If you have a question or need advice you can contact me
If you have a question or need advice you can contact me
I’ve been married for four years Alhamdulilah and through my marriage I’ve had ups and downs like every marriage but my wife and I didn’t want to be another statistic. Have you heard? New marriages fail within the first six months! Yeah, you read that right. The first six months are the hardest. We all obviously get married to have the longest marriage possible. InshaAllah until the end of our lives. I’ll do my best to give you six ways to have a successful marriage.
1. Putting Allah first
When we first got married, we would pray together, read Quran together, listen to lectures, and read books. During that time, we also didn’t have much. My wife was pregnant with our first child and we were struggling but, we had Allah. We remembered Allah as often as we could and put Him first. Later during our marriage, things started going downhill. We got busy with work and the kids and had more fights than ever before. We sat down and asked ourselves, what is really the issue here? We thought about the times before we had what we had now and what we used to do? We put our lives, our jobs, our kids first and Allah second. We stopped reciting Quran together. We stopped listening to lectures. We stopped praying Salah together and our marriage was going downhill. Eventually we realized, it was our Islam that was lacking and we needed to work on it together. We couldn’t have one practicing more than the other. Islam needed to be our first priority and that was something needed to be done together.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him) said Allah said: Whoever draws close to me by the length of a hand, I will draw close to him by the length of an arm. Whoever draws close to me the by length of an arm, I will draw close to him by the length of a fathom. Whoever comes to me walking, I will come to him running. (Shahih Muslim)
The further we are from Allah the more our marriage gets tested with it. It is a way of Allah telling you to turn back to him in order to be successful.
2. Loving Each Other Differently
We cannot love each other equally. No matter what happens in the relationship, it’ll never happen. What I mean by that is, I’ll love my wife differently and she will love me differently. Our acts of love towards each other is different. My wife had a hard time early on in the marriage as to why I was teasing her and being playful. She didn’t understand that this was my way of showing her love. It’s something that was embedded in me from my parents. She always thought I was a goof and wasn’t being serious but this is how I display love for her. A lot of how we display love and want to receive it is based on our environment. Based on what we believe is an act of love. Some people have parents or role models who give gifts or cook or clean to show appreciation and love to another person. Just because the person isn’t showing you love how you perceive it, doesn’t mean they don’t love you. They do love you, they just show it differently. Speak to your spouse about how you want love to be displayed. What makes you happy so there isn’t a misunderstanding or heartache over how to love one another.
3. Keeping Your Marriage Within Your Home
They say, the less people that know about your life, the better it is and less drama. The more people that know, the more drama. Your married life, your struggles, your fights should stay between you and your significant other. If you get your family involved into every single thing, I promise you, you will have a terrible marriage. The less they know the better it is. The only ever time you want your marriage to leave the walls of your home is when you know it’s falling apart and you are seeking help from a balanced and unbiased individual.
Also do your best to keep it away from social media as people with sick hearts and sick minds want it destroyed.
The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) advised us about the evil eye and how it is real. That could even kill a person. That’s how serious it is.
The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: The evil eye is real and if anything were to overtake the divine decree, it would be the evil eye. (Shahih Muslim)
If you want a successful marriage, keep your marriage within the walls of your home and don’t share things with random people or even people you suspect don’t want good for you.
4. Fulfilling & Respecting The Rights Of Each other
Allah didn’t just decide to give the husband and wife rights over one another for no reason. There was wisdom behind it but because nowadays with the media turning the minds of the people, they feel this is barbaric and from the stones ages. SubhanAllah! There is nothing in Islam that was ever written or told to the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) that was ever going to be harmful to us. Fulfilling the rights of each other and not over stepping boundaries is an act of love and an act of worship which you will be rewarded for. There are men, who do over step the boundaries and they need be fearful of Allah. Your wife has a right over you and Allah does say in the Quran in Surah An-Nisa: “live with them with kindness” (4:19). As you both have given these rights by Allah fulfill to the best of your ability and respect each other. Be kind to one another and be mindful of the words you utter as it may be hurtful and leave scars. Verbal abuse is real and can be damaging. Allah has given each you a trust in marriage, to honor and to live worshiping Allah.
5. Understanding Differences & Communicating
The first six months is the hardest! I won’t even lie because you are learning about each other’s previous habits, lifestyle and cultures. What you do may get on her nerves and there will be a fight for no reason. Understand that both of you came from a different environment where what you thought was normal is now abnormal. This doesn’t mean you are incompatible. It just means there needs to be time to adjust to one another. To communicate previous lifestyles, habits and cultures. Neither of you are attempting to change one another just adapting to the environment and home you are in now. Patience needs to be practiced and communication needs to be key. Communicate to one another the habits and lifestyle you previously had so they can get an understanding of why you do certain things a certain way.
6. Forgiving Each Other & Swallowing Your Pride
Marriage will get hard at times and things will be said that will be hurtful. Both of you won’t talk to one another but deep you know you love each other. You just are confused why that was said to you. It is absolutely important that you over look faults, swallow your pride and reconcile. If you really want to make this work, you will have to be willing to work it out. You have to be willing to accept the faults and move on. This isn’t to say that you need walk over each other because then this will turn into abuse. If absolutely important to be mindful of the tongue and to never put hands on each other no matter how difficult things may get. Learn to move on. Talk things out and addressing the hurt in order to improve the marriage. Nobody said it was going to be easy and movies obviously lied to you. There will days where you will be angry at each other and won’t talk. Have your space but learn to make up and forgive each other.
There could be more but InshaAllah I feel these are the most important ones. These are six ways to have a successful marriage based on my experience. InshaAllah these help you out. If you ever need advice or help, please feel free to reach out to me. I’ll do my best to help InshaAllah.
The great scholar, Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) mentioned a great number of benefits that one can enjoy in this life before being honoured with the unending reward of Allaah in the hereafter. He mentioned the following:
And Allaah knows best
Summarized and listed by: Moosa Richardson
Life happens and we don’t always get what we want. Sometimes it’s for things we worked so hard for and some things we’ve been praying for but nonetheless, it doesn’t go our away. We beat ourselves up over it, thinking if I did this or if I did that, It would have been mine or we end up envying the individual who got it over us. We tell ourselves it is not fair and we feel like life it at it’s worse and it can’t get any better.
Take a second, relax, breathe. I know you wanted it so bad but did you ever think that it may not be good for you? That there is something else in the future for you? That this door of opportunity that you thought closed, actually opened another? That your skills, assets, learning experience is in place for a MUCH better position in this life?
Anytime something doesn’t go your way, think ahead in your life, not behind. This allows you to think positively for the future. We may not know what is in store but it allows your body to relax and breathe a little easier knowing that there is always something better. You tried, you did your best but it wasn’t for you. Know that you aren’t a failure and no matter what event has occurred in your life, there is something better. Whether you believe there is a higher power or not.
Islam allows us to think further ahead and not behind us. Islam tells us that the believer to be grateful and tells us to believe that ALL the affairs, events in your lives have been good for us.
The Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) said: “Amazing is the affair of the believer, verily all of his affairs are good and this is not for no one except the believer. If something of good or happiness befalls him he is grateful and that is good for him. If something of harm befalls him he is patient and that is good for him” [Shahih Muslim]
Sometimes we do need to see further out, rather than thinking too deep within. It is not the choices we have made but it is Allah subhanawatala telling you, there is something better for you. Life is a beautiful blessing and the beauty gets distorted due to the way we think about “missed” opportunities, closed doors or so called “failures.” Every single door that has closed has opened another but we are too blind, too caught up on the closed door to see the opening of another. Next time you think something has been missed or you failed at something, know this is not the end but there is something greater intended for you on the other side.
And Allah knows best.
Nobody in this world owes you anything nor are you entitled to a position or place. Everything in this life is a blessing, a gift from Allah. Ask yourself, who are you to say, this world owes you something because of your deeds? Because of your good behaviour? Because of your work ethic? You are nobody. You were just a clot at one time in your mothers womb, helpless, lifeless and Allah granted you life and during those earlier years, you were still helpless reliant on your mothers suckle in order to grow. Reliant on your mother and fathers nurture and love in order to grow. So who said, the world owes you anything? The world owes you absolutely nothing! It is YOU who owes Allah everything, for giving you life. For allowing you to breathe another day. To have a roof over your head, food in your stomach, and clothes on your back. Do you not understand how fortunate you are but yet you complain about your life every single day. You complain because life isn’t going smoothly, even after Allah granted your du’aa (supplication).
The world owes you NOTHING! Stop complaining, be grateful for life and everything you have. Life is a beautiful blessing and nothing will ever replace it. It may not be going how you’ve imagined but it’s setting you up for success. Failures need to happen in life, in order to see the fruits of your labour. Success requires failure because without failure, success cannot be tasted. And no problem ever gets solved by complaining, it requires a plan and action. The world owes you NOTHING! Stop complaining and think for a second, now breathe. Feel that? You’ll never get that breath back, it’s gone forever. Cherish your life. Every single minute of your life counts and every single minute you complain, is a minute wasted. Time is a valuable asset and will NEVER return.
The world owes you NOTHING! Everything in life is a blessing and earned through hard work, failure and patience. The next time you tell yourself or believe the world owes you anything, remind yourself, you’ve been given everything as a favour from Allah. A blessing, which can be taken away. You do everything for the sake of Allah, to enter jannah (heaven), in hopes your du’aa (supplication) and good deeds get accepted. This is what you work for, the sake of Allah and nobody else.
The world owes you NOTHING! You owe all thanks to Allah whom has granted you Islam as your religion and made you Muslim. Who has given you another chance to live and succeed. To repent for your sins and do more good deeds.
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In December of 2015 I found out that my wife was pregnant and we were only married for a couple of months and I was struggling to find work. The previous job I had, they closed the position I was hired for. I was stressed and worried what was going to happen next. My wife and I were living with my parents. Some people would say we made a bad decision planning a kid without a stable income. My wife a few days after we got married came back with me to Toronto from the state of New York with nothing. When I mean nothing, I literally mean it. All she had was the clothes on her back and the mahr(gift) I gave her. It’s not like this battle was new to us and we strive with challenges like this. I felt bad for putting my wife in a situation like this but she always reminded me that I am doing my best and Allah is Ar-Razzaq (the provider).
Every night starting December of 2015, when we found out about her pregnancy, I woke up a half hour before fajr and prayed tahajjud. Making duaa (supplication) with tears falling from my cheeks asking for a change. Life was hard, unpredictable and hectic. I didn’t ask my parents for a penny to help us and I’ve alwaaaaaaaays been that way. They would offer to help but I’d refuse because my wife is my responsibility and not theirs. They were already doing so much by letting us stay. Months would go by and I’d still wake up in the middle of the night, half hour before fajr to pray tahajjud and beg Allah to change my situation. I was putting in the effort every single day! Applying to jobs, dropping off applications, going to job agencies and nothing! My wife would look at me and would see the stress on my face, on my body, the way I slept at night. It was worrisome for her but not once did she yell at me or tell me if you don’t find a job, I am leaving you! She constantly encouraged me and told me, it’s okay, Allah knows best and He is the best of planners. You are doing an amazing job! Allah see’s you are trying. It was April 2016 and all I had was $1.07 in my bank account. You read that right. I was damn near broke! With a baby on the way in 4 months, married, I didn’t know where to turn. I wanted to give up praying tahajjud because I felt that nothing was happening and I am doomed! I didn’t give up! I kept waking up every single day until May 2016, that’s when things changed.
One morning in May 2016 my duaas (supplication) were answered. The weight on my shoulders were lifted and every single worry I had was gone. Finally got a job and life changed! My duaa(supplication) was answered. For that particular job I was making duaa (supplication) for 5 years. I was persistent. I never gave up! Today, our daughter is two and we also have a 10 month old son, alhamdulilah!
One advice I can give you all is that Allah’s promise is true! Rely on Him and Insha’Allah (if Allah wills) your situation can change. Allah wants you to turn to Him in good and bad situations and to be always be thankful and know your duaas(supplications) aren’t going unheard.
People think marriage is a burden but it isn’t. It’s a beautiful blessing. It comes with so much that is unexpected because Allah said:
“And marry those among you who are single (male and female). If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty.” [Surah Nur, 32]
I am proof of this struggle. Not because of so called “bad” decisions. No! The marriage, baby and no job was the will of Allah and His way of testing me by wanting me to turn him and Allah is the best of planners. Life is written and where you turn to and how you turn to can write the rest of your life out. In the end, as Muslims we know what we were created for and that is to please Allah. Insha’Allah we do our best in pleasing Him because success is only from Him and Him alone.
Insha’Allah this post encourages many of to never give up in life and continue to be ambitious towards your goals! Wake up before fajr, 10, 20, 30 mins before and ask Allah to guide to the straight path and to open doors in ways that is pleasing to Him, to help you become successful in this life and the hereafter.
I know you await the day you to fulfill half of your deen (religion). You’ve heard it over and over again, get married, start a life but by the will of Allah, it hasn’t happened yet. I know you are losing hope because people are telling you you are getting old or “you are getting past your expiry date.” They also say to you, who will marry you if you get any older? Do they not know that our beloved mother, Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her) married our Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him) at the age of 40? So, how could you listen to such falsehood? How could you lose hope? Do you not see that Allah says in Surah An Naba: “And we created you in pairs” [78:8] Do you not see that Allah has set aside someone for you? Why do you lose hope? Is it because your friends are getting married and you feel stranded? Do you think you’ll never be loved or no one will marry you? That is far from true. Hopeful potentials never worked out? Alhamdulilah (thanks to Allah), know that Allah protected you from a trial or tribulation that could have ruined you. You will not expire like milk nor will you die lonely.
Have hope in Allah, make du’aa and be patient, the individual Allah has saved for you will always be there. Allah has written our lives in the womb our of mothers, so just sit and relax, it’ll happen when its meant to be. Don’t be desperate and ruin your life by marrying anybody. Know that you as a Muslim should look for an individual with good Islamic qualities and characteristics. Does their best to follow Islam to the best of their abilities. Money isn’t everything. Good looks isn’t everything but the deen (religion) is everything. It is your ticket to jannah (heaven).
Don’t be hopeless but be hopeful. Have faith in Allah and know your du’aa (supplications) are not going unheard. Allah heard and accepted Prophet Yunus (peace be upon him) du’aa (supplication) from the belly of the whale, so what makes you think yours wont be fulfilled? It is only a matter of time but for now, smile and enjoy life. Take it one day at a time. Your marriage will happen when Allah wills for it no matter what others say, you will get married one day, insha’Allah.
If you have a question, please email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
It is currently marriage season and many of you know someone within your family or friends getting hitched. It is also probably giving you the urge to find someone as well, who will fulfill half of your deen (religion). We all have had the interventions with our parents whom seem to have found the right prospect for you. You hear he has a good job over and over again. If it’s a female, she can cook and how beautiful she is constantly and they’ll do their best to persuade you to marry them. There is more to marriage than just a good job and someone who can cook. Allah is Ar-Razzaq (the provider) and it is He whom will provide you with the rizq to make things easy for you financially.
As Muslims, our end goal is to meet Allah Subhana wata’ala with good deeds that will benefit us, but what is more beautiful is taking that certain someone along with you on that journey. Allah subhana wata’ala has created us in pairs and each of us has been paired, insha’Allah, with the right individual. As Allah subhana wata’ala says Surah Ar-Rum: “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.” Affection is what we long for and also finding tranquility. We seek calmness in that individual we will spend the rest of our lives with insha’Allah.
We long for a marriage like the Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him) and his wives. How beautiful it is. But, after all the dreaming, we seem to forget to practice it ourselves. Finding a practicing Muslim goes out the window because of the money they make or how beautiful or handsome they are. We think “it’s okay. They will change.” Undermining all the other issues that may come with it because we forget the importance of marrying a practicing Muslim. We look directly at the outer image we are presented with and fall in love directly with that.
In many instances, those who look the part, are likely not acting the part. Meaning, people are so easily fooled because that brother has a beard and wears a thobe, so he must be practicing. Or that sister is wearing hijab and an abaya, so she must be practicing too. We definitely all struggle with practicing Islam. Some people are so good at hiding the fact that they don’t pray at all and end up marrying individuals that are practicing and who do pray. But because of this false image they’ve presented themselves with, we are yet again, fooled. Islamically, an individual who doesn’t pray is a kaffir (disbeliever). The Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him) said: “The difference between a believer and disbeliever is salaah.” [Abu Dawud] The scholars in Islam have also said, being married to an individual who doesn’t pray at all, the marriage becomes invalid. This is how serious it is!
When looking for a practicing Muslim, it is extremely important to look past the image you are presented with and ask questions based around Islam. Also, ask people around the community they are in to get an outsiders opinion. You will probably not marry a scholar or a student of knowledge but if that individual is practicing they’ll know the three categories of tawheed. They’ll know certain verses of the Qur’an. They’ll know certain ahaadith. They’ll know the basics and fundamentals of Islam. A practicing Muslim develops a habit of wanting to learn to improve themselves and follow the correct aqeeda (beliefs) and footsteps of Prophet Muhamamd (peace & blessings be upon him). They’ll have a zeal for knowledge. A practicing Muslim shows good character, good manners, and is not miserly. They know how important the hereafter is, so the decisions they make will be reflected off of whether or not it would please Allah subhana wata’ala. Decisions other individuals make that are displeasing to Allah should not be used as an excuse to follow along.
My brothers and sisters in Islam, a practicing spouse is your ticket to heaven or hell. You eventually develop the habits of the individual you spend majority of your time with. If they don’t pray, more than likely, you’ll start to develop that habit. If they are involved in haraam (forbidden), more than likely you’ll end up being persuaded into thinking it’s okay. This is why it is so important that the individual you marry IS a practicing Muslim already. Some people say, “well, I’ll marry so and so right now and then they’ll end up practicing, Allah will guide them.” The question was asked to Sheikh Ibn Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy upon him) about an individual changing for the better after marriage in which he responded:
“We are not entrusted with what will happen in the future. As for the future, we don’t know about it. It may be that you marry them while desiring Allah will guide them into your hands, however, it may be that they may change your state to what they are upon!.”
It is definitely a scary thought.
When you do consider marriage proposals, look at them for not solely what they are wearing but how are they practicing their Islam? Are they in tune with the commandments of Allah? If they are not, how do you expect them to treat you? Do they commit shirk? Are they following any innovations? A believing Muslim, a practicing Muslim, takes what they have learned from the Qur’an and Sunnah and lives it, they become it, they speak it and walk with it. The way they treat others is based on the Qur’an and Sunnah. Your marriage will either flourish or diminish. You may even have a successful marriage after all, even if you are not practicing but, you will not be successful with Allah subhana wata’ala. Do not get the false perception that if you have lots of money and your marriage is successful but you don’t pray, Allah is happy with you, when it is not true. How can Allah subhana wata’ala be happy with you, if you fail to show appreciation and follow a pillar of Islam?
Remember, my brothers and sisters in Islam, your hereafter is your main goal. If you fail to show it importance, especially during the selection of your spouse, you will not succeed in front of Allah subhana wata’ala because you failed to prepare. Marrying a practicing Muslim is not a joke and it is not something that can happen after you decide to marry. Again, you are not promised or guaranteed they may even change. Wanting change begins with the progress you put forth now. Look for the individual who is working towards the hereafter and is goal driven. Who shows it importance by learning about it from the correct avenues. Who establishes their salaah, pays their zakaat if it’s in their means to, gives charity, and their manners and characteristics are from the beautiful ahaadith. The lifestyle of the Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him) and his companions should be reflected off of this person. If you do this, insha’Allah, you will be successful.
May Allah subhana wata’ala grant us all righteous spouses.
Many of us grew up listening to music. It is the norm in society. If you didn’t listen to it, you were looked at as weird. Some people call it their life. Some people can’t live without it. It needs to be in their ear wherever they go. You can’t even avoid it in the shopping malls because each store you enter, there is music playing to keep us from being “bored” with just walking around. Music has become such a fundamental part of our lives, we feel we can’t exist without it. But, what happens when music itself is affecting your salaah? Your connection with Allah subhana wata’ala? You stand in front of your prayer mat, raising your hands to say Allah Hu Akbar (Allah is the greatest) then within a few seconds, your favourite song that you’ve had on repeat several times this past week keeps popping up. While you are reciting the fatiha, that song keeps popping up in your head. You seem frustrated, aggravated and just wanted to fulfill your obligation to Allah subhana wata’ala without any interruptions but it can’t be done with peace, happiness and calmness. Want to know why?
You are addicted! You can’t let it go!
You want a connection with Allah subhana wata’ala. You want to be at peace while praying but you’ve allowed music to control your life. Your addiction doesn’t allow you to have the connection you need to feel at peace during and after praying.
I’ve had a music addiction, just like you. I took it every where I went. I wouldn’t let it go. I let it be a part of my life! I thought it was everything I was missing in my life. I wanted to be a rapper, that’s how much I loved music. But whenever I stood to pray salaah, to speak to Allah subhana wata’ala, I couldn’t do it properly because the songs that were on repeat, were overpowering the connection. I would finish salaah unsatisfied, moody and within a few minutes, I’d go back to listening to those songs.
Music addiction is real and it is something dangerous as Muslims. I know many people will tell you that music is not haraam and if the songs have meaning, then it is good for you but wallahi, it is not. Only the people of desires, people who refuse to follow the truth will say that. The Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him) said: “Among my ummah (nation) there will certainly be people who permit zinaa, silk, alcohol and musical instruments. [Bukhari] He also said in another hadith, music grows hypocrisy in the heart[Bayhaqi]. Ask yourself, really and truly, has music been of any benefit to you Islamically? We all know, music benefits you in the dunya, in the world because it can help us relate to things but Islamically, has it elevated your Islam? Has it helped you pick up the Qur’an? Has it helped you remember Allah subhana wata’ala?. There is no “halal music” that does this either. Music is the calling of the shaytaan and shaytaan will do its best to keep you away from Allah subhana wata’ala. To prevent you from being a better Muslim.
If you truly want peace, happiness, and calmness in your salaah, let music go and see how much better you feel after you pray. It is not an overnight transformation but it can be done. If you do things for the sake of Allah subhana wata’ala, He will replace music or whatever it be with something better. That something better, is peace, happiness and calmness that comes with salaah. No more standing on your prayer mat, in the congregation, having songs stuck in your head. Just the words of the Qur’an, a mercy from Allah subhana wata’ala allowing you to understand it, feel peace, happiness and calmness.