“Is It Because Im Black?”

MclN70Z

This year, I’ve been going through a lot in my life but Alhumdulilah, I do my best to stay in the best of spirits. As you can see from my writing, the title of my blog, “Think & Be Positive.” I like to write things about positivity, motivation because that is the type of person I am, Alhumdulilah. A positive individual. I write things that will help insha’Allah others to be better or go through the situations in their life with positivity in mind.

I’ve been asked a few times by women if I am interested in them and due to the situations in my life I like to stay out of them and just have my own space. Im the type of person who really enjoys talking to everyone I come across. No matter who it is. How old that person is. I am just a really friendly, funny and down to earth to person. Lately, women have approached and I’ve kindly declined that Im not interested. The odd thing is, if it is a coloured woman, a black woman, they would automatically assume or ask “is it because Im black?” I find this hilarious.

Skin colour has never mattered to me, EVER. I don’t care if the person is as blue as Violet Beauregard. Sometimes people need to put down their insecurities and stop thinking everything has to do with skin colour. Not every person is the same. Just because dudes in the past may have turned you down due to your skin colour, does not mean, every guy will. You need to stop being insecure about yourself. Be confident about the qualities you have. Be confident about the way you look. If a person turns you down, it may be for several reasons or several things that person may be going through. Don’t automatically assume it is because of your skin colour. If a person wants to be with you, they’ll want to be with you no matter what it is. No matter what occupation you have. No matter what kind of car you drive or you don’t have a car. Skin colour is just honestly a BS scapegoat in saying, you are not the person for me or Im too much of a wuss and I care too much what others think.

Islam doesn’t teach you about being with someone for their skin colour, their riches, reputation, kings or queens. Islam teaches to be with people with whose character is the best. Who is best in religion. Why does Islam say this? Because character is GOLD. Piety is riches. If you have someone that has good character, it’ll be good for you and it’ll be good for your kids. If you have someone who is best in religion, pious, it’ll be good for you and it’ll be good for your kids.

Don’t always look at things from the deep end and don’t be shallow, thinking about the colour of your skin or your beauty or whatever it may be when things don’t workout. Allah SWT knows best. Just be happy with what comes your way and be optimistic of what will come your way. Hope for the best and think positively.

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23 thoughts on ““Is It Because Im Black?”

  1. Great article, I always say to myself find a partner who will be the father of your children esp if you want them to be grown up with Imaan. And I agree with you on this point – only marry when you feel ready not because society tells you so… Its difficult for girls we have a ‘sell by date’ once we hit the 25 mark lol!

  2. Thanks, Shahista. That is exactly what you want, someone who has good character and is pious. Yeah, you obviously want to be attracted to them too but skin colour means nothing. I don’t know if girls have a sell by date when they are 25 lol That stuff is all culture. Islam teaches being open minded and Khadija got married to the Prophet when she was 40.

  3. Reblogged this on Fatima Hafeez and commented:
    This happens to be so true. We should all be accepting of one another. No matter what race, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, or walks of life people come from, they are human, and everybody deserves what I like to call “base level” respect, meaning you respect one another as a human being and recognize that one has feelings and emotions, as well as hardships, just like you do.

  4. Lol! This made me chuckle!! :) I really enjoy reading your positivity blog … Issues like this are a real eye-opener.. Although it’s the opposite for me, as guys usually say that stuff to me haha!

    JzkAllah khair once again & May Allah swt reward you :)

    • I am glad it made you chuckle lol Mixing real issues with laughter and positivity, that is how you do it! So the men say “is it because Im black?” Dannnng, you a heart breaker! The men in the future better watch out for you lol… Im just joking.

      Wayak. Thanks for reading Humairah and letting me know you enjoy my blog. :)

  5. Strongly agree with your perspective on this, Islam’s perspective too of course. I kinda related this to how Muslim men and non-Muslim men see us hijabies. Sometimes they don’t approach us at all out of fear that we’re too pious or something (Are you a nun?) Or, usually when it’s a Muslim man, he pretends you don’t exist, doesn’t open the door for you etc, all out of lowering his gaze. Much appreciated, but sometimes girls look for things like that, when a Muslim man could be respectful in both senses. It’s just a shame that some don’t, and hijabies end up having better relationships with the opposite sex, and of opposite faith. We have to respect all people of all religions, however since we’re Muslim, we’re held to higher accountability for that. How could we as Muslims be more friendly,with those who don’t have as much in common,and then suddenly disrespect girls of your own faith? hypocritical on both sides. Ain’t I woman too? S. Truth was right. Also, I find mixed couples to be adorable. The one thing that should unite any two people is love for Allah (swt), even if it’s just girl to girl friendship, same with Muslim communities, we all have something to unite us for, yet we ignore that and fight over pity differences, and in my community, even have masajed that are culture/country based. ie, Paki’s here, Iraqi’s there etc. May God make this easy for us all. We need it. Thank you, and Jazak Allah khair for such relative posts.

    • Thanks, Sarah. It’s a weird thing that happens between muslim males and muslim females and it is at times hard to digest. You’ll see that the muslim males at times not all of them will speak to the non muslim females and treat them more respectfully and then kind of ignore the muslim females and say, “i am lowering my gaze, you are non-mahram.” It is tough to swallow when we see it happening. Not all of them are like that though. There are many friendly ones I do come across and Im sure they are in the USA where you stay. Sometimes though, people to have this grip of belief that only their culture is the best and everyone else is beneath them, it’s sad as we as Ummah are not like that. If we look at the Companions of the Messenger Of Allah, there were black Companions too, not only Arab.

      We should treat each other the same and do our best not to be hypocritical. Ignoring one kind but sticking to the other kind. I am for all types of marriages, especially mixed, interracial marriages. If that happens to come my way, then Alhumdulilah, I am accepting of it. I treat really, everyone the same, whether they are non muslim or muslim. Whether they are male or female. I treat others how they would want to treat me. if Im respectable and down to earth with one person, Im the same with others. In the end, we should treat each other the same no matter what it is. Yes, we should lower our gaze in our presence of non-mahram individuals but we should also be respectful to them as well. Open doors, give the salams and be polite. Islam is beautiful as it is teaches so much to the believers. At times, people do tend to go over board or have clashes because one person is following a different madhab or folds their hands in salah differently. Very minor things. Segregated masajids are every where and that is sad to see. At least now, it’s much better. In the early 1920’s or perhaps even earlier, each madhab would pray salah within their own group. So the hanafi’s would pray amongst themselves, the shafis, malikis and hanbalis. Alhumdulilah that has been abolished but we still need to steer away from having only Arabs pray in one masajid or South Asians praying in one. We are an ummah from all walks of life and should pray with each other. Insha’Allah, soon. Just have to keep striving for it.

      You are welcome, Sarah. Ill do my best to write about things that are relative. :)

      • you basically said what I’m saying but in a more articulate way! Haha but yeah I definitely know all guys aren’t like that though, it’s just one of the many things that we as Muslims need to fix to better the ummah over all. I think our generation is going to make the changes needed, in all fields from Deen to medicine, to teaching to psychology everything inshAllah.
        :)

      • You basically said everything I meant in a more articulate way! Haha. I know all guys aren’t like that, it’s just one of the many things we need to fix as an Ummah over all, and definitely advice to myself first.

        You’re welcome & Keep it up :)

      • It’s all good, don’t worry about it. I think we will go back to the golden ages of Islam which history tends to forgets and calls it the “dark ages.” We did come up with a lot of the medicines, medical tools, coffee, flying machines, cameras and a bunch of other things way before. We just have to keep striving to the best of our abilities everyday. We all struggle. As long as we destroy this culture, tradition barrier that tends to plague the thoughts of people we will be in great hands. Mixed marriages do need to happen more often. There so many beautiful people from different countries and races but people get so stuck into believing my culture+ my culture+ my traditions + my traditions = no problems ever. That is where they are wrong. Problems are going to happen regardless. Marriages are of the foundations of iman, communication, trust and so much more but people think, compatibility only lies within a single culture. It’s hilarious…

  6. Oh trust me, I know! When I went overseas to Palestine, and more specifically the city where my mom is from, their mentalities were so backward. It was a big culture shock, I love the people but imagine a small city literally made up of 4 families? And extended? I had the weirdest things told to me simply because I was American. Not everyone is like that there though, but a majority need reality checks. Islam over there is not strong as it is here in America, surprisingly. I’m not a perfect, but it was just too much to handle at times. No deen, just made up culture theories and rules.

    • I think it’s pretty much the same every where, especially in the countries are parents are from. A lot of backwards mentalities, traditions and innovations which is passed down from generation to generation.

      What kind of things did they say to you? I thought they would open to American-Muslim-Palestinians. I know Israeli’s trouble people that are not Jewish coming into Palestine too lol My sister and her husband will be in Palestine in a few weeks after Hajj, insha’Allah.

  7. Oh that’s awesome mashAllah! they’re so lucky, inshAllah they have a great time there, and have a blessed trip. If it’s going to be there first time going, I can tell you where they should go if you’d like.

    How the Israelis treated us is a different story, another discussion lol.

    But as for what I was told, I was told that I wouldn’t get married if I kept wearing my glasses (yet the courting continued…) I was told that I was sick because I wore them, like not seeing perfectly was a disease or something. That if I didn’t get married by 22, I’d basically be expired. So I don’t have much time then! Generally, my family there was very accepting of me because I spoke Arabic and ate all the food etc, but they still felt that since I am American, that I am completely assimilated into the culture, not praying, or fasting, not cooking or cleaning etc. (I had a friend ask me if we were even allowed to pray in the US, and if I did..) A lot of it is plain ignorance, they have such a contorted image of America, Americans, that we are busy 24/7, that we go out every where all the time, which some Americans are like that, living the nuclear white picket fence life with 2 kids and dog. Nothing wrong with it, but I am Arab so that certainly has not left me and my family. But when they got to know me better, they accepted me even more. I told them how I live, and how I study, that we even have prayer rooms on campus that we are allowed to rent out. A lot of younger girls were surprised at how I dressed, wearing long tops, and flair or boot cut jeans instead of skinny jeans and tight tops as a hijabi. Skinny jeans everywhere, and fake eyebrows, it was ridiculous. I’m not perfect, but they saw me and my other cousins that came with me as too religious or not stylish. When it came to Eid time, they traditionally give money to the kids and candy. So I followed the tradition, yet got scolded for it, because some felt that I was better than them, and some of my own cousins told me that I was giving away too much. (I gave one cousin the equivalent of 50 cents, which obviously is nothing to an American, but everything to them) So I was happy to change my money and give it to them. In the end, I told them to stop worrying about my spending and let me enjoy giving them gifts and snacks to make the kids happy. A lot of it is pride, and the other is that they don’t want you to be bothered, but I felt the complete opposite. I was a hard to communicate with women that wanted me for their sons, because they didn’t understand why I was saying no. And it was especially difficult because I had to make sure they didn’t think I was a snobbish girl who wanted to remain independent forever, but in the end I got so tired and bored of it all that I didn’t care. They would go on to ask for the next new comer anyway. Over all though, I did try to brighten their knowledge and they did listen. But a few bad apples at gatherings were the tough ones I had to crack. Israelis do make their lives hell, but they at the same need to change themselves or else Allah (swt) won’t change their situations. Wallah, so many young boys were hurt when I was there, always fighting against the soldiers, yet some adults would sit around smoke their lives away, gossip, and give up on their country.

    • Wow lol So it is like that back in Palestine? My best friend is Palestinian but he doesn’t seem that way nor does his family seem that way either. In my opinion, from what I have seen, they are really friendly people. I guess them knowing that America is involved with Israel makes them feel that way about American Muslims, when in fact, American Muslims follow the religion of Islam so their character and the way they live is much more disciplined.

      I guess the younger girls dressing in that particular manner could be either an acceptance issue, self esteem issue or just going with the trends. I’ve noticed that when you do your best to follow Islam to the best of your ability, praying your salah, hijab, the obligations are being fulfilled, people think you are better than them so you are showing off now.

      But Alhumdulilah, you showed them that the lifestyle is not as they have perceived and you are not sick because you wear glasses lol I guess, If I went there, I’d have a sickness to because I wear glasses. Some of the superstitions people back home believe in is hilarious. You would look at them with a funny face like… reallly? Did you just say that? is that a joke??

      I think the main purpose of the trip for my sister and brother in law is to obviously see Masjid Al-Aqsa. Insha’Allah, I go soon. To Hajj and Palestine.

      • Like I said, I stayed mostly in mothers city which was old school. But I visited other cities and subhanAllah they each have their own mentalities. My dad is from a big city Jenin, and they’re different, but then again they live in an urban setting so more modern views. Lol you could only imagine how many times I had to hold my tongue there. And to be honest, Islam is much stronger in US than over there. And I’m sure it is where you are too. And we get more good deeds for that because we are not in our “native” areas or with people that are mainly Arab or Muslim. I was going crazy, I couldn’t imagine living in my moms city without any community events or projects or volunteer work. Ramadan is easier over there because they sleep all day and stay up all night. I tried so hard not to fall into that, that’s probably the one thing I regret about spending Ramadan there. But my cousins that came with me were on the same page as me, so we continued much as we could, reading Quran and praying Taraweeh every night when no one decided to come over lol alhamdulilah, especially for reading the Quran. It’s so much easier when you are with a friend and set goals. Masjid Al Aqsa and Kubat sakhra are so amazing. I couldn’t pray in the Aqsa sadly because men took over every inch. I don’t blame them, Palestinians aren’t even allowed in Jerusalem unless it’s Ramadan, on Fridays, and past maybe 2 pm only elderly 50 plus can go. And man do they sleep and camp there. I did pray in the Ibrahimi (pbu) Masjid, and in Masjid Omar (rd) too.

      • I hate that I’m giving you all the negative on your positivity blog lol. But really, it was one of the BEST experiences of my life. So much history, culture, and hospitality. I truly felt whole being there, hard to explain. InshAllah you do go to both. I’m trying to post pictures of my trip, so you’ll see them inshallah.

      • Don’t even worry about it lol You are free to express yourself however you like on my blog. You can write whatever you want to. You are just telling me your experience in Palestine and there is nothing wrong with that. With all the “negative” experiences you’ve had, you’ve great experiences as well and it seems that the positive experiences have out weighed the negative ones.

        That is one the things I dislike about them. They don’t allow us to pray in our own masjids, as if they truly own them. The Atheist use these types of things against people that follow any religion but it is really people themselves who come up with these restrictions and fighting when we could really live in peace.

        I do plan to go one day. Insha’Allah when I am married or whenever. Just one of those places you have to see because of all the history behind it. Of all the sadness you hear about it but you also hear good things, as you have told me. Just one of things you have to experience at least once in your life.

  8. Lol thank you.

    Definitely know what you’re saying, but no matter what happens there or to any people suffering for no reason, it is written and we will get Palestine back, He promised. It’s a relief, Allah’s Qadr. Let’s us let go and leave it to Him.

    • You are welcome.

      Insha’Allah, one day. I have no doubt we will get it back. It’s been written that way so it’ll happen that way. Believing in the qadr of things is important for us. We shouldn’t doubt it, no matter the situations that occur in our lives or around the world.

      • Lol conversations could go any way, depending on the person and how they decide to connect on common grounds. Goes from “Is It Because Im Black?” to Palestine. That’s what I love about people. So many interesting things to find out. One second you are talking about one thing and then it becomes a conversation about something brand new.

        You enjoy your week too, Sarah. It was nice speaking to you.

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