things. Do not do things because you may be pressured. You being pressured, is only going to hurt you and the other person.

When Seeking A Spouse

When seeking a spouse, you are looking for a person that is ideal for you. If a person comes along and is not ideal for you, do not go and attempt to customize them in order to fulfill that ideal image.

People are not like restaurant menu items, where you are able to customize your dish and remove things and add things that you desire. You can substitute the rice for pasta, salad with or without croutons, spicy or mild, etc.

People come as they are, with good manners or bad manners. Smokers or non-smokers, praying salaah or does not pray salaah, hijab or no hijab. You cannot customize them. That is up to them to decide and realize what is beneficial and what is not. If the person is not ideal for you, be patient because Allah knows and you do not. Leave that which makes you doubt for that which does not make you doubt.

Learn To Appreciate Your Significant Other

Learn to appreciate your significant other. They don’t HAVE to do anything for you but they do things for you because they appreciate you and you complaining and ordering your significant other around, will not make your significant other do those things for you. They will fight you back just as you order your them around. A simple please and thank you will go along way. If you want something done, learn to compromise.

You may want to eat a specific dish today but your significant other is tired or simply does not want to make it or dislikes it. Instead of being angry and ordering them around, compromise in this situation and say, how about sometime this week you make such and such or if you want them to wear an outfit you like say, because I think it looks really nice on you and it compliments your personality or your character as a person, it makes you and I look together as one.

Being able to correctly word your thoughts goes a long way. It either escalates a situation into being something you didn’t want it to be or it makes a situation easy to come together and complete.

Don’t Keep Thinking Of The Past

Don’t keep thinking of what you did in the past, instead be thinking of what you should be doing. Don’t be stuck in the memories of sorrow, regretfulness, pain, tears, hardships. Instead create better memories by being as positive as you can be and being a person who finds even the most littlest blessings in his or her life.

You can either be for yesterday filled with sorrow and hurt or you can be for today, for now, for this time and onward for being positive and loving what the creator has decreed for you. Not everything that happens is as bad as it may seem. It may take time to open your eyes to see the wisdom behind it but learn from your mistakes.

Don’t drown in the sea of sorrows but learn to swim. Choices are apart of life. Be the person that makes a choice to improve their life. Time is precious. Don’t waste it on what has happened but be resourceful and manage it on what should be happening.